All in the Scrum: End of season awards

Heartbreak Decision of The Year Award: Josh Matavesi gets to do the honours here. He can hand the gong to Nigel Owen for noticing something was up before he ran for what would have been the winning try of the Pro12 semifinal in Thomond Park. 20 years ago before TMOs came into existence Ospreys would have beaten Munster.

The Prescient Quote of The Year Award: "Make sure you get a photo of it…you won't see it again." Matt O'Connor when he was asked to smile for a photograph on arrival to Leinster less than two years ago.

Getting the Yes Vote Out Award: Leinster and/or Matt O’Connor for swiftly, silently and efficiently bringing their coaching arrangement to a premature close last week - by mutual agreement naturally.

Picking The Wrong Battle Award: Former French Prop Laurent Bénézech condeming Irish outhalf Johnny Sexton’s return to play after concussion as “a big mistake.” Sure hadn’t the Irish outhalf only been passed fit to play by one of the top neurologists in Europe. That leads on to...

The George Hook Award for Outrageous Declarations: Johnny Sexton on Second Captains: "Props shouldn't talk about anything but scrums." So, we suppose it's over to you Mike Ross, Cian Healy, Dave Kilcoyne…

I’ve Got Double Glazing So The Kids Can’t Hear The Ice Cream Van Award: Wasps Rugby who are offering fans an annual interest of 6.5% on a bond issued by the club in the hope of raising up to £35m to pay off debts. This also wins the Magic Money award. Banks can’t even do 6.5%.

The Unfinished Business Award: Got to be Isa, Isa, Isa, Isa…Nacewa coming out of retirement when he heard the Leinster call. Let’s hope it’s not a giant prat fall.

Pedantic Plonker of the Year: ‘Leinsterfan’ trolling away in sad cyberspace #livealittlewhydon’tyou.

The Ireland Award for Counter Culture: Rugby fans - are they the only ones who can drink pints en mass on television without looking violent and threatening - the players are another thing entirely. See next award.

The Bad Timing And Illegal Handoff Award : England centre Manu Tualagi. If you must assault a police officer and we urge you not to, don't do it during a World Cup year. The Leicester centre won't be considered for England until 2016 after a recent court appearance. He is understood to have grabbed a taxi driver by the throat and kicked the vehicle's wing mirror before pushing two female police officers in the chest as they attempted to handcuff him - all completely legal in a rugby match.

The Next Season's Secret Weapon Award: It's got to be Munster's Tyler Bleyendaal. Seen against Ulster Ravens but not heard. Munster had a total lock down on the wispy fair haired South African Pimpernel. Is he in heaven? Is he in hell? That damned elusive Bleyendaal.

The Butter Wouldn't Melt in His Mouth Award: It's a toss between Joe Schmidt and Craig Gilroy, choir boys both -Ronan O'Gara won it every year as a player. But the Irish coach probably edges it because we know it would - melt that is.

The Here’s One Player Now Gimme Three Back Award: The IRFU Player Welfare system according to Matt O’Connor.

The Here’s Three Players Now Gimme One Back Award: The IRFU Player Welfare system according to Joe Schmidt.