Dear Roe,
My partner has brought up their concerns over not having enough sex throughout the week. As a victim of sexual assault, I have told them that it can be difficult for me. How can I take on their concerns regarding sex, while also being sensitive to my own trauma?
I’m going to admit, my back is up immediately. Something that I’ve been watching with absolute dismay is how the rhetoric around sex positivity is being absorbed, weaponised and spat back out by some people as plain old sexual entitlement, disguised in progressive language. Sex positivity is a philosophy that respects everyone’s sexuality and doesn’t judge others for their sexual orientations, desires or actions as long as it’s safe and consensual. Sex positivity has been incredibly important in undoing the shame that has surrounded sex for so long, and the ways in which people have been encouraged to judge and shame themselves and other people, as a means of control and oppression.
Conversations around sex positivity can include giving people permission to prioritise sex and sexual pleasure, whether that’s encouraging individuals to enjoy masturbation without shame, and telling busy couples that they are allowed carve out time for sex and schedule opportunities to have sex in the same way we schedule watching our favourite television shows or having dates — not so that people feel obligated to have sex “on schedule” if they don’t want to, but that they have saved time to connect in whatever way feels good for them at the time. I have, in the past, included suggestions like that in my advice to people, believing that it was obvious that telling people that sex is an important, joyous, pleasurable part of life that they are allowed to value absolutely does not mean that the desire for sex means you automatically have a right to partnered sex, or that the sexual desire of one person ever overrides the boundaries of another person. I increasingly fear that this was naïve, or maybe it has been clear, but some people will just find any way to justify entitlement.
READ MORE
I ended my situationship six months ago but I’m still not over him. How do I move on?
Where can my wife and I access porn that is both legal and erotic?
I think I’m in love with my ‘situationship’ but he doesn’t feel the same
‘My brother-in-law wants to move in with us but I don’t think my marriage will survive it’
Perhaps your partner is indeed being respectful and gentle and approaching the topic with care and compassion, which is wonderful
When people have sex, they have the right for that sex to be consensual and hopefully pleasurable – but partnered sex itself is not a right, or an entitlement. No one has a right to have sex with anyone else. That is the attitude that has created and perpetuated rape culture, including the support of institutionally supported sexual violence such as marital rape which was only made illegal in Ireland in 1991; and male entitlement to sex, which is being encouraged in a new generation of men by incel communities and misogynistic public figures such as Andrew Tate.
","label":{"audio_project_id":{"display":true,"text":"8948","url":""},"related_collection":{"display":true,"text":"roe-mcdermott"}},"source":{"name":"irishtimes","source_type":"staff","system":"composer"},"taxonomy":{"primary_section":{"_id":"/health/your-wellness","_website":"irishtimes","type":"section","version":"0.6.0","name":"Your Wellness","path":"/health/your-wellness","parent_id":"/health","parent":{"default":"/health"},"additional_properties":{"original":{"_id":"/health/your-wellness","navigation":{"nav_title":"Your Wellness"},"_admin":{"alias_ids":["/health/your-wellness"]},"metadata":{"metadata_title":"Your Wellness | The Irish Times","metadata_description":"Latest Wellbeing news advice and comment, including tips and advice for staying healthy in body and mind brought to you by the definitive brand of quality journalism. Read The Irish Times."},"Paywall":{"paywall-status":"free"},"_website":"irishtimes","name":"Your Wellness","order":{"default":2003,"hamburger-menu":2003,"App-Hamburger":2003,"composer-relevant-sections":2003,"section-page-subnavs":2003},"parent":{"default":"/health","hamburger-menu":"/health","App-Hamburger":"/health","navbar-NU":null,"Comopser":null,"composer-relevant-sections":"/health","section-page-subnavs":"/health","sitemap-section":null},"ancestors":{"default":["/health"],"hamburger-menu":["/","/health"],"App-Hamburger":["/","/health"],"navbar-NU":[],"Comopser":[],"composer-relevant-sections":["/health"],"section-page-subnavs":["/health"],"sitemap-section":[]},"inactive":false,"node_type":"section"}}},"primary_site":{"_id":"/health/your-wellness","type":"site","version":"0.5.8","name":"Your Wellness","path":"/health/your-wellness","parent_id":"/health","additional_properties":{"original":{"_id":"/health/your-wellness","navigation":{"nav_title":"Your Wellness"},"_admin":{"alias_ids":["/health/your-wellness"]},"metadata":{"metadata_title":"Your Wellness | The Irish Times","metadata_description":"Latest Wellbeing news advice and comment, including tips and advice for staying healthy in body and mind brought to you by the definitive brand of quality journalism. Read The Irish Times."},"Paywall":{"paywall-status":"free"},"name":"Your Wellness","order":{"default":2003,"hamburger-menu":2003,"App-Hamburger":2003,"composer-relevant-sections":2003,"section-page-subnavs":2003},"parent":{"default":"/health","hamburger-menu":"/health","App-Hamburger":"/health","navbar-NU":null,"Comopser":null,"composer-relevant-sections":"/health","section-page-subnavs":"/health","sitemap-section":null},"ancestors":{"default":["/health"],"hamburger-menu":["/","/health"],"App-Hamburger":["/","/health"],"navbar-NU":[],"Comopser":[],"composer-relevant-sections":["/health"],"section-page-subnavs":["/health"],"sitemap-section":[]},"inactive":false,"node_type":"section"}}},"sections":[{"_id":"/health/your-wellness","_website":"irishtimes","type":"section","version":"0.6.0","name":"Your Wellness","path":"/health/your-wellness","parent_id":"/health","parent":{"default":"/health"},"additional_properties":{"original":{"_id":"/health/your-wellness","navigation":{"nav_title":"Your Wellness"},"_admin":{"alias_ids":["/health/your-wellness"]},"metadata":{"metadata_title":"Your Wellness | The Irish Times","metadata_description":"Latest Wellbeing news advice and comment, including tips and advice for staying healthy in body and mind brought to you by the definitive brand of quality journalism. Read The Irish Times."