MIND MOVES:LATELY, I'VE been listening to the radio more than usual. In between prophesies of gloom and accusations of political corruption, a commercial for testosterone deficiency has kept cropping up, writes TONY BATES
It articulates very well what I imagine to be a common experience of among men hitting middle age: tiredness, weight gain and a loss of what this commercial calls a “lust for life”. It expresses a kind of physical and spiritual exhaustion that most of us either can’t or don’t dare to articulate.
When I think about this ad in a reasonable way, I see it has some merits. It reminds men who may be feeling exactly this way that they are not alone; there are many of us wandering around feeling below par and wondering if we have finally lost it. The ad also provides the comforting reassurance that if we have lost a certain spring in our step, it may not be that we have done something wrong in our life; it may not be our fault.
At a deeper level, this ad reminds us that we have bodies, and that they need care. It is all too easy to forget this fact and to regard our bodies as simply a means of transportation or as decanters for our preferred evening beverage.
They are much more than this. They are an amazing but delicate balance of hormones, enzymes and nutrients that keep us alive. The physical health of our bodies depends upon exercise, rest and nutrition, and to neglect any one of these can compromise our energy levels, sense of wellbeing and longevity. It’s important we are reminded of this from time to time.
However, there were also a number of things that troubled me about this ad. What it captures is a very human experience that has perhaps multiple causes. A mind-body state of crisis could arise from difficult social circumstances – personal debt, unemployment, loss or bereavement, or simply a moment of awakening where we realise we have lost our way and wonder whether we belong at all in this world.
To reduce any complex moment of crisis in our lives to a specific hormonal deficiency risks dishonouring what is happening and distracting ourselves from taking responsibility for what is happening in our lives.
In addition, to suggest that this experience can be simply remedied by purchasing a specific chemical compound is to risk someone feeling further demoralised if it fails to produce any change.
But if we regard our physical experiences as messengers about what is happening to us, rather than as obstacles to be overcome, surely any negative physical state deserves more thoughtful inquiry?
I am thinking of a woman I met recently who has four children. Her two older ones had gotten into trouble with the law and ended up in prison. The two younger ones were doing fine.
She had described with astonishing honesty how she had only ever attended to the “external needs” of her elder children and had never appreciated that they also had “internal needs”. She loved all of them, but she only came to appreciate the importance of what we all need emotionally after her third child was born. As a result, her relationship with her two younger children is very different.
Her admission echoed for me the way we all easily become preoccupied with the demands of our external world and neglect our relationship with our inner selves.
When we neglect our inner lives, when we stop listening to our inner voice, we become estranged from ourselves. We continue to live a life that others define as normal for us and lose touch with the unique way we need to express who we are. Over time we pay a price for such a betrayal of ourselves. Our bodies protest that something is amiss.
When I listen to the mind-body malaise so skilfully described in the ad, I think of the men who have lost faith in themselves and stopped listening to their bodies. Their minds and bodies have become aware of life passing them by; the sense of endless possibility that is an essential part of youth is giving way to an awareness of limitations. This can be a frightening experience. But it is also the moment when we can wake up to who we really are and how we want to live.
The way back to a vital and appreciative relationship with ourselves begins with careful listening and an act of deep faith in ourselves. Attending to the needs of our bodies is part of aligning ourselves with who we really are. But learning to stop and rest in our own company is an essential part of reclaiming a relationship with ourselves and paying attention to our “internal needs”. When we take time to become re-acquainted with our true selves, we will re-discover our love, if not our lust, for life.
- Tony Bates is founding director of Headstrong – The National Centre for Youth Mental health (www.headstrong.ie).