In a Word... Bin

It’s not easy. Indeed it seems to get more and more difficult. So much so, I’m thinking of taking a doctorate in rubbish. Okay, I hear what you’re saying. We’ve enough of that from experts on radio and television, day in day out. But I’m not talking about that kind of rubbish.

I mean actual rubbish. There’s black bins, green bins, brown bins, red bins, yellow bins, purple bins and all those whatever-you’re-having-yourself bins. And that’s before we come to glass, where there are bins for clear glass and all kinds of coloured glass.

I think I’d better think it out again.

For a start, few of us have a kitchen big enough to have so many bins and those of us who might have would also probably need a satnav to find a way between them. It’s becoming ludicrous for the ordinary individual trying to remember what goes where and finding the time to administer each bin correctly. Which is why I think I need a PhD in rubbish.

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Beginning at the beginning, locally. My unsophisticated black “general waste bin” takes “ashes, bathroom sanitary items, dirty plastic, crisp and food packets, non CFL(?) light bulbs, old stained clothing, toothpaste tubes, tin foil, and food waste”. It could be you.

The so-called “clean, dry recycling bin” takes “newspapers, cardboard boxes, magazines, drink cans, food tins, plastic bottles and plastic containers” but NOT brown, green or clear glass, not bin bags and most certainly not food items.

As always, the devil is in the detail. What about old clothes? Or must you stain them first? Where do “dirty” plastic bottles go or “dirtied” newspapers? Must newspapers be cleaned first? Is there a dry cleaners for newspapers?

What about aerosol cans, old books, bad books, unsolicited books, used razors and (thinking ahead) useless false teeth, ancient hearing aids, cracked reading glasses and all those single socks separated from their partners some time in the last millennium?

Where in recycling heaven is the correct bin for those? And if we do get it wrong will St Peter dismiss us at the Pearly Gates with a “get thee hence to yon hotter place, for verily didst thou put waste food in the green bin”?

Bin, from Old English binne, for “basket, manger, crib”.

inaword@irishtimes.com