SITUATED in the heart of the Lake District and the Cumbrian Mountains, Greengarth Rugby Football Club has one of the most idyllic settings of any sporting venue. Well, that's how it appeared until the camera panned around the view from the ground and, suddenly, there before us was a big, ugly blob dominating the landscape. Blimey, it was Sellafield.
Now don't try asking John Robson if he's ever brought a geiger counter to one of the club's home matches (or if the club's motto is `We glow in the dark') because the Greengarth president was a tad on the defensive side when asked about his club's links with Windscale, sorry, Sellafield on Sky Sports' Grass Roots Rugby programme last week.
"About 45 per cent of our current membership are Sellafield employees and about another 10 or 15 per cent have work in the area because of Sellafield - so I doubt that we'd be quite the strong club that we are if it wasn't operational," said John, curtly.
The programme focused on the great rivalry between Greengarth and their Cumbrian neighbours Ambleside and the `treacherous' 20-mile journey that the players and officials have to make through the Fells and across Hardknott Pass to fulfil the annual fixtures between the clubs.
Clearly none of these lads has ever gone for a spin - either up or down - the Corkscrew, just outside Doochary in west Donegal, because it makes the Hardknott Pass look like a state-of-the-art autobahn.
Greengarth coach Steve Edgar described their route to Ambleside as the "road from hell" (which meant we were subjected to the Chris Rea tune of a similar name for most of the feature) and he admitted that. they usually mislay one or two of their party on the way to the match.
"A few people have fallen off the back of the Land Rovers on the way, but we normally find them later on," he said and you tried to picture Hardknott Pass littered with props and hookers as the rest of their team-mates disappeared over the horizon.
Richmond and London Scottish had no such travel difficulties when they played each other at the Athletic Ground in west London, the venue they have shared since 1876.
While London Scottish have found a benefactor in the form of ex-player Tony Tiarks, they have been left far behind in the financial stakes by Richmond who have had £2.5 million ploughed into them by Ashley Levett, the club's new owner. Last year Richmond were wallowing in Division Three of the league but now the "star-studded nouveau riche", as they were described, are near the top of the second division and look destined to join the big boys next season.
The Athletic Ground was full to the brim for the meeting of the two teams last week and poor old London Scottish not only suffered a thrashing by their landlords (54-13), they also had to endure Richmond's rather peculiar way of celebrating every try they score - Gary Glitter's `Rock and Roll' blares out over the speakers.
`Things can only get better' might have been the adopted theme tune of second division club Rugby after they were at the very wrong end of a 56-5, em, defeat, by Newcastle a fortnight ago.
Thanks to Sir John Hall Newcastle, like Richmond, are in the money and they proved just a little too strong for cash-strapped Rugby when they met. Newcastle's Scottish international Doddie Weir did his best to be nice about it all. "Well, at the end of the day it's only two points," he said, politely ignoring the other 154 Rugby had conceded.
True love knew no barriers, least of all telephone bills, on Sky's Futbol Mundial last week. The programme followed Southern English schoolboy team AFC Waters on their summer tour when, much to the lads' delight, they were a big hit with the girls wherever they went.
"I think they're gorgeous, really beautiful, perfect," said one local girl who was particularly impressed by AFC Waters midfielder Stephen Webb. Stephen was impressed too but, at such a young age, was not ready to commit himself to a single relationship.
"Girls? Yeah, they're a lot of 'em. got a few phone numbers already so it's going alright," said the coy starlet. The only trouble with Stephen's budding friendships was that he and his team were actually on tour in the Amazonian region of Brazil. His folks back home are getting rid of their telephone as we speak.
On Friday Network Two's `The Grip' profiled Dublin born boxing trainer Brendan Ingle, the man hind the success of Prince Naseem Hamed. Ingle's training methods are, well, different but they seem to work.
One of his stable of boxers is Martin Renaghan from Northern Ireland who, according to Ingle, has plenty of talent but lacks confidence in thee ring. The trainer's solution to this problem was to make the boxer stand in the middle of the ring in the Sheffield gym and recite Humpty Dumpty.
"I've never seen anything like him in my life - if I did that back home I'd get a terrible slagging," said a mortified Renaghan after telling us Humpty's tale, but you strongly suspect that the next time he gets in the ring he will make Prince Naseem appear modest.
In the course of Ryle Nugent's interview with Ingle he revealed that Naseem was so small as a 10-year-old that he had to put weights in his underpants to ensure he met the four stone, 10 pound minimum weight requirement.
In time, Naz was able to remove the weights from his pants, much to his relief, but one thing he has never quite come to terms with are some of his trainer's expressions. "Hello there, is that yourself? Asking people is that yourself . . . well, who else could it be? Now that is Irish," said Naz.
