When your child won't to go to school because of the actions of a teacher, do something, writes Tony Humphreys

Over the years, parents have brought children to me who were complaining of abdominal pain, nausea and, sometimes, vomiting. Some of these children would also have temper tantrums and even bang their heads off doors. These symptoms usually occurred in the morning.

Medical examination by family doctors revealed no medical reasons for the abdominal pains. Attempts to force these children to go to school resulted in an escalation of these distressing symptoms.

When children are asked why they don't want to go to school, several answers emerge - not wanting to leave their mother, being bullied by other children, "hating" school, being shouted at by the teacher. The latter reason is common and one child described it well to his mother when she enquired: "Why don't you want to go to school?" "'Cos teacher shouts," he said. The mother replied that she also shouted. Wonderfully, the child responded: "But Mom, you shout gently".

We have come to some level of maturity regarding the physical and sexual abuse of children, but the emotional hurting of children, which is far more frequent, intense and enduring is not an issue to which we yet give serious consideration. Nonetheless, the effects of the emotional hurting of children are now well documented and abdominal pain and aggressively acting out are some of its manifestations.

There is no intention to blame or criticise teachers. Indeed, when a teacher manifests the frequent, intense and enduring behaviour of shouting in class, that teacher needs help and support to resolve the difficulties underlying her difficult behaviour. Teachers I have helped to deal with shouting in class have expressed underlying fears of not being in control, of criticism, of inadequacy and of how others see them.

It is a truism that the child's symptoms and the teacher's emotional hurting of children are cries for help. What is a parent to do when confronted with such a situation?

Many parents find it very threatening to approach the class teacher about the shouting in the classroom. They are afraid of the teacher becoming defensive and the possibility that their child may be victimised or ignored in class. The temptation for some parents is to do nothing, dilute what the child is saying or move the child to another school. The latter response needs to be a last resort.

When parents do not stand up for their child's right to physical, sexual, emotional, intellectual and social safety, the child will feel hugely let down. The danger is that the child will then stop telling his parent about threats to his welfare.

When a parent does not feel secure enough to confront a teacher on the threatening behaviour, it is crucial she seeks support from the child's father or a good friend. Go to the teacher with the understanding that the he or she is not deliberately threatening the child, but, nonetheless, the shouting needs to stop.

The teacher also needs understanding. Understanding a behaviour is not a means of diluting or excusing the behaviour. Understanding involves recognising the effects of the threatening behaviour on the children and a determination that this threat has to be removed. It also involves looking at what causes the teacher to act in this way. The school must provide the help needed for this teacher, including professional help, when required.

Where no change occurs, the positive pursuance of the matter is vital. This may involve one or more of several actions: talking to the school principal, school manager, school inspector, solicitor. Even if you have chosen to move your child to another school, it is important for the other children and for the teacher to pursue the matter to resolution.

Dr Tony Humphreys is a consultant clinical psychologist