My daughter was 14 years of age when she was assaulted. I will never forget the day I was told: a part of me died that day and continues to do so.
My younger sister told me, with my daughter, after she had contacted her through a private Facebook message. This was a cry for help.
She was raped by our next-door neighbour who groomed and threatened her through Facebook.
Of course I was vigilant about who she was friends with; and because I knew this man, I didn’t think twice about him. [He] was 20 years old.
The night I was told, my reaction was to kill him but I had to think about my daughter and what was best for her. She begged me not to confront him so I left it until the next day. Of course his family denied it and he was told to stay away from the estate.
I didn’t tell her dad straight away as I was worried about the consequences and that’s when reality started to kick in. What had my daughter been through these past two weeks, keeping all this to herself?
The Garda was contacted and my daughter needed to be “checked” in the sexual assault unit in the Rotunda [hospital]. This was horrific as not only was she prodded and swabbed but [she was] tested for STDs and pregnancy.
A shell of herself
She was a virgin when this happened and went further into herself during this time. My daughter was a shell of herself; she thought about suicide and was starving herself; she was also self-harming.
I was put in touch with St Clare's unit through the Rotunda Hospital and the Garda.
There, her dad and I met two ladies for an assessment, which I was dreading as I really didn’t know what to expect. I really shouldn’t have worried as we were made to feel comfortable straight away.
They explained what would happen and what was expected, which was what my daughter and ourselves were going through.
This took about 45 minutes and, to be honest, before we went to this assessment, we felt like the only people in the world going through this, so in a strange sense it felt reassuring that we weren’t.
There was another assessment to follow with our daughter, and she was very nervous but we could explain what might happen and that this might help her. She was still very apprehensive after this and wasn’t sure she wanted to talk to a stranger.
My daughter was really bad at this stage, she had been hospitalised several times and couldn’t cope so we were praying that this might help her somehow, but we didn’t hold out much hope.
My daughter was assigned a male psychologist, and she was to have a one-hour session twice a week to begin with. These sessions entailed my daughter talking, doing art or just sitting with the psychologist and after several weeks I began to notice a difference.
Hurt and anger My daughter was starting to talk about her hurt and anger. She confided in the psychologist and he was able to connect with her. My daughter attended St Clare’s with the psychologist for more than 10 months, and if she didn’t have St Clare’s and the psychologist, I dread to think what might have happened.
During this time, while my daughter attended her sessions, I was offered one-to-one sessions for myself. I tried this but I didn’t want to talk as my only concern was my daughter.
I was offered group sessions with other parents/guardians and was apprehensive, but it turned out to be the best thing I have ever done. It was wonderful to meet others who were experiencing similar circumstances and [to hear] their ways of coping.
We helped each other with listening, advising, crying and even laughing. The facilitators did an amazing job by allowing us to “grieve” and start to recover. We learnt about the “justice” system, and what we might expect, but we were also advised that a lot of cases may not make it to the courts so this also allowed us to be realistic about this.
We spoke about other family members and the effects on them and [on] marriages.
One of the most important things I learned from St Clare’s was that “he has to look at himself every day in the mirror and know what he [did]”.
Overall St Clare’s, in my mind, saved my daughter’s life. It has services there that many don’t know about, like one-to-one [and] group sessions and art sessions.
And, most importantly, these wonderful staff dedicate their time to helping others. Thank you to St Clare’s from the bottom of my heart.
