Thousands of Irish students will start applying for their J1 visa this month, preparing for three months of American freedom and fun, peppered with hard work and life lessons. For parents getting ready to see their kids off at the airport, a counsellor specialising in personal relationships has this advice:
1. Have a hands off approach to the preparation process.
From finding a job and filling out visa application forms, to booking flights and accommodation, “they’re doing a lot of organising for themselves,” says Bernadette Ryan, a therapist with Relationships Ireland. “It’s a good adult experience for them.”
2. But offer guidance where they might need it.
Sit down and have a chat to them about big financial commitments like rental deposits and realistic budgeting, adds Ms Ryan, whose own daughter spent her J1 summer in California two years ago. “Don’t stand over them, but be practical.”
3. If you do have any valid concerns, have a chat with their friends.
“What is the stress about? You know your own kids,” Ms Ryan says. “If there’s good reason to be concerned, talk to their friend and just let them know about any medical conditions and legitimate concerns, to put in place something so your child can cope if something does happen.”
Remember, that with the new pre-placement policy, kids are getting off their flights, going to jobs and earning money straight away, adds Mr Doorley, who has been organising J1 travel for over 20 years. All employers are heavily vetted by the sponsorship organisations and the US Government before they can employ Irish students, whether your kid finds them on their own, or through their visa sponsor.
If they do get into any sort of pickle, know that the US Department of State, which oversees the J1 programme, has recently increased their communication and monitoring channels. As well as a 24-hour hotline number for emergencies, and email addresses, they also conduct site visits in person, said Keri Lowry, the US State Department’s deputy assistant secretary for private exchanges.
4. Keep in touch.
From her own experience with her daughter, Ms Ryan says it is important keep contact. But let them lead any communication by saying things like “if you want to talk...,” she advises. While they aren’t legally required to talk to you, it is government regulation their sponsorship organisation keeps an eye on them and makes contact every month.
5. If you can, see them off at the airport.
“The kids are going to be feeling a bit apprehensive as well, so it’s nice to know they’re supported,” Ms Ryan says. “Not smothered, but supported.”
6. Be glad for them, they will be back, so enjoy the time and space to yourselves.
“It’s a big letting go... It can be, for many young people, the first time they’re setting out into the world on their own,” she adds. “It’s ok to feel that wedge. Allow yourselves to feel those feelings, and then move on!”
