IN RECENT YEARS, I have discussed bullying with people of very different ages - from junior infants to adults. There is a remarkable consistency of opinion.

The descriptions of bullying given by young people are much more graphic than the theoretical definitions. One 16 year old boy described bullying as "the breaking down of a person". When he was asked to elaborate, he said that a person can be compared to an onion: when you are bullied, they start on the outer layer and strip that away, and so on to the second and third - all the time, they are stripping away your self esteem, your self confidence and any feelings of goodness you have about yourself. When they are finished, there is only an empty skin left behind.

One girl of 15, who had been bullied for two years, said that when someone is bullied it is like "a snail being crushed".

People who get picked on are frequently described as "weak" or seeming weak to others". The word "softies" was often used, especially in primary schools. In terms of personality they are often shy and quiet - in the sense that they, do not react to slagging; they do not complain; they are "easy prey".

From all these discussions it emerges clearly that jealousy is one of the main causes of bullying. In some classes a person may be labelled the "swot" or "brain box". Often a group is involved in the attempt to bring this person down a peg or two, but behind every group there is almost always a ringleader who manipulates and controls and has the power to turn the group. Belonging to the group which has power, the "in group", assumes great significance.

One 14 year old girl put it like this: "You try to steer clear of the bullies. But when you are in the group you don't have a say in it if they are bullying. You don't want to be bullied, so you try to act like a bully or you will be kicked out."

Being obviously different, be it in appearance, personality or background, does not necessarily mean a person will be bullied. It is how a person reacts to negative treatment that determines the outcome in the longer term.

There were surprisingly few references to the actual physique of bullies. While some students did say that the bullies are bigger, more often "bigger" was used to describe how the bullies projected themselves. Expressions such as "full of themselves", "swelled heads", "love themselves" are "acting big" were used to describe them. Undoubtedly, some bullies do intimidate others by using physical force especially among boys, but the bulk of them are more concerned with creating an aura of dominance by projecting themselves as "big" personalities.

It comes across that many bullies are "loudmouths", insensitive to the feelings of others. Ostensibly, a lot of their behaviour may be to get a laugh, but there is nearly always, the underlying motive of increasing their status within the group.

Bullies are experts at identifying an appropriate victim. Ideally, they need someone who can be repeatedly abused to highlight their power - the "best victim" is one who absorbs repeated harassment without drawing attention to the bully.

It is a question of using the repertoire of name calling, jeering, slagging, exclusion, intimidation (both mental and physical) to find the most appropriate target. Different bullies use different methods. The bully is a performer who needs an audience to give approval; he or she behaves in a deliberate way to create situations where they are in control both of the victim and of the other members of the group.

It is difficult to confront the bully. "Nobody likes or wants bullies around," a 16 year old girl said, "but very seldom is the time when someone plucks up enough courage to tell the bullies to stop."

Many students would consider name calling to be a form of bullying if it is constantly directed at the same person and if it is used to deliberately hurt or insult that person. "I have been called names because of how I looked," one girl said. "I used to think `Why me?' I thought there was something wrong with me. I just live with the idea of being called names."

Even more widespread is what students call "slagging". This doesn't refer to the good hearted banter which is part of normal social interchange.

They focus on two aspects of this behaviour: the first is similar to name calling, where very personal remarks are aimed again and again at the same individual about appearance, clothes or personal hygiene. The second kind sees comments about family members - mother, father, brother, sister - used in a hurtful way. These comments usually have a sexual connotation. However, among boys, especially, remarks related to sexual orientation represent a far too common form of verbal bullying. It can start very simply - a boy in second year whose voice hasn't broken yet, a boy who "looks effeminate" or someone unskilled at sport can become the target.

If such a person gets upset, the name can quickly follow - Sheila, Rosie. The name sticks and for years that person is called Sheila by everyone in his class. The effect is devastating. One such boy said: "I was so distressed, traumatised, hurt that I was rendered literally speechless about what was happening to me. It felt like someone was beating down on my heart with a hammer."

When asked about possible solutions to bullying, students gave very different answers. Quite a number said they did not know; others were resigned to the fact that bullying is always going to be there - "It's human nature, isn't it?"

Many victims of bullying were reluctant to report it to anyone because of the age old fear of being seen as a "rat", "snitch", "grass", "wimp", "weed", "snake". The fear, that bullying could get worse, especially outside school, was a major impediment to them reporting it.

It is clear that bullying does not stop at the school gates. It can occur on school buses, on your local street, at youth clubs and sports' clubs. The challenge is to give young people confidence to resist bullying behaviour by using the collective power of the group.