},"Paywall":{"paywall-status":"free"},"_website":"irishtimes","name":"Your Wellness","order":{"default":2003,"hamburger-menu":2003,"App-Hamburger":2003,"composer-relevant-sections":2003,"section-page-subnavs":2003},"parent":{"default":"/health","hamburger-menu":"/health","App-Hamburger":"/health","navbar-NU":null,"Comopser":null,"composer-relevant-sections":"/health","section-page-subnavs":"/health","sitemap-section":null},"ancestors":{"default":["/health"],"hamburger-menu":["/","/health"],"App-Hamburger":["/","/health"],"navbar-NU":[],"Comopser":[],"composer-relevant-sections":["/health"],"section-page-subnavs":["/health"],"sitemap-section":[]},"inactive":false,"node_type":"section"}},"_website_section_id":"irishtimes./health/your-wellness"},{"_id":"/health","_website":"irishtimes","type":"section","version":"0.6.0","name":"Health","path":"/health","parent_id":"/","parent":{"default":"/"},"additional_properties":{"original":{"_id":"/health","navigation":{"nav_title":"Health"},"_admin":{"alias_ids":["/health"]},"metadata":{"metadata_description":"The latest Health news, analysis and comment brought to you by the definitive brand of quality journalism. Read The Irish Times.","metadata_title":"Health | The Irish Times"},"Newsletter":{"newsletterid":"News Digest"},"Paywall":{"paywall-status":"free"},"_website":"irishtimes","name":"Health","order":{"default":1009,"+ add":1008,"hamburger-menu":1014,"App-Hamburger":1014,"composer-relevant-sections":1009,"section-page-subnavs":1011,"sitemap-section":1009},"parent":{"default":"/","+ add":"/","hamburger-menu":"/","App-Hamburger":"/","navbar":null,"navbar-NU":null,"Comopser":null,"composer-relevant-sections":"/","section-page-subnavs":"/","App-Links-Navigation":null,"sitemap-section":"/","links-bar":null},"ancestors":{"default":[],"navbar":[],"+ add":["/"],"hamburger-menu":["/"],"App-Hamburger":["/"],"navbar-NU":[],"Comopser":[],"composer-relevant-sections":[],"section-page-subnavs":[],"App-Links-Navigation":[],"sitemap-section":[],"links-bar":[]},"inactive":false,"node_type":"section"}},"_website_section_id":"irishtimes./health"}],"sites":[{"_id":"/health/your-wellness","type":"site","version":"0.5.8","name":"Your Wellness","path":"/health/your-wellness","parent_id":"/health","additional_properties":{"original":{"_id":"/health/your-wellness","navigation":{"nav_title":"Your Wellness"},"_admin":{"alias_ids":["/health/your-wellness"]},"metadata":{"metadata_title":"Your Wellness | The Irish Times","metadata_description":"Latest Wellbeing news advice and comment, including tips and advice for staying healthy in body and mind brought to you by the definitive brand of quality journalism. Read The Irish Times."},"Paywall":{"paywall-status":"free"},"name":"Your Wellness","order":{"default":2003,"hamburger-menu":2003,"App-Hamburger":2003,"composer-relevant-sections":2003,"section-page-subnavs":2003},"parent":{"default":"/health","hamburger-menu":"/health","App-Hamburger":"/health","navbar-NU":null,"Comopser":null,"composer-relevant-sections":"/health","section-page-subnavs":"/health","sitemap-section":null},"ancestors":{"default":["/health"],"hamburger-menu":["/","/health"],"App-Hamburger":["/","/health"],"navbar-NU":[],"Comopser":[],"composer-relevant-sections":["/health"],"section-page-subnavs":["/health"],"sitemap-section":[]},"inactive":false,"node_type":"section"}}},{"_id":"/health","type":"site","version":"0.5.8","name":"Health","path":"/health","parent_id":"/","additional_properties":{"original":{"_id":"/health","navigation":{"nav_title":"Health"},"_admin":{"alias_ids":["/health"]},"metadata":{"metadata_description":"The latest Health news, analysis and comment brought to you by the definitive brand of quality journalism. Read The Irish Times.","metadata_title":"Health | The Irish Times"},"Newsletter":{"newsletterid":"News Digest"},"Paywall":{"paywall-status":"free"},"name":"Health","order":{"default":1009,"+ add":1008,"hamburger-menu":1014,"App-Hamburger":1014,"composer-relevant-sections":1009,"section-page-subnavs":1011,"sitemap-section":1009},"parent":{"default":"/","+ add":"/","hamburger-menu":"/","App-Hamburger":"/","navbar":null,"navbar-NU":null,"Comopser":null,"composer-relevant-sections":"/","section-page-subnavs":"/","App-Links-Navigation":null,"sitemap-section":"/","links-bar":null},"ancestors":{"default":[],"navbar":[],"+ add":["/"],"hamburger-menu":["/"],"App-Hamburger":["/"],"navbar-NU":[],"Comopser":[],"composer-relevant-sections":[],"section-page-subnavs":[],"App-Links-Navigation":[],"sitemap-section":[],"links-bar":[]},"inactive":false,"node_type":"section"}}}],"tags":[{"description":"Magazine","slug":"magazine","text":"Magazine"}]},"promo_items":{"basic":{"_id":"SPZQNMDURNE5TJXN3HEARHEAL4","additional_properties":{"fullSizeResizeUrl":"/resizer/kr1KlHX0hL8UL9sHa7BWesTJpmw=/arc-photo-irishtimes/eu-central-1-prod/public/SPZQNMDURNE5TJXN3HEARHEAL4.jpg","galleries":[],"ingestionMethod":"manual","iptc_source":"E+","iptc_title":"Contributor","keywords":["obsessive compulsive dirorder"],"mime_type":"image/jpeg","originalName":"GettyImages-1353629776.jpg","originalUrl":"https://cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/irishtimes/SPZQNMDURNE5TJXN3HEARHEAL4.jpg","proxyUrl":"/resizer/kr1KlHX0hL8UL9sHa7BWesTJpmw=/arc-photo-irishtimes/eu-central-1-prod/public/SPZQNMDURNE5TJXN3HEARHEAL4.jpg","published":true,"resizeUrl":"/resizer/kr1KlHX0hL8UL9sHa7BWesTJpmw=/arc-photo-irishtimes/eu-central-1-prod/public/SPZQNMDURNE5TJXN3HEARHEAL4.jpg","restricted":false,"takenOn":"2020-09-23T00:00:00Z","thumbnailResizeUrl":"/resizer/MUFhtVNqBM1h4MUJeeFJ5SsbaPM=/300x0/arc-photo-irishtimes/eu-central-1-prod/public/SPZQNMDURNE5TJXN3HEARHEAL4.jpg","usage_instructions":"Model Released (MR) ","version":0,"template_id":283},"address":{},"auth":{"1":"892d406656025b17b299bde4d9555094ca23beb8589069c80d810482b6fcd499"},"caption":"No one has a right to have sex with anyone else. Photograph: Getty","created_date":"2023-11-17T12:09:06Z","credits":{"affiliation":[{"name":"Getty Images","type":"author"}],"by":[{"byline":"ArtistGNDphotography","name":"ArtistGNDphotography","type":"author"}]},"distributor":{"category":"stock","mode":"custom","name":"Agency Stock"},"height":4856,"image_type":"photograph","last_updated_date":"2023-11-17T12:09:06Z","licensable":false,"owner":{"id":"irishtimes","sponsored":false},"slug":"1353629776","source":{"name":"Agency Stock","source_type":"stock","additional_properties":{"editor":"photo center"},"edit_url":"","system":"photo center"},"subtitle":"","taxonomy":{"associated_tasks":[]},"type":"image","url":"https://cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/irishtimes/SPZQNMDURNE5TJXN3HEARHEAL4.jpg","version":"0.10.9","width":7327,"syndication":{},"creditIPTC":"Getty Images"}},"related_content":{"basic":[],"redirect":[]},"distributor":{"category":"staff","name":"irishtimes","subcategory":""},"geo":{},"planning":{"budget_line":"No-one has a right to sex with anyone else.","scheduling":{"planned_publish_date":"2023-11-26T05:00:00.000Z","will_have_image":true},"story_length":{"character_count_actual":6803,"line_count_actual":40,"word_count_actual":1159}},"display_date":"2023-11-26T05:00:00Z","credits":{"by":[{"_id":"roe-mcdermott","type":"author","version":"0.5.8","name":"Roe McDermott","image":{"url":"https://s3.amazonaws.com/arc-authors/irishtimes/88943a35-1ec5-4362-bf9b-08c97d02e367.png","version":"0.5.8","type":"image","auth":{"1":"96faae5b45618447c186fdec0935e62a21d3ebe6c970ca161e47d665b1b9d521"}},"description":"Roe McDermott, a contributor to The Irish Times, writes a weekly column in the Magazine answering readers' queries about sex and relationships","url":"/author/roe-mcdermott/","slug":"roe-mcdermott","social_links":[{"site":"email","url":"dearroe@irishtimes.com"},{"site":"twitter","url":"roemcdermott"}],"socialLinks":[{"site":"email","url":"dearroe@irishtimes.com","deprecated":true,"deprecation_msg":"Please use social_links."},{"site":"twitter","url":"roemcdermott","deprecated":true,"deprecation_msg":"Please use social_links."