Romney's cookie gaffe takes the biscuit

AMERICA:Unlike Obama, the Republican candidate fails to entertain and lacks interpersonal skills

THE US presidential campaign won’t be the same without Newt Gingrich. Not a few reporters hoped that Rick Santorum, who dropped out of the Republican race earlier this month, or Gingrich, who is scheduled to admit defeat and endorse Mitt Romney in Washington on Tuesday, would win the nomination.

A Santorum-Obama or Gingrich-Obama contest would have been so much more colourful. And the possibility that Santo or Newt might have actually won added a frisson of danger.

Where have all the fun candidates gone?

In just a few short months, we’ve lost Herman the- philandering-pizzaman Cain, Michele Bachmann and her 25 children, and Rick Perry, the coyote-shooting Texan. Santo was holier than thou while Newt was by turns vicious, maudlin, inspired and outlandish. Now we face six unrelenting months of Romney.

To liven things up, the US media may have to stop ignoring Ron Paul, the last non-Romney candidate left standing.

Americans want presidents to entertain them. Long before they elected a Hollywood movie actor, Tricky Dick Nixon said “Sock it to me!” on Laugh-In. Bill Clinton wore sunglasses when he played the saxophone on Arsenio Hall.

Gingrich entertained the country. In less than a year, he gave us a Greek cruise with Callista and the half-million dollar revolving account at Tiffany’s, followed by the mass resignation of his campaign staff. Gingrich blasphemed, calling Republican congressman Paul Ryan’s budget “right-wing social engineering” and denouncing Romney’s record at Bain as “predatory capitalism”.

Gingrich indulged in blatant conflict of interest, having accepted $1.8 million (€1.36 million) from the government mortgage agencies he criticised. He won South Carolina by ridiculing television presenters in debates.

Gingrich promised to put poor children to work as janitors, build a US colony on the moon and sell petrol for $2.50 a gallon.

After Romney carpet-bombed him with attack advertisements in Iowa, Gingrich called the former governor of Massachusetts a liar.

When news of his imminent departure was bruited on Wednesday, Gingrich told reporters, “obviously I would be a better candidate”. Now he’s negotiating terms of surrender, believed to include relief from $4.3 million in campaign debt.

Other candidates dropped out with minimum fuss, in the wake of a particularly stinging defeat. Not Gingrich, who wanted to savour his last week on the campaign trail, throwing out the first pitch at a baseball game and visiting a car-racing team and a zoo in North Carolina. Zoo visits were a staple of Gingrich’s campaign. When a penguin bit him in St Louis, it made headlines.

US president Barack Obama, too, is an entertainer. He enchanted supporters by belting out a few lines of Al Green’s Let’s Stay Together at a Harlem fundraiser in January, and by taking the mic from BB King to sing a snippet of Sweet Home Chicago at a reception in the east room of the White House in February. Digital sales of Green’s song rocketed 490 per cent after Obama’s performance.

Obama upstaged Romney’s victory speech, in which he declared himself the Republican nominee on Tuesday night, by appearing on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. “I’m President Barack Obama and I, too, want to slow-jam the news!” Obama announced, before delivering a rhythm-and-blues explanation of his policy on student loans.

Fallon asked about the secret service agents who went on the tear in Colombia. “Knuckleheads,” said Obama.

The TV host said he liked Obama’s house, to which the president replied: “It’s a rental.”

Obama’s performance was “an embarrassment”, “nutso” and “violated campaign law”, Republican commentators said.

Maybe they were jealous. Romney’s attempt to sing America the Beautiful – a few days after Obama’s rendition of Let’s Stay Together – had not been a success.

Just before the Tennessee primary, Romney recited, but did not sing, the Davy Crockett theme song: “Born on a mountaintop in Tennessee, greenest state in the land of the free, raised in the woods so he knew every tree, and he killed himself a bear when he was only three.”

Davy Crockett was on television when I was a child, in black and white.

Obama is cool, Romney is square. Ohio senator Rob Portman, who was George W Bush’s trade representative and budget director, is a Romney clone and a front-runner for the vice-presidential slot. A Romney- Portman ticket has been described as “square squared”.

Romney demonstrated his lack of interpersonal skills at a recent get-to-know-you gathering with four couples in Pittsburgh. Sharing food is part of the ritual of politics everywhere, and most politicians know instinctively not to insult it.

“I’m not sure about these cookies,” Romney said, looking at the women around the picnic table. “They don’t look like you made them. Did you make those cookies? You didn’t, did you? No. No. They came from the local 7-Eleven bakery or whatever.”

John Walsh, the owner of the Bethel Bakery, said: “This guy has no idea how beloved this institution is that provided these cookies.”

Walsh offered six free cookies for every dozen purchased.

The Obama campaign bought five dozen.