What to do when your partner has given up their fitness resolutions

Q: My partner and I made a pact to get fit and healthy and have been going to the gym three times a week, and giving each other time to go once over the weekend (while the other one of us minds the kids). But my partner has given up. The problem is I don't feel strong enough to go it alone and am on my last shred of willpower not to join him and swap the gym for the sofa and a takeaway. Why should I bother if he isn't? SB

A: Take comfort from the fact that your partner is not alone. He is joining the many who made fitness resolutions that have now crashed and burned. This is one of the reasons I don't make them: because I hate failing, and there is no reason to suggest I'd be any different from your other half.

I’ve set myself a healthy challenge of going meat free for a month but I haven’t started that month yet, and think I’ll wait until my need for comforting meaty stews is no more….this is also why I never do dry January. Not because I don’t think giving up alcohol for a month is a very good idea – I do – but never in January, or February for that matter. These months are so bleak that I need everything I’ve got to make them bearable, so wet they shall remain.

I suspect that it would make your partner feel more comfortable about his failure if you were to join him on the sofa. So, discomfit him by choosing your runners and the front door instead.

Inspire him to join you whenever you get the opportunity to come for a run or to eat the deliciously healthy meal you’ve made, but don’t make his doing what you are doing contingent upon your doing it. And for all the times he chooses the sofa over that run, or takeaway over your healthy home-made tacos, so be it. His choice. Don’t blame, don’t chide or nag, don’t even cajole. Just be your resolution. All of this will surprise, irritate and annoy him in the best and most motivating way possible.

Because the best way to influence others is through your example. You are responsible for your fitness and nobody else’s. So don’t give up on a perfectly good resolution just because your wing man has run for cover.

When he sees how all your healthy lifestyle choices are impacting your energy levels, your weight and your overall happiness, he will want a piece of the action.

And if it doesn’t work, at least you won’t have sacrificed your hard-won good health as well. Plus, you can continue to enjoy those child-free gym breaks at the weekend. And through your good example – consistently set – you are giving your kids the chance of a fitter healthier future too.

The Grit Doctor says: Don't make his failure your excuse to quit.

Sign up for one of The Irish Times' Get Running programmes (it is free!).

First, pick the programme that suits you.
- Beginner Course: This programme is an eight-week course that will take you from inactivity to being able to run 30 minutes non-stop.
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- 10km Course: This is an eight-week course designed for those who can comfortably run for 30 minutes and want to move up to the 10km mark.
Best of luck!