One legacy of a Catholic girlhood is you never quite forget the difference between a perfect act of contrition and an imperfect one.
A perfect act of contrition is when you are sincerely sorry for offending God. Or in secular parlance, sincerely sorry for doing wrong. Because it was wrong.
An imperfect act of contrition comes from a baser place, fear of punishment or of being found out.
Last weekend, Lorraine and Maurice McCabe were offered an apology by the Health Service Executive for the "mistake" which led to the creation of a paper trail which falsely branded him a paedophile, including opening files on his "at-risk children" while keeping him ignorant of the reasons behind the evil whispering campaign against him which went on for years.
Correction: last weekend, Lorraine and Maurice McCabe learned through media that they had been offered an apology by the HSE.
When Lorraine and Maurice McCabe finally learned of the apology, they found it contained “false information”.
There’s a poetic irony in the fact it took the so-called apology to drive the preternaturally stoic Mr McCabe and his wife to finally shout: “Stop.”
This week for the first time, they opened up about their eight-year Calvary.
They have had enough. They do not want to wait out another tribunal of inquiry to get justice. What they want is the truth. And they want it now.
Apologies can be manipulative and goading. We all know how the faux apologetic phrase, “I’m sorry if I offended you”, instead of “I’m sorry I was offensive”, can drive a normally forgiving person to fury.
The HSE apology went way beyond that. It contained the Kafkaesque sentence which spells doom to truth-seekers.
“All proper procedures were taken by the HSE.” It is no wonder the McCabes do not want to wait out another inquiry.
“We’re sorry, but it wasn’t our fault,” is what that sentence really says.
Lorraine and Maurice McCabe believe the public can have no awareness of what was done to them. That is undoubtedly true.
Motives and testimony
For example, we learned this week that at the O’Higgins Commission of Investigation, which reported only last year, there were repeated attempts to introduce the false abuse allegations in order to “discredit [Maurice’s] motives and testimony”.
But the State agencies knew of their mistake years ago, 18 months before McCabe himself knew of it. There was, as far as we know, no question of apology then.
The difference between then and now is they have been found out.
The HSE apology is a disgrace.
Apparently there are more apologies to come. But what is the point of these apologies? If the HSE’s intention was to discharge a public penitence, then they have made a right mess.
It would be better if they donned sackcloth and ashes and sat outside the Pro-Cathedral for the entire duration of Lent or of the next tribunal of inquiry. And that would not be enough.
The expression of public penitence has no meaning unless it is accompanied by a firm purpose of amendment.
Lorraine and Maurice McCabe told everyone this week how that can be done. “We are entitled to the truth today – justice can follow in its wake.”
They have had enough of the Kafkaesque nonsense about anonymity. They want to know who did this to them. The names.
The name of the person who created the report which created the files. The names of those in the State agencies who were shown these files.
The names of those in the Garda who were shown the files. The names of the gardaí who interacted with the HSE in relation to the files.
That might at least begin the process of truth. And, as the McCabes say, justice can follow in its wake.
It is a basic principle of good behaviour, outlined in catechisms – both religious and secular – that where you have harmed someone you make restitution.
And one of the greatest secular catechisms of all, the AA 12-step programme, outlines the inherent difficulties in making restitution.
It is important not to procrastinate, but equally important not to be impulsive or careless. The HSE’s apology was so careless as to compound the offences.
The treatment of Sgt Maurice McCabe – and only a fraction of it has been revealed so far – has left a psychic scar on the body politic.
Although I seriously doubt there is language to cover the lacerations of the McCabes , there has to be some move towards reconciliation.
Right now, the actions of the HSE reveal a disconnect with the human psyche and spirit, which is seriously worrying from an agency charged with the physical and mental welfare of the nation.
The road back to public trust will be a long one.
Righteous anger
Because just as apology and restitution should not be impulsive, neither should forgiveness.
Some philosophers argue that forgiveness is sometimes inappropriate: that it is in fact a form of covert anger.
For example, if Maurice McCabe forgave his detractors, there is every chance he would have to do it every single day of his life, because his righteous anger, instead of finding expression, would have been subverted.
Nobody understands the problem of apology, restitution and forgiveness better than the Germans.
Angela Merkel put it succinctly when she said this in her landmark speech to the Knesset in Jerusalem in 2009: "When something terrible happens, memories must be constantly recalled. Thoughts must become words and words become deeds." And those deeds have to become restitution.
The memory of what happened to Maurice McCabe must be constantly recalled for a long time to come.
I am glad the McCabes’ response to the imperfect act of contrition by the HSE last weekend has been one of savage indignation. Anne Harris is a journalist