}],"additional_properties":{"original":{"_id":"roe-mcdermott","firstName":"Roe","lastName":"McDermott","byline":"Roe McDermott","image":"https://s3.amazonaws.com/arc-authors/irishtimes/88943a35-1ec5-4362-bf9b-08c97d02e367.png","email":"dearroe@irishtimes.com","affiliations":"","author_type":"Contributor","education":[],"awards":[],"books":[],"podcasts":[],"twitter":"roemcdermott","bio_page":"/author/roe-mcdermott/","bio":"Roe McDermott, a contributor to The Irish Times, writes a weekly column in the Magazine answering readers' queries about sex and relationships","longBio":"Roe McDermott, a contributor to The Irish Times, writes a weekly column in the Magazine answering readers' queries about sex and relationships. A writer and Fulbright scholar with an MA in sexuality studies from San Francisco State University, she is researching a PhD in gendered and sexual citizenship at the Open University and Oxford","slug":"roe-mcdermott","native_app_rendering":false,"fuzzy_match":false,"contributor":false,"status":true,"type":"author","last_updated_date":"2022-06-08T18:10:47.931Z","role":"Contributor","ansImage":{"type":"image","url":"https://s3.amazonaws.com/arc-authors/irishtimes/88943a35-1ec5-4362-bf9b-08c97d02e367.png","auth":{"1":"96faae5b45618447c186fdec0935e62a21d3ebe6c970ca161e47d665b1b9d521"}}}}}]},"subtype":"columnist","first_publish_date":"2023-11-26T05:00:00.784Z","websites":{"irishtimes":{"website_section":{"_id":"/health/your-wellness","navigation":{"nav_title":"Your Wellness"},"_admin":{"alias_ids":["/health/your-wellness"]},"metadata":{"metadata_title":"Your Wellness | The Irish Times","metadata_description":"Latest Wellbeing news advice and comment, including tips and advice for staying healthy in body and mind brought to you by the definitive brand of quality journalism. Read The Irish Times."},"Paywall":{"paywall-status":"free"},"_website":"irishtimes","name":"Your Wellness","order":{"default":2003,"hamburger-menu":2003,"App-Hamburger":2003,"composer-relevant-sections":2003,"section-page-subnavs":2003},"parent":{"default":"/health","hamburger-menu":"/health","App-Hamburger":"/health","navbar-NU":null,"Comopser":null,"composer-relevant-sections":"/health","section-page-subnavs":"/health","sitemap-section":null},"ancestors":{"default":["/health"],"hamburger-menu":["/","/health"],"App-Hamburger":["/","/health"],"navbar-NU":[],"Comopser":[],"composer-relevant-sections":["/health"],"section-page-subnavs":["/health"],"sitemap-section":[]},"inactive":false,"node_type":"section","children":[],"Newsletter":{"newsletterid":"News Digest"}},"website_url":"/health/your-wellness/2023/11/26/im-an-assault-survivor-and-dont-want-as-much-sex-as-my-partner/"}},"additional_properties":{"audio_duration":436,"audio_url":"https://d22tbkdovk5ea2.cloudfront.net/audio/projects/8948/podcasts/9450380/media/ce442342e0dc44d03f3f3ba383500716_compiled.mp3","has_published_copy":true,"is_published":true,"publish_date":"2023-11-26T05:00:00.784Z"},"publish_date":"2023-11-29T18:01:56.211Z","slug":"mgroe","canonical_url":"/health/your-wellness/2023/11/26/im-an-assault-survivor-and-dont-want-as-much-sex-as-my-partner/","publishing":{"scheduled_operations":{"publish_edition":[],"unpublish_edition":[]}},"website":"irishtimes","website_url":"/health/your-wellness/2023/11/26/im-an-assault-survivor-and-dont-want-as-much-sex-as-my-partner/"};Fusion.globalContentConfig={"source":"content-api-it","query":{"uri":"/health/your-wellness/2023/11/26/im-an-assault-survivor-and-dont-want-as-much-sex-as-my-partner/","website_url":"/health/your-wellness/2023/11/26/im-an-assault-survivor-and-dont-want-as-much-sex-as-my-partner/","arc-site":"irishtimes"}};Fusion.lastModified=1751103375797;Fusion.contentCache={"signing-service":{"{\"id\":\"SPZQNMDURNE5TJXN3HEARHEAL4\"}":{"data":{"hash":"892d406656025b17b299bde4d9555094ca23beb8589069c80d810482b6fcd499","type":"sha256","_id":"3467ba225e2791a3f3f6925bd47cafc848e76c7e740fd1cab92aba5e9bc69214"},"expires":1782639374418,"lastModified":1751103374272},"{\"id\":\"https://static.themebuilder.aws.arc.pub/irishtimes/1647534191476.png\"}":{"data":{"hash":"631eeaa12e7a61c005c8eb0bbf348f785c131b10c4d6b25c28247a15965b5a36","type":"sha256","_id":"8bd659e252b82de6c27bac42028373920e436646b273a5c0296651a455305fed"},"expires":1782587734977,"lastModified":1751051734838},"{\"id\":\"https://s3.amazonaws.com/arc-authors/irishtimes/88943a35-1ec5-4362-bf9b-08c97d02e367.png\"}":{"data":{"hash":"96faae5b45618447c186fdec0935e62a21d3ebe6c970ca161e47d665b1b9d521","type":"sha256","_id":"a152f856e06d3d5cd84cc0d8049ff2300071fbecb76edbfbe6a65468792da50a"},"expires":1782384814989,"lastModified":1750848814849}},"site-service-hierarchy":{"{\"feature\":\"header-nav-chain\",\"hierarchy\":\"hamburger-menu\"}":{"data":{"children":[{"_id":"link-MY7K0TYT012WZ0V1ZB8PHF0MJC","children":[],"display_name":"Home","node_type":"link","url":"/"},{"_id":"link-TB2EY564VN0N56D137NVP6G5MW","children":[],"display_name":"Latest","node_type":"link","url":"/latest/"},{"_id":"link-ZNGH139WJX4419P1E6XFB2YQBM","children":[],"display_name":"Subscriber Only","node_type":"link","url":"/subscriber-only/"},{"_id":"/crosswords-puzzles","children":[{"_id":"link-9RFF8NMDUX08917NND3Z3M1JDR","display_name":"Crosaire","node_type":"link","url":"/crosswords-puzzles/crosaire"},{"_id":"link-31JQ6NX1K92T907WWAU7P7R5RG","display_name":"Simplex","node_type":"link","url":"/crosswords-puzzles/simplex"},{"_id":"link-FVP3FUVCB93Z5DEH56JPZQA70C","display_name":"Sudoku","node_type":"link","url":"/crosswords-puzzles/sudoku"},{"_id":"link-OZWXQ6FKZNAJJGASG6FTFLQRC4","display_name":"News Quiz","node_type":"link","url":"/crosswords-puzzles/news-quiz/"}],"name":"Crosswords & Puzzles","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/ireland","children":[{"_id":"/ireland/dublin","name":"Dublin","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/ireland/education","name":"Education","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/ireland/housing-planning","name":"Housing & Planning","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/ireland/social-affairs","name":"Social Affairs","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"link-432NSPB3WJAAXKSTOTZHACT5EA","display_name":"Stardust","node_type":"link","url":"/ireland/stardust/"}],"name":"Ireland","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/politics","children":[{"_id":"link-MWT7CPJ6Z906HA5HZY5HARQ548","display_name":"Poll","node_type":"link","url":"/politics/poll/"},{"_id":"/politics/oireachtas","name":"Oireachtas","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"link-OVTSEK2LEVCQ7GP5I7N7EIKPG4","display_name":"Common Ground","node_type":"link","url":"/common-ground/"},{"_id":"link-NEXLKC3P6FGHTETMXIAACQJCZY","display_name":"Election 2024","node_type":"link","url":"/election2024/"},{"_id":"link-8RRAYZT2TN65HCHPB8CHE4QEPR","display_name":"Elections & Referendums","node_type":"link","url":"/politics/elections-referendums/"}],"name":"Politics","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/opinion","children":[{"_id":"/opinion/editorials","name":"Editorials","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/opinion/an-irish-diary","name":"An Irish Diary","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/opinion/letters","name":"Letters","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/opinion/cartoon","name":"Cartoon","node_type":"section"}],"name":"Opinion","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/business","children":[{"_id":"/business/economy","name":"Economy","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/business/farming-food","name":"Farming & Food","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/business/financial-services","name":"Financial Services","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/business/innovation","name":"Innovation","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/business/markets","name":"Markets","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/business/work","name":"Work","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"link-WE72QDDTEN5EFDZ52U3CGYEZGC","display_name":"Commercial