All in the game: Jet washing with Sean Dyche

Jet washing with Sean Dyche

Talksport caught up with Burnley gaffer Sean Dyche last week to find out how he’s been passing the time, and it turns out that he’s been putting it to exceedingly good use.

“I’m doing things I don’t get the chance to normally do,” he said. “Tidying up the garage, jet washing. I’m jet washing just about everything I can find. If it stays somewhere for too long it gets jet washed.”

His wife Jane and kids Max and Alicia are, therefore, in danger of being jetwashed themselves, but at least his home will be gleaming by the time this spell is done.

The Guardian’s Barry Glendenning professed himself to be surprised to hear how Dyche was occupying his time. He presumed he’d be “spending the lockdown spreadeagled on a chaise longue in his red silk kimono drinking endless martinis while watching reruns of The Sweeney on ITV4”.

My favourite sporting moment: I see Georgie walking, walking, walking and then gone

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There are some images that never leave you. This is one of them.

Quote of the week

"I've been busy on the tractor turning the land over. This gives me the opportunity to do something completely different." Newcastle manager Steve Bruce has taken up farming during the lockdown. If somebody doesn't make a reality series out of this, it will be an actual crime.

Number of the week

0 - That's how many games the UAE played under Ivan Jovanovic since his appointment as manager last December. His sacking last week, then, earns him the 'harshest P45 of the lockdown' award.

Hooked on mozzarella

With not a whole lot else to be doing this weather, many a footballer has been giving interviews reflecting on their careers, among them the now retired Matuzalem Francelino da Silva, the Brazilian midfielder who played with a bunch of clubs around the globe, including seven in Italy.

One of his biggest disappointments came in his early days in Italy when his second coach at Napoli, Emiliano Mondonico, dropped him more often than he played him, but Matuzalem was honest enough to admit that he could have no complaints. What was the problem? Cheese.

“Mozzarella, my God! I couldn’t help it - I ate so much that I lost my physical condition and Mondonico began to keep me on the bench. I don’t blame him, I was embarrassing.”

Best of all, though, was his excitement on joining Napoli and how eagerly he anticipated playing against Serie A's big guns. "I was overjoyed, but completely unaware of the world I was in. As soon as I arrived there, I asked coach [WALTER]Novellino: 'When do we play against Juventus and Inter?!"

To which Novellino replied: “We’re in Serie B.”

Oops.

Word of mouth

"I'm watching television series in the evening. One on Netflix, Money Heist, that is fantastic. There is another good series, When They See Us, also on Netflix. It is a story of five guys who were arrested in New York and is really interesting. And there is a new programme on Netflix, Unorthodox, it is a short series but nice." Everton's Carlo Ancelotti is just like the rest of us, Netflixed out.

"Ronaldo and Sterling look amazing as women in FaceApp - but what about Klopp and Kane?" It was when we read this headline in The Sun, our hearts went out to all those trying to drum up some football content these days. At 9.0 tonight, give them a round of applause.

"It was brutally difficult for me under Louis van Gaal. When he took over as coach, I introduced myself as Alex at the first training session. He just asked: 'Alex, who?'" Former Bayern Munich midfielder Alexander Baumjohann reminiscing about his first brush with Louis van Gaal. Poor lad.

Keano gives Crouch the glare

The exceptionally wonderful Peter Crouch popped up on BBC Radio last week and reminisced about the time he got rid of his Renault Megane and treated himself to something a bit more flash.

“I was playing for Liverpool and England, so I’m thinking, ‘I’ve arrived’, so the Megane can go for an Aston Martin. But I knew it wasn’t me. Getting in it was a struggle, and I never felt right in it.”

Maybe it was fate, then, that had, of all people, Roy Keane pull up along side him in Manchester one day.

“I had a bit of speed garage playing, the sunglasses on, window down, arm out. Then I looked at Roy and he looked at me, and you’ve seen Roy look at people in that way. It’s the smallest I’ve ever felt,” said the 6 ft 7 lad. “It was a look of sheer disgust.”

So, Crouch sold his Aston Martin that week. If it's any consolation to him, he should know that a certain player once rewarded himself with a very large red Mercedes after he joined Manchester United. Its reg plate? 'Roy 1.' And no, we're not talking about Roy Carroll here. It was when the player in question noted people were giggling at him, he got rid of it. Like Crouchie, Keane lived and learnt.