Getting to grips with separation anxiety

It's early enough in the school year, that some parents will still be struggling to cope with their children's anxiety at being…

It's early enough in the school year, that some parents will still be struggling to cope with their children's anxiety at being separated from them for hours at a time.

The term "separation anxiety" was devised by Mary Ainsworth, an American researcher who worked closely with the famous John Bowlby on "attachment".

His premise was that children, in order to feel secure, need a secure attachment to a primary care-giver. Ainsworth drew an important distinction between a healthy, "secure" attachment and an anxious, "resistant" attachment. A child who benefits from "secure" attachment welcomes contact with the parent and uses this as a secure base from which to explore the world. But in an anxious/resistant attachment, the child feels uncertain about whether or not the parent will be available when needed. This child has already had experiences which have taught the child that the parent may be lost. This leads children to be clingy and anxious. When children are excessively anxious, either at the separation from parents or the threat of separation from parents, this is known as separation anxiety.

Everybody knows that the separation anxiety on the "first day at school" is often due more to the parent's upset than it is to the child's own anxiety.

READ MORE

Many children respond to their parent's emotional feelings by themselves becoming emotional and tearful. This is why teachers will so often report that as soon as the parent left the child stopped crying and "settled". It is also why, when on an airplane, you often hear children crying at take-off. They're simply picking up on their parent's anxieties.