Property","node_type":"link","url":"/property/commercial-property"}],"name":"Business","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/world","children":[{"_id":"/world/europe","name":"Europe","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/world/uk","name":"UK","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/world/us","name":"US","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/world/canada","name":"Canada","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/world/australia","name":"Australia","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/world/africa","name":"Africa","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/world/americas","name":"Americas","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/world/asia-pacific","name":"Asia-Pacific","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/world/middle-east","name":"Middle East","node_type":"section"}],"name":"World","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/sport","children":[{"_id":"link-HD4J34DRARFFVNDHRJLDS6LG6Q","display_name":"Lions Tour","node_type":"link","url":"/tags/lions-tour/"},{"_id":"/sport/rugby","name":"Rugby","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/sport/gaelic-games","name":"Gaelic Games","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/sport/soccer","name":"Soccer","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/sport/golf","name":"Golf","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/sport/racing","name":"Racing","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/sport/athletics","name":"Athletics","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/sport/boxing","name":"Boxing","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/sport/cycling","name":"Cycling","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/sport/hockey","name":"Hockey","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/sport/tennis","name":"Tennis","node_type":"section"}],"name":"Sport","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/your-money","children":[{"_id":"link-C1H4ZB3MP50VZ1C521YDGVJEXR","display_name":"Pricewatch","node_type":"link","url":"/tags/pricewatch"},{"_id":"link-Y4XAEWLBNJH7DOEQJ3UQ4UXOOU","display_name":"Budget 2026","node_type":"link","url":"/budget/"}],"name":"Your Money","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/crime-law","children":[{"_id":"/crime-law/courts","name":"Courts","node_type":"section"}],"name":"Crime & Law","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/property","children":[{"_id":"/property/residential","name":"Residential","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/property/commercial-property","name":"Commercial Property","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/property/interiors","name":"Interiors","node_type":"section"}],"name":"Property","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/food","children":[{"_id":"/food/drink","name":"Drink","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/food/recipes","name":"Recipes","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/food/restaurants","name":"Restaurants","node_type":"section"}],"name":"Food","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/health","children":[{"_id":"/health/your-family","name":"Your Family","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/health/your-fitness","name":"Your Fitness","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/health/your-wellness","name":"Your Wellness","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/health/your-fitness/get-running","name":"Get Running","node_type":"section"}],"name":"Health","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/life-style","children":[{"_id":"/life-style/fashion","name":"Fashion","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"link-54NMKENEB5ALXEEOCI6MUIRMDI","display_name":"Beauty","node_type":"link","url":"/tags/beauty/"},{"_id":"/life-style/fine-art-antiques","name":"Fine Art & Antiques","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/life-style/gardening","name":"Gardening","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/life-style/people","name":"People","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/life-style/travel","name":"Travel","node_type":"section"}],"name":"Life & Style","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/culture","children":[{"_id":"/culture/art","name":"Art","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/culture/books","name":"Books","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/culture/film","name":"Film","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/culture/music","name":"Music","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/culture/stage","name":"Stage","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/culture/tv-radio","name":"TV & Radio","node_type":"section"}],"name":"Culture","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/environment","children":[{"_id":"/environment/climate-crisis","name":"Climate Crisis","node_type":"section"}],"name":"Environment","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/technology","children":[{"_id":"/technology/big-tech","name":"Big Tech","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/technology/consumer-tech","name":"Consumer Tech","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/technology/data-security","name":"Data & Security","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/technology/gaming","name":"Gaming","node_type":"section"}],"name":"Technology","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/science","children":[{"_id":"/science/space","name":"Space","node_type":"section"}],"name":"Science","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/media","children":[],"name":"Media","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/abroad","children":[],"name":"Abroad","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/obituaries","children":[],"name":"Obituaries","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/transport","children":[],"name":"Transport","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/motors","children":[{"_id":"link-9JYG4R2HT934Q3XVN59UWD3R44","display_name":"Car Reviews","node_type":"link","url":"/motors/car-reviews/"}],"name":"Motors","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"link-TW6BFCQ2W149F0E26FF5PJ8AEM","children":[],"display_name":"Listen","node_type":"link","url":"/listen/"},{"_id":"/podcasts","children":[{"_id":"/podcasts/in-the-news","name":"In the News Podcast","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/podcasts/inside-politics","name":"Inside Politics Podcast","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/podcasts/the-womens-podcast","name":"The Women's Podcast","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/podcasts/inside-business","name":"Inside Business Podcast","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/podcasts/ross-ocarroll-kelly","name":"Ross O'Carroll-Kelly","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/podcasts/the-counter-ruck","name":"The Counter Ruck Podcast","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/podcasts/conversations-with-parents","name":"Conversations with Parents