Parenting is not a complex science, according to Paranoid Parenting, a new book by Dr Frank Furedi, rather it is a normal and natural undertaking that involves a special relationship. Ironically, going against his own thesis, the English sociologist advises parents not to listen to the so-called experts in human behaviour, but "trust their own instincts". Has Dr Furedi ever witnessed a parent totally distraught, not knowing how to cope with a child who is out of control or refuses to come out of his room? The "instinct" is often to take the child by the scruff of the neck and shake him into conformity - hardly a desirable parenting response. I agree that parenting involves a special relationship. However, as adults will know, intimate relationships are complex in nature, not only because of the personal complexes each individual brings to the relationship but also because of the competing needs of the parties to the relationship.

I am confused by Dr Furedi's use of the words "instincts", because instincts in human beings have long been eroded by socialisation. Maybe what was meant was "intuition" and there is no more reliable barometer for parents to check out the wisdom of their parenting. The difficulty is that, while children are highly intuitive, in contrast, adults have, largely, lost touch with their intuitive voice.

Intuition is perception beyond sensory perception. It is that informational system which operates without data from the physical senses. It is part of your unconscious mind and it is there to guide you to pursue objectives that maximise your development in this world.

Psychology has been slow to recognise intuition, except as a curiosity. Therefore, it has not tended to recognise the knowledge that is obtained through intuition and, therefore, this knowledge is not processed by the intellect.

Intuition is revealed in the hunches about danger, the "gut" reaction, being drawn to a certain book, person or work. It is the sense that an idea that has never been tried before might work. It is the sudden answer to a question, the light that comes out of the confusion of darkness. The guidance that parents or others receive through intuitive processes is as essential for their own and children's wellbeing and growth as sunshine and clean air. Of course it is true that answers that come through your intuitive process can often challenge what you would prefer to do. Also, the truth that comes through intuitive processes can be contaminated with a person's own fears. Here is a place to apply your intellect. In other words, you might think you are receiving a clear intuition, but if you examine it rationally, if you take it apart, you will be able to see that you are responding to an insecurity. For example, intuitively, parents would believe that they need to hold their children's happiness at heart, but the way they interpret that truth often reveals insecurities. Slapping children "for their own good" reveals a contaminated intuition. Closer scrutiny of the "truth" can show a need for parents to control children, so that they would not be seen by others to be poor at parenting. Sometimes beatings can be a subconscious ploy by parents to ensure their children achieve academically or artistically or athletically or otherwise - so that they can live their lives through their children's achievements. It is in this sense that intuition can be blocked or contaminated by the emotional baggage that adults carry into their caring roles. We can learn to develop and employ intuition, to ask for guidance and receive it. Just as there are ways to discipline the mind - such as logical thinking, studying, repetition, brainstorming - so, too, there are ways to engage and discipline the intuition. Resolving internal and external emotional conflicts by the end of each day is vital. Be sure you finish, or, at least, make decisions on emotionally unfinished business, by not going to bed in anger, sadness or bitterness and not taking on the emotional issues of others. People can certainly do with support but only individuals themselves can resolve their own insecurities. The words of a Chinese sage, "there is nothing more powerful and creative than emptiness - from which men shrink", encapsulate the recommendation for emotional tranquility. Deep relaxation and meditational practices help this process. A cleansing nutritional programme also aids intuition. A third requirement is the willingness to hear what your intuition says and act accordingly. Many people, for deep fear reasons, do not wish to hear what can be heard so easily, and so they deny that they hear anything.

A final recommendation is to develop the realisation that there is a reason for all that happens in our lives and that reason, at its core, is always compassionate and good. This is an essential belief that needs to be in place in order to activate and cultivate intuition. Dr Tony Humphreys is a consultant clinical psychologist and author of The Power of `Negative' Thinking.