Everton fans’ shenanigans backfire after Southampton game

Everton, as we know, need all the help they can get these days, so a group of their supporters decided that it would be a good idea to set off fireworks outside Southampton’s Liverpool hotel on Friday night in the hope that sleep deprivation might ensure three points for the home side in Saturday’s relegation six-pointer at Goodison Park.

How did it work out? (Everton 1 Southampton 2). Not great.

The visitors were, though, kind enough to leave a very positive review of their hotel on TripAdvisor.

“We can’t say enough positive things …. we had an important business trip to attend in the city and the hotel ensured we were looked after and well-rested for our meeting, which was an extremely productive one.

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“Rooms were brilliant …. and the blackout blinds and triple glazing… oh wow! You could literally have a firework display going on outside your window and you’d never know it. Best night’s sleep we’ve ever had!

“In fact, the only rocket we noticed all weekend was the one James Ward-Prowse sent into the net in the 78th minute at Goodison. We’ll definitely be returning again.”

Boom.

QUOTE

“You couldn’t run a bath.”

Let’s just say, the banner-wielding Everton fans at Saturday’s game aren’t best pleased with the club’s owners.

Shakira gets back at Piqué

Much as we love tittle-tattle about footballers and their celebrity partners, we tend not to use this slot to share it - until (drum roll) now.

Shakira, you might have heard, split a while back from Gerard Piqué, the former Barcelona man now stepping out with a 22-year-old. So, lest you missed the lyrics from Shakira’s latest tune, here’s just one of the verses:

“You Traded In A Ferrari For A Twingo

You Traded In A Rolex For A Casio

You’re All Worked Up, Slow Down

So Much Time At The Gym

But Maybe Work Out Your Brain A Bit Too.”

We could be wrong, but we’re guessing this is the first time that the Renault Twingo has been dragged in to the break-up of a footballer and his celebrity partner. Historic.

WORD OF MOUTH

“They have 300 of those strikers in the Premier League. It must be a stunt. This really can’t be true.”

Dutch old boy Wesley Sneijder being less than complimentary about Wout Weghorst, Manchester United’s new loan signing.

“I don’t know what people expect in four weeks. I ain’t David Blaine.”

Southampton gaffer Nathan Jones after a rough start to his reign at the club - but then they beat Manchester City in the League Cup and Everton in the league, so he’s working his magic.

“I always thought Messi was better than Ronaldo - and after training with Ronaldo, I realised I was completely right.”

Cameroon striker Vincent Aboubakar - who was released by Al Nassr so they could register Ronaldo as one of their foreign players - departs with a miaow.

Job Specs of the Week

You will “work as part of the wider team to help ideate, conceive, and execute innovative and dynamic ideas”.

You will be “responsible daily for conception, production, and delivery of social content to engage and react directly with core and secondary audience on social platforms”.

You will “have proven experience within social media, creating content for social platforms and experience of character performance within performing arts training, acting, dance, music and drama”.

“When performing as the character you will be constantly in costume and be required to move about in costume during events/appearances to entertain fans whilst working in excessive heat or cold under demanding physical conditions.”

Was the last one a giveaway? Yes, Liverpool are looking for a “Mascot Executive”. The job will largely entail being an “assistant” to their mascot Mighty Red, but occasionally will require donning the furry suit yourself.

The job comes with a “competitive salary”, and if the successful candidate isn’t careful, they could find themselves lining out in Liverpool’s midfield for the rest of the season.

NUMBER: 83,500

The capacity of Stadium Australia in Sydney, the new venue for Ireland’s opening World Cup game against the hosts next summer - if it sells out, it’ll be the second highest women’s World Cup attendance of all time.