Podcast","node_type":"section"}],"name":"Podcasts","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/video","children":[],"name":"Video","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/photography","children":[],"name":"Photography","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/gaeilge","children":[{"_id":"/gaeilge/tuarascail","name":"Tuarascáil","node_type":"section"}],"name":"Gaeilge","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/history","children":[{"_id":"/history/century","name":"Century","node_type":"section"}],"name":"History","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/student-hub","children":[],"name":"Student Hub","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/offbeat","children":[],"name":"Offbeat","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"link-60C66RDFC91ZZ7GZUA0N497XAC","children":[],"display_name":"Family Notices","node_type":"link","url":"https://notices.irishtimes.com"},{"_id":"/sponsored","children":[{"_id":"/advertising-feature","name":"Advertising Feature","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/special-reports","name":"Special Reports","node_type":"section"}],"name":"Sponsored","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"link-20YXWFDCNH4233PCDANMHA4VT8","children":[],"display_name":"Subscriber Rewards","node_type":"link","url":"/subscriber-rewards/"},{"_id":"/competitions","children":[],"name":"Competitions","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/newsletters","children":[],"name":"Newsletters","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"link-2YA5DNVQF928HEF4EKE1Q0AMEM","children":[],"display_name":"Weather Forecast","node_type":"link","url":"/weather/"}],"_id":"/"},"expires":1751103538079,"lastModified":1751103238033}},"site-service-hierarchy-it":{"{\"arcSite\":\"irishtimes\",\"hierarchy\":\"Logged-in-navigation\"}":{"data":{"children":[{"display_name":"My Account;Manage your account","url":"/myaccount"},{"display_name":"Digital Subscriptions; Frequently asked questions and support","url":"https://help.irishtimes.com"},{"display_name":"Subscriber Only Articles;Specially selected and available only to our subscribers","url":"/subscriber-only/"},{"display_name":"Crosswords & Puzzles;Digital Simplex and Crosaire crosswords","url":"/crosswords-puzzles/"},{"display_name":"Subscriber Rewards;Discover a selection of rewards just for you","url":"/subscriber-rewards/"},{"display_name":"Newsletters;Sign up to get the stories you want delivered to your inbox","url":"/newsletters/"},{"display_name":"Subscriber Tour;Explore the features of your subscription","url":"https://www.irishtimes.com/your-subscription/subscription-tour"},{"display_name":"Newspaper Archive;150 years of Irish Times journalism","url":"https://www.irishtimes.com/premium/loginpage"},{"display_name":"Mobile app;Our Apple and Android apps to read on the go","url":"/apps/"}],"_id":"/"},"expires":1751103389684,"lastModified":1751103089652},"{\"feature\":\"footer\",\"hierarchy\":\"footer\"}":{"data":{"children":[{"_id":"/subscribe","children":[{"_id":"link-DGDAM5YPRN6XFDAP5JVDMNAVVC","display_name":"Why Subscribe?","node_type":"link","url":"/your-subscription/subscription-tour"},{"_id":"link-CM7751G0QH6MZDQGFJ2U872KJW","display_name":"Subscription Bundles","node_type":"link","url":"/subscribe"},{"_id":"link-20YXWFDCNH4233PCDANMHA4VT8","display_name":"Subscriber Rewards","node_type":"link","url":"/subscriber-rewards/"},{"_id":"link-INNQ4KIFSFDWHLJIC7INQXWWGY","display_name":"Student Subscription","node_type":"link","url":"/subscribe/student/"},{"_id":"link-MFHX19ZTJ90JDAV1MZWFRRRCBR","display_name":"Subscription Help Centre","node_type":"link","url":"https://help.irishtimes.com/s/"},{"_id":"link-5YM8CZDMVH2CQ08T2B33MHANWR","display_name":"Home Delivery","node_type":"link","url":"http://www.newsdelivery.ie"}],"name":"Subscribe","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/support","children":[{"_id":"link-G3XEUGHAGT79B4DJ5W73WNFQY0","display_name":"Contact Us","node_type":"link","url":"/about-us/contact-us"},{"_id":"link-C8T475KX5D1KDAW12U8Q12T5MC","display_name":"Help Centre","node_type":"link","url":"https://help.irishtimes.com/s/"},{"_id":"link-NV2UTHTYXX1EN982NWZ92BVPZW","display_name":"My Account","node_type":"link","url":"/myaccount"}],"name":"Support","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/about-us","children":[{"_id":"link-Z9KM76KCK1375DMR7HKZ3BAAYG","display_name":"Advertise","node_type":"link","url":"/about-us/advertise"},{"_id":"link-C0YP70N1BT3BTF13YZ3GQFFW5R","display_name":"Contact Us","node_type":"link","url":"/about-us/contact-us"},{"_id":"link-HPPYKQZRWN3T10Y4E0NXN002NC","display_name":"The Irish Times Trust","node_type":"link","url":"/about-us/the-irish-times-trust/"},{"_id":"link-YV5H3Y4TQH5AVE8N4AUH222RK4","display_name":"Careers","node_type":"link","url":"/about-us/career-opportunities"}],"name":"About Us","node_type":"section"},{"_id":"/product-and-services","children":[{"_id":"link-QR4AME90917AK29M6XVEJMX9N8","display_name":"ePaper","node_type":"link","url":"/epaper"},{"_id":"link-8XJ7X9GPZX2H11NJE3GWW45748","display_name":"Crosswords & puzzles","node_type":"link","url":"/crosswords-puzzles/"},{"_id":"link-B7ENRD4YCD77ZCV67531F5ZEP8","display_name":"Newspaper Archive","node_type":"link","url":"/archive"},{"_id":"link-7XMTETWQ05553ADVQ26YD2PN5M","display_name":"Newsletters","node_type":"link","url":"/newsletters"},{"_id":"link-QKK62NMCJT4751EU158MVUQ6J8","display_name":"Article Index","node_type":"link","url":"https://www.irishtimes.com/article-index/"},{"_id":"link-1YQEPDVX8X06D9BVQXQZ2U9GWM","display_name":"Discount Codes","node_type":"link","url":"https://discountcodes.irishtimes.com/"}],"name":"Irish Times Products & Services","node_type":"section"}],"_id":"/"},"expires":1751103534472,"lastModified":1751103234234},"{\"feature\":\"footer\",\"hierarchy\":\"our-partners\"}":{"data":{"children":[{"_id":"link-RZ2ANKYPEH3D10YNR9JVH7VNMC","display_name":"MyHome.ie","node_type":"link","url":"https://www.myhome.ie"},{"_id":"link-B11GV8GN694GF8VF4DABJK72P4","display_name":"The Gloss","node_type":"link","url":"https://www.thegloss.ie"},{"_id":"link-TW1E9G03UX64TE4GX1KT8AC2U8","display_name":"Recruit Ireland","node_type":"link","url":"https://recruitireland.com/"},{"_id":"link-H2ZDK285TX65VCFVDB90GEG8K0","display_name":"Irish Times Training","node_type":"link","url":"https://www.irishtimestraining.com/"},{"_id":"link-LTCTRPJE2FGBLF7UZ2SSX7NBME","display_name":"RIP.ie","node_type":"link","url":"https://rip.ie/"}],"_id":"/"},"expires":1751103408024,"lastModified":1751103107996}},"alert-bar-collections":{"{\"from\":0,\"site\":\"irishtimes\",\"size\":1}":{"data":{"_id":"DL4WZLD3QVA55FOFBOQ3ZET6TY","version":"0.10.6","created_date":"2022-02-02T13:23:38.460Z","headlines":{"basic":"Breaking News Alert"},"last_updated_date":"2025-06-24T00:52:49.592Z","type":"collection","canonical_website":"irishtimes","websites":{"irishtimes":{}},"content_elements":[],"description":{"basic":"This collection powers the Alert Bar block on the website"},"content_aliases":["alert-bar"],"owner":{"id":"irishtimes"},"revision":{"branch":"default","published":true},"canonical_url":null,"publishing":{"scheduled_operations":{"publish_edition":[],"unpublish_edition":[]}},"website":"irishtimes"},"expires":1751103423002,"lastModified":1751103302954}},"content-api-collections":{"{\"content_alias\":\"roe-mcdermott\",\"feature\":\"top-table-list\",\"from\":0,\"size\":5}":{"data":{"content_elements":[{"_id":"KGSGVVQNPZD5FD7VNFIULUINEM","credits":{"by":[{"_id":"roe-mcdermott","additional_properties":{"original":{"byline":"Roe McDermott"}},"name":"Roe McDermott","type":"author","url":"/author/roe-mcdermott/"}]},"description":{"basic":"Ask Roe: I know he wasn’t great, but I still miss him and occasionally stalk his social media account"},"display_date":"2025-02-02T05:00:00Z","headlines":{"basic":"I ended my situationship six months ago but I’m still not over him. How do I move on?"