When were you closest to death?
Ian: I got kicked around in town one night in my early 20s. I remember thinking "I'm in trouble here".
Emmet: I got pushed in a pool when I was six, and tied up during an armed robbery when I was 24.
When was the last time you cried?
Ian: Every time my kid does something new, I'm gone. "Love you, Daddy," came out of her mouth the other day, so that was the last time I cried. Beat that, Kirwan.
Emmet: Eh, Braveheart? I have been emotionally stunted as most Irish males have, so like most Irish males, I don't cry.
Ian: I've never seen you cry.
Emmet: Have you not? That makes me sound like I'm really, kind of…
Ian: You are.
Emmet: Look, I've got a job to do! There's no time for crying!
Can you remember the first record you bought?
Emmet: My mam bought me Now That's What I Call Music! 4 on vinyl. The first tape I bought myself was Salt n Pepa's Greatest Hits. My first CD was Fugees, The Score.
Ian: I think the first tape I ever bought myself was Garth Brooks.
Emmet: Haha! Of course it was.
Ian: Scarlet. The first CD I bought was The Pogues' Greatest Hits.
Emmet: That's not too bad.
What is your favourite place to visit?
Emmet: New York.
Ian: Valentia Island.
What was your favourite item of clothing as a teenager?
Ian: I had some seriously questionable gear. I had a sovereign ring, a blue polo neck jumper, and a pair of white FUBU jeans.
Emmet: Pretty fly for a white guy! I had a Nike jumper. I remember I wore it to a local disco in the Spawell and thought I was the business. I met a young fella and he goes, "Oh yeah, you're the young fella with the Nike jumper". 15-year-old boys are as bad as 15-year-old girls: "You've worn that top twice."
What is your go-to dessert?
Emmet: My missus gives me stick over this. Apple crumble, or currant bread.
Ian: You're a real aul one.
Emmet: Madeira cake is my actual one.
Ian: Mine is a white chocolate cheesecake.
Emmet: You've changed.
What do you wish you studied more of in school?
Emmet: I should have done home economics. One of the lads did it, and when we'd be going into metalwork he was like, "see yiz now". We were so jealous of him. He'd be saying, "made a cake today. And I'm going to get an A+ in higher."
Ian: Go home with a bag of buns. I wish I studied history more. I cheated in my history exam.
Emmet: Did you? You know that's, like . . .
Ian: F*** it. I firmly cheated. I had two little essays folded up on a receipt.
Emmet: Wow. You'd make a good spy.
Ian: Only one of the questions came up, I still got a C.
Emmet: You cheated and you only got a C? Jesus Christ, man. Your ethics have been ever sullied for a C.
What book do you keep returning to?
Ian: Christopher Hitchens, Mortality.
Emmet: A graphic novel called It's A Good Life, If You Don't Weaken by Seth.
What was the last gift that you bought?
Emmet: I got my girlfriend Belgian waffles with salted caramel ice-cream and M&Ms. A new ice-cream shop just opened up underneath our gaff. That's a gift!
Ian: I bought matching onesies for me, my wife and our two kids. They're unreal. I got them in Lidl. We look deadly. Get a onesie, man, it's life-changing.
What film do you consistently recommend to people?
Ian: In the Name of the Father.
Emmet: Memories of Murder, a South Korean film.
What is your favourite street?
Emmet: Thomas Street, Meath Street, my favourite street to walk down is Francis Street.
Ian: Yeah, up around Guinness, places that still have an old Dublin feel. Francis Street probably for me as well, there's still loads of little boozers around there.
Emmet: I used to live beside the Liberty Belle on the corner of Francis Street.
To what do you owe a parent?
Emmet: Respect and thanks for stability and normality.
Ian: Probably a few quid. Ah, I owe an awful lot to my parents, I owe them everything. They've very supportive.
Emmet: Same here.
Dublin Oldschool starring Emmet Kirwan and Ian Lloyd Anderson is at Project Arts Centre, Dublin, from December 11th-22nd. Tickets, €18-€22 from projectartscentre.ie
