The noted biographer James Boswell said of the writer and lexicographer Samuel Johnson that he was totally fed up having met Johnson - "As it was an innings for one which he called conversation".

Do you ever feel the same after meeting someone who doesn't listen, jumps in and just keeps talking without attempting to include you?

Do you act like this sometimes with your children, or with other adults? Does it occur when you are under pressure, tired or are feeling uncomfortable? Is it a bad habit which you have allowed to develop?

Or are you a good listener? Can you put across your point of view in a confident and inclusive manner?

As our communication is so important, it is worthwhile to look at how we communicate with others in everyday life - to see how good we are and to check if we can be better. We can ask ourselves a few questions which may support us in doing this:

How good are we in communicating with our children?

How good are we in communicating with other adults?

What are our strengths in communicating?

Where are there opportunities to improve?

Are there gaps between how we would like to communicate and how we actually communicate?

What are the reasons for these?

Are we so intent on giving our messages that we forget that others, especially our children, have minds of their own, opinions of their own and can think for themselves?

As adults, in our zeal to ensure that our children understand us and receive our messages, we sometimes err on the side of doing too much of the talking - and not hearing enough of our children's thoughts, feelings and points of view. We sometimes forget what it is like to be a youngster or teenager and try to impose our adult, experienced views on their developing, inexperienced minds.

We often fail to recognise their strongly held opinions, their need to be listened to and heard and their need to have their opinions and views acknowledged. There's nothing very clever about trying to force our opinions and views on our children, in the expectation that they will listen and follow our advice. Some chance!

Think of what you were like at their age when someone - even a special parent, teacher or relative - tried to impose opinions and views on you.

Did you really do what they wanted you to do?

Did you sometimes pretend to accept what was being said and then go and do your own thing?

Did you sometimes resent having to accept what you did not understand or agree with?

Well, it is important to remember that our children are very likely to have the same reactions as we had.

Many of us remember the teacher, parent or relative who talked to us, listened to us and teased out subjects with us. We knew what their views and deeply held convictions and values were, but they did not try to force them on us. We were not judged; we were allowed to think for ourselves and make up our own minds.

The additional bonus was that doors were left open for us to bring up subjects again and again, engage in friendly open discussion (even argument), be listened to and understood. It was good, respectful communication.

Lately, a friend of mine who is a good listener - and the kind of person who is able to be clearly understood herself, makes people feel comfortable and says the right thing at the right time - outlined her views on effective communication for me:

"We listen and hear with our ears, our eyes and our heart, and we speak to people, not at them or over them. What we say has to come from the heart and we must engage the other person as an equal, a valued and valuable person. "We listen to hear and understand what is being said directly, and also what messages we can pick up about how the person is feeling. We pick up messages in lots of ways. We can hear an awful lot from a shrug of the shoulders, a clenched fist, pursed lips, open smiling eyes, a relaxed face or a simple shake of the head.

"We cannot force our opinions or information on resisting people; it doesn't work for them or for us. Thoughtful, respectful listening and thoughtful, respectful responding are the keys to good, clear, sensitive communication.

"It is all about people respectfully listening and speaking to each other to hear, to understand and to acknowledge one another, but not necessarily to agree."

There is plenty of food for thought in what she said. I think it is a useful yardstick for looking at our own abilities to communicate, and the ways we relate to our children and our peers.