},"label":{},"owner":{"sponsored":false},"promo_items":{"basic":{"_id":"PKWVUWNCNNDJZLSUEBXJTTOZCY","auth":{"1":"686164ec55df8bd6ad0db6c89b47dc19e01492e17a4998731b2ff7e3748316fe"},"type":"image","url":"https://cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/irishtimes/PKWVUWNCNNDJZLSUEBXJTTOZCY.jpg"}},"type":"story","websites":{"irishtimes":{"website_section":{"_id":"/health/your-wellness","name":"Your Wellness"},"website_url":"/health/your-wellness/2025/02/02/i-ended-my-situationship-six-months-ago-but-im-still-not-over-him-how-do-i-move-on/"}}},{"_id":"YK5K4X5YNBETZISLTDMDSJUY2Y","credits":{"by":[{"_id":"roe-mcdermott","additional_properties":{"original":{"byline":"Roe McDermott"}},"name":"Roe McDermott","type":"author","url":"/author/roe-mcdermott/"}]},"description":{"basic":"Ask Roe: we both feel that we need some more help with arousal, but we are afraid to access porn in case the guards end up at our door"},"display_date":"2024-07-21T04:00:00Z","headlines":{"basic":"Where can my wife and I access porn that is both legal and erotic?"},"label":{},"owner":{"sponsored":false},"promo_items":{"basic":{"_id":"YZNSUBNZ45DE3BU6WYR3CX4SWY","auth":{"1":"1e3207fecaf3f347ae05ceda4497fbe6aab65f7700dc78a6dd03e5a6e830161e"},"focal_point":{"x":1980,"y":1490},"type":"image","url":"https://cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/irishtimes/YZNSUBNZ45DE3BU6WYR3CX4SWY.jpg"}},"type":"story","websites":{"irishtimes":{"website_section":{"_id":"/health/your-wellness","name":"Your Wellness"},"website_url":"/health/your-wellness/2024/07/21/my-wife-and-i-want-to-explore-erotica-where-do-we-start/"}}},{"_id":"JAIVOATWBZDS7N7Z4GW7EDF36Y","credits":{"by":[{"_id":"roe-mcdermott","additional_properties":{"original":{"byline":"Roe McDermott"}},"name":"Roe McDermott","type":"author","url":"/author/roe-mcdermott/"}]},"description":{"basic":"Ask Roe: I think we could be great together but he’s flaky and can go radio silent for days"},"display_date":"2024-06-23T04:00:00Z","headlines":{"basic":"I think I’m in love with my ‘situationship’ but he doesn’t feel the same"},"label":{},"owner":{"sponsored":false},"promo_items":{"basic":{"_id":"WFIV2SDP6VDYPILUPDLGKTNQG4","auth":{"1":"d0e96591baa110d0102a4349c5a9dc2592cc5ec1845c8d2630d80d89c3f488e7"},"type":"image","url":"https://cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/irishtimes/WFIV2SDP6VDYPILUPDLGKTNQG4.jpg"}},"type":"story","websites":{"irishtimes":{"website_section":{"_id":"/health/your-wellness","name":"Your Wellness"},"website_url":"/health/your-wellness/2024/07/04/situationships-i-think-im-in-love-but-we-only-ever-hang-out-in-group-situations-or-to-have-sex/"}}},{"_id":"YLEYP5AUUBGULCJHVJEBPPRAAI","credits":{"by":[{"_id":"roe-mcdermott","additional_properties":{"original":{"byline":"Roe McDermott"}},"name":"Roe McDermott","type":"author","url":"/author/roe-mcdermott/"}]},"description":{"basic":"Ask Roe: I want to offer support but not at the cost of our relationship or my sanity"},"display_date":"2025-02-16T05:00:00Z","headlines":{"basic":"‘My brother-in-law wants to move in with us but I don’t think my marriage will survive it’"},"label":{},"owner":{"sponsored":false},"promo_items":{"basic":{"_id":"GHLG7MYUQBHXHPBYUUO4ETAFPQ","auth":{"1":"05709137505a44992f830380103c5611b2ac4d6c38e399ece61eee5eeb1e0adc"},"type":"image","url":"https://cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/irishtimes/GHLG7MYUQBHXHPBYUUO4ETAFPQ.jpg"}},"type":"story","websites":{"irishtimes":{"website_section":{"_id":"/health/your-wellness","name":"Your Wellness"},"website_url":"/health/your-wellness/2025/02/16/my-brother-in-law-wants-to-move-in-with-us-but-i-dont-think-my-marriage-will-survive-it/"}}},{"_id":"SCYONN3A75CQJMOMFOXEF3MS6M","credits":{"by":[{"_id":"roe-mcdermott","additional_properties":{"original":{"byline":"Roe McDermott"}},"name":"Roe McDermott","type":"author","url":"/author/roe-mcdermott/"}]},"description":{"basic":"Ask Roe: I’ve tried giving advice and I hate seeing him unhappy, but lately I’ve been dreading going home. What can I do to improve my situation?"},"display_date":"2024-03-31T04:00:00Z","headlines":{"basic":"‘My partner hates his job – but his endless complaining is making me miserable’"},"label":{},"owner":{"sponsored":false},"promo_items":{"basic":{"_id":"OOHV233RJNCOTLKVQ6YUYWLEOM","auth":{"1":"e8da4c22aeb1b6dabc0c9e4080dcdfacbfb95368b718556b716c45030dbfcde8"},"type":"image","url":"https://cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/irishtimes/OOHV233RJNCOTLKVQ6YUYWLEOM.jpg"}},"type":"story","websites":{"irishtimes":{"website_section":{"_id":"/health/your-wellness","name":"Your Wellness"},"website_url":"/health/your-wellness/2024/03/31/my-partner-hates-his-job-but-his-endless-complaining-is-making-me-miserable/"}}}],"_id":"UIIMWHAEQNEUHEVQEO3LW2DKOA"},"expires":1751103389163,"lastModified":1751103089078}},"related-content":{"{\"_id\":\"FQH5GA4TRVEHFK3JGDD73XBPOE\",\"feedOffset\":0,\"feedSize\":1}":{"data":{"content_elements":[],"_id":"cbeb882bd5e6eac050100fdfb71b296e0ff856b5eb25d0e162f213176e19d44e"},"expires":1751103674541,"lastModified":1751103374283}},"story-feed-sections":{"{\"feedOffset\":0,\"feedSize\":5,\"includeSections\":\"/health/your-wellness\"}":{"data":{"content_elements":[{"_id":"J52ZVVBTQNE7NNI6BX5ZRL24NI","additional_properties":{"audio_duration":471,"audio_url":"https://cdn.beyondwords.io/audio/projects/8948/podcasts/29e61e4a-36a5-40a3-b49f-3fa5b83ae45b/versions/1750160542/media/a7f1a5f01f45aeaa6ca412eb9f092d75_compiled.mp3"},"canonical_url":"/health/your-wellness/2025/06/26/relationships-and-neurodivergence-its-about-recognising-where-you-both-struggle-and-where-you-both-thrive/","content_elements":[{"_id":"NURMRDJW5NFZXK3WFJAVQYCI7Y","additional_properties":{},"content":"From the outside, some couples make relationships look easy. As though they were always meant to be together and simply ‘get each other’. But relationships are often more complicated than they seem, and the younger generations are navigating an increasingly challenging relationship landscape.","type":"text"},{"_id":"5G76RVAYJNDAREYYH7NMXDLGTM","additional_properties":{},"content":" With more people being identified as neurodiverse, the dating scene becomes even more intricate. ","type":"text"},{"_id":"5DYMPZN7MBGEPATGLWHXLSUBKQ","additional_properties":{},"content":"“As humans, our need for connection is vital, not just for survival, but for companionship, love, and even growing a family,” says Afrah Al-yufrusi, psychosexual and relationship therapist with the Evidence-Based Therapy Centre in Galway. ","type":"text"},{"_id":"NYIHU222HVGYBE5REPP6FXEVUY","additional_properties":{},"content":"“For those of us who experience neurodiversity, how we connect and relate to others may look different. We are influenced by early relationships, cultural experiences, personality traits, and how our brains are wired. These neurodivergent traits can affect how we navigate the world and, of course, how we form and maintain relationships.” ","type":"text"},{"_id":"FGYLZMZQA5AYLFYOGE3L2DTZ64","additional_properties":{},"content":"When we consider relationships at a base level, they come with a nuanced understanding that everyone is different. How people connect and develop relationships is often influenced by personalities and past experiences. Relationships are always complex. Couples navigating neurodiverse connections may find it more intricate as they seek to embrace the neurological differences within their relationship. ","type":"text"},{"_id":"HHS4HTAT6ZDINIBBXFQLIHNBXM","additional_properties":{},"content":"“Let’s not sugar-coat this, relationships are challenging for everyone,” says Al-yufrusi. “Ari Tuckman says: ‘A good relationship pushes you to become a better person.’ They take hard work, commitment, communication and reflection. The idea of ‘happily ever after’ in movies doesn’t prepare us for the real, everyday challenges. When things don’t match our expectations, frustration can build, disappointment sets in, and suddenly we’re questioning our self-worth.”","type":"text"},{"_id":"Q44FAD5WURGLPKWHV2G3EFJ7V4","additional_properties":{},"content":"A neurodiverse relationship comes with potential challenges such as a difficulty in expressing emotions, experiencing different sensory sensitivities, and miscommunication. Awareness, understanding and appreciation of neurodiverse differences is important in a relationship that may also be affected by potential social stigma. ","type":"text"},{"_id":"TM3LR6JPPRAKDEA3O36YW47NB4","additional_properties":{},"content":"“In neurodivergent relationships, these challenges don’t disappear, they’re often just amplified,” says Al-yufrusi. She explains this by using the example of a partner with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) who might forget repeatedly to pay a bill, despite being capable and competent, leading to arguments and financial stress within the relationship.","type":"text"},{"_id":"GWUECFDPLRGNDBY4XWJ4MMO7KY","additional_properties":{},"content":"“These small issues can create distance, as partners may start to turn away from each other rather than addressing the problem together,” she says. “It can be especially difficult when consistency seems out of reach. Over time, this can lead to feelings of isolation and a widening emotional gap.”","type":"text"},{"_id":"LGBYWVYZ6NEXZD3XDZUR2ARMBU","additional_properties":{},"content":"The key to a happy long-term relationship? Permission to let yourselves be boring","type":"interstitial_link"},{"_id":"54X7V5L6RRATHCIDYMVZM2GOGE","additional_properties":{},"content":"Another example is a partner with autism who might look for more structure or predictability in their life and relationships. They may find it difficult to show empathy in the way their partner expects and express their love through different actions other than words or physical contact such as maintaining the house. Al-yufrusi says that when these small but significant differences aren’t recognised, it can leave both partners feeling misunderstood. Not everyone expresses love in the same way and it’s important to recognise that neurodivergent individuals may not express and receive love in ways that are considered to be more traditional, such as receiving gifts, words of affirmation, or acts of service. ","type":"text"},{"_id":"NHZZPTHLYJBCXKTCRPZZMJJNL4","additional_properties":{},"content":"“If you and your partner have different ways of expressing love, there can be disconnects, but it’s all about understanding and bridging the gap. It’s not about changing the person. It’s about embracing the unique ways in which they express affection,” says Al-yufrusi. “It’s important to be flexible and mindful of how these languages play out in a relationship.”","type":"text"},{"_id":"XZPDJ3P6WBG2JED2KWTSZRSXHE","additional_properties":{},"content":"Recognising neurodivergence can be challenging, especially when a partner masks their neurodiverse traits. The signs and patterns will be there, however. Some of these include a partner who is easily distracted, forgets plans, or needs more time to process information or emotions. ","type":"text"},{"_id":"U4NY2WBSFFGMHJOSUK4VOL6ENI","additional_properties":{},"content":"“However, it’s important to remember that neurodivergence is not an excuse for bad behaviour in a relationship,” Al-yufrusi asserts. ","type":"text"},{"_id":"TEPWHJ3ZVNBJZEB2TP2XMD422A","additional_properties":{},"content":"“Sometimes, it can be challenging to distinguish between neurodivergent traits and a situation where your partner may not be valuing you or the relationship. It’s crucial to take a step back and assess the situation, whether it’s a communication issue related to neurodivergence or a deeper relational issue that needs attention.”","type":"text"},{"_id":"RFLDLRP7ZVC5LH3NF56NF56U3E","additional_properties":{},"subtype":"pullquote","type":"quote"},{"_id":"MSQ7CSJCFJFQ7HCJS2HF53M2X4","additional_properties":{},"content":"It’s important to identify that a person with ADHD may be challenged by attention regulation and may seem disengaged during conversations, non-committal or forgetful. Someone with autism may experience sensory overwhelm, prefer routines, or struggle with certain social cues. The signs are subtle, says Al-yufrusi, but are important to notice.","type":"text"},{"_id":"5XWSZLMQNJC5BCKO4Q4EHHCFY4","additional_properties":{},"content":"“If you’re in a relationship and recognise these behaviours in yourself or your partner, it might be worth considering whether neurodivergence is playing a role,” she says.","type":"text"},{"_id":"GWZDSG3P5ZGPBCLE7SIIKNZ2YY","additional_properties":{},"content":"“Sometimes, this realisation comes after a diagnosis in our children, or it may surface as we reflect on our own childhood experiences or recognise patterns in our relationship. It could also be sparked by something we’ve read or seen. For some, it can be particularly challenging when they reach perimenopause, and the strategies they’ve relied on no longer work, making it harder to mask their neurodivergent traits.”","type":"text"},{"_id":"ECPQ5PL7VZAVZNTKBZTQYECH7M","additional_properties":{},"content":"The best advice Al-yufrusi can give to readers navigating a neurodiverse relationship is to encourage a personal level of self-awareness. ","type":"text"},{"_id":"LTXLKK7LURGUNLOGXV6DPKBKZU","additional_properties":{},"content":"“Understanding your own neurodivergent traits is the first step,” she says. “When you know yourself, you’re better equipped to communicate your needs and understand your partner’s. It’s about recognising where you both struggle and where you both thrive.”","type":"text"},{"_id":"SFA7A6WS4RA5LKBTMK3I7L7CGU","additional_properties":{},"content":"Within this self-awareness, Al-yufrusi suggests that self-regulation is also crucial as couples can learn to manage their emotions, especially in times of stress, by creating space for both partners to reconnect and communicate effectively. Miscommunication is another obstacle. As one partner is struggling with sensory overload, the other can feel ignored or dismissed.","type":"text"},{"_id":"T3FTFOLJ6VCPVIA3NXAM566DXQ","additional_properties":{},"content":"Adult diagnosis of ADHD: ‘It was such a moment of clarity’","type":"interstitial_link"},{"_id":"LGALWOMAHRFBZOSKNSUO2WTOYI","additional_properties":{},"content":"“When you understand the underlying cause, whether it’s ADHD, autism, or any other neurodivergent trait, you can approach it with more empathy,” says Al-yufrusi. Communication, empathy, understanding and mutual respect encourage a relationship to thrive.","type":"text"},{"_id":"P52K6AA75ZC2XC5BZ2IJJG2PJE","additional_properties":{},"content":"“Neurodivergent relationships can be both challenging and deeply rewarding,” says Al-yufrusi. “The key to making them work lies in understanding yourself, your partner, and the neurodivergent traits that shape your interactions. With self-awareness, good communication, empathy and patience, neurodivergent relationships can thrive, offering growth, connection, and beautiful moments that are unique to each couple.”","type":"text"}],"content_restrictions":{"content_code":"premium"},"credits":{"by":[{"additional_properties":{"original":{"byline":"Geraldine Walsh"}},"name":"Geraldine Walsh"}]},"description":{"basic":"The key to making relationships work lies in understanding yourself, your partner, and the neurodivergent traits that shape your interactions"},"display_date":"2025-06-26T05:01:00Z","headlines":{"basic":"Neurodiversity and relationships: ‘It’s about recognising where you both struggle and where you both thrive’","native":""},"label":{"audio_project_id":{"text":"8948"}},"promo_items":{"basic":{"_id":"BAPFCJHYHBGFJCELZP55ZSSOII","auth":{"1":"5395ebac53479cdd8b568665b783038adc51769ff0210e96a36adbe02c2df225"},"type":"image","url":"https://cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/irishtimes/BAPFCJHYHBGFJCELZP55ZSSOII.jpg"}},"subtype":"default","taxonomy":{"sections":[{"name":"Your Wellness"},{"name":"Health"}]},"type":"story","website_url":"/health/your-wellness/2025/06/26/relationships-and-neurodivergence-its-about-recognising-where-you-both-struggle-and-where-you-both-thrive/","websites":{"irishtimes":{"website_section":{"_id":"/health/your-wellness","additional_properties":{"original":{}},"name":"Your Wellness"}}}},{"_id":"OZHPXBFFDRC4NLXR6NIHV6B64Y","additional_properties":{"audio_duration":259,"audio_url":"https://cdn.beyondwords.io/audio/projects/8948/podcasts/aa675c06-2c29-49f4-b7ae-22fad76011e9/versions/1750159600/media/9bbd3cd0c80a0df96c5b78542bd3b5ab_compiled.mp3"},"canonical_url":"/health/your-wellness/2025/06/25/im-in-my-mid-30s-and-split-up-with-my-long-term-boyfriend-but-now-i-think-i-still-love-him/","content_elements":[{"_id":"B3GHUQY26BBUJARC44MO5TLEUI","additional_properties":{},"content":"Question","type":"header"},{"_id":"GHIIHUGAX5EQRPLEH65JA2NZ64","additional_properties":{},"content":"I’m in my mid-30s and feeling very down. I split up with my long-term boyfriend some months ago and I can’t seem to come to terms with it. We had been going out with each other for more than three years and lived together for the last year. For at least eight months there had been a distance growing between us. There was nothing you could put your finger on, no fights or arguments, just a sense that we were not a unit any more. I am suspicious that he may have been with someone in the lead-up to him ending our relationship, but I don’t have any proof. I had stopped all physical contact, and we were essentially living together as flatmates. I think he needs to take some responsibility for this, as I need to feel that someone is very attracted to me before I can allow sex to happen.","type":"text"},{"_id":"FZBATBGFPZBYZA2KRYMPFIBP6Q","additional_properties":{},"content":"However, I now think I still love him. He moved out, and I was fine at first, but, as the weeks have gone on, I have become more and more down and sad about it. He is talking about going to Australia for a couple of years, and this might have been an adventure for both of us and I am questioning the decision to end it without any real fight. I miss him and would love to tell him that, but I don’t want to cause any upset. I now realise what a lovely person he is, but I don’t want to cause him more pain. But I’m struggling and am wondering how to move on.","type":"text"},{"_id":"ZRC5OPMAOND5JDKCO2II4WBU2I","additional_properties":{},"content":"Answer","type":"header"},{"_id":"XXUJKDMPOVB25C7VRXW76SKHGA","additional_properties":{},"content":"It sounds as though the inevitable happened – the relationship was slowly winding down for a year and there may have been a third party and there was no intimacy. This was a significant relationship in your life and so sadness and loss is not only normal, but also appropriate to the level of importance this played in your life. ","type":"text"},{"_id":"EFRFAIMTRJAEBMCHINLHLYTV2Q","additional_properties":{},"content":"You should trust that you made the best decision at the time – that is, to let the relationship end. When you made this decision, you were happy with it and had your own best interest at the centre of your plans. Now that you are feeling lonely and sad, you are questioning your choices, but it is always good to follow choices you made when in a good or strong place, as these are likely to be right for you.","type":"text"},{"_id":"FGK24BLO55FBLNZK7RTHYCLN5Q","additional_properties":{},"content":"Hindsight might not offer you the best perspective in that it can put a rose-coloured tint on the years you were together when in fact you had a long eight months when you did not want any intimacy with him, and you mistrusted that he desired only you. Our bodies can often express intelligence and yours backed away from him and this is worth remembering. Many couples get back together and repeat the same pattern as they had previously – it takes a huge continuous effort to change habits and both people would need to be very motivated to achieve this. You ask two things: whether to tell him that you are reconsidering the relationship or whether to let it go completely.","type":"text"},{"_id":"VOLZVRDHXBA5NGIGNV5Z6OBAHU","additional_properties":{},"content":"‘My husband is obsessed with exercise and sports ... it feels a bit like an affair’","type":"interstitial_link"},{"_id":"IF435KYUFNEXPDY7NHMBSPEL6Y","additional_properties":{},"content":"It is important to make a decision about which direction to go in. If you are considering asking for a second chance, you might talk to friends and family that knew you together and ask what they saw in the relationship and take their advice seriously. If they are overwhelmingly in favour of reconnecting, then you might reach out to your ex for a conversation, but both of you would need things to be significantly different if a new chance were to have a chance of success.","type":"text"},{"_id":"DMKHBMFJ7JFULPQX5ZLOQFWQSE","additional_properties":{},"content":"If you wish to move on, then you will need to accept that there is a period of grief to process as you begin to put into place all the things your life needs, even if your heart is not quite in it at the moment. For example, having a social life, mixing with friends, making sure that your work fits your interests and create some focus for your passions. It is also good to take up some kind of exercise or sport, as this really helps with the mental trauma of breaking up. ","type":"text"},{"_id":"QKKPAUXKKZEAXK4CMQAMBXWQM4","additional_properties":{},"content":"‘I’m worried: My ex-husband and I have been invited to a wedding’","type":"interstitial_link"},{"_id":"F3YCDMVSSJEI3ECZCGXPCCMGAU","additional_properties":{},"content":"There is a possibility that many of your friends are urging you to go dating or do some online flirting, and while this is a generally good idea, the chances are that you are not ready for this yet. You are grieving a lost love and a lost opportunity, and you need to give this time. You mention that you are missing the possibility of an adventure, and this might be something you could explore and put some energy into planning for your future. ","type":"text"},{"_id":"V5WZU7JKZBB5DEQUNBNBTL4ZSU","type":"list"},{"_id":"5UXTST3FBZHPNMZ3T5VJQN37BE","content":"