Radio Review Bernice HarrisonOn Tuesday, Con Murphy did what any sensible presenter would do in the circumstances, he waved the white flag and let Clare McKeon win (Marian Finucane, RTÉ Radio 1, daily).
The former broadcaster was one of four guests talking about plastic surgery in Ireland - which, apparently. is all the rage. Murphy, sitting in for Finucane, could only hope to get a couple of words in edgeways once McKeon got into her stride, lobbing questions all around and generally running the show.
The guests were divided along predictable lines - the plastic surgery entrepreneur with an impressive-sounding double-barrelled name, though with a disconcerting Jack Charlton accent; the feminist academic, to slip expressions such as "socio-cultural" into the conversation; the gabby social diarist to spill the beans on the nipped and tucked in Dublin's social set (but who didn't), and beauty salon owner McKeon, who kept the programme rollicking along in her own "roysh roysh, talk to me" style.
Half-way through the handbagging, Murphy, who usually presents sports programmes and who did a good job in the difficult Finucane slot, must have wondered if he was in some sort of nightmarish broadcasting sin bin.
A candidate for another type of sin bin throughout his career has been Irish comedian Dave Allen, who was celebrated in Sit Down, Stand Up (BBC Radio 4, Tuesday). He was, said one contributor, "the original alternative comedian, 40 years before that phrase was even thought of". And his style of anecdotal, highly irreverent humour peppered with expletives, raised such a furore that questions were asked in the House of Commons about his BBC programme.
"He was the foremost stand-up comedian of the last 40 years," said presenter Paul Jackson, and fans will remember him in his 1970s TV show perched on a high stool, chain smoking, a glass of whiskey in his hand.
"He didn't do jokes," said Doonican, who gave Allen his break in 1965. "He told stories." A favourite target was the Catholic church, and his sketches, usually featuring Allen dressed as a priest or even the Pope, caused the sort of controversy that Tommy Tiernan could only dream of.
His antipathy towards the Church was, he said, fuelled by his Irish Catholic boyhood where he was educated by nuns, "the Gestapo in drag". Asked by Parkinson if he was religious, he replied in true Allen fashion, "no, Atheist, thank God."
I feel I was sold a pup with The Spend (RTÉ Radio 1, Saturday). I was under the impression that it was the station's new consumer programme but instead it's a pick 'n' mix of items that don't seem to have anything in common other than they involve money in some tangential way.
Take the first, and very long, item last week. A man brimming with indignation telephoned in to complain that he and seven companions were travelling through Northern Ireland to go shooting grouse in Scotland when their guns were confiscated by the PSNI because they didn't have the correct documentation.
"Well, boo hoo and hurray for those Scottish birdies," said presenter Kay Sheehy - well, no, she didn't, actually. Instead Sheehy was wildly indignant on the hunter's behalf and seemed to share his view that the fault lay not with his own inability to get the right documentation but somehow with the ferry company which hadn't told him what paperwork he might need.
The man from Stena was patience personified, pointing out that it's up to gun owners to keep up with the legislation and that the man was, after all, travelling though a different jurisdiction where the issue of guns is a bit, well, sensitive.
"There are too many Irish men losing their guns in Northern Ireland," herrumphed the decommissioned hunter, sounding like the sort of person who can sort out his own problems without getting a radio programme to do it for him. It all made this listener, at least, long for the sort of consumer programme which takes up the cudgel on behalf of downtrodden consumers with real problems.
RTÉ Radio 1 is serving up a daily slice of Cork life on Cork Moments. This minute-long soundbite is broadcast just after Pat Kenny signs off, but I can't make head or tail of it. So far they've ranged from a children's entertainer talking about her work to an American guy talking about Corkonians' tendency to jaywalk (which, incidentally, somebody obviously thought was so fantastic it was broadcast twice).
They're fine as far as they go but what's the point? If the slot is supposed to be a celebration of Cork as European Capital of Culture, why not focus on that - or is it the station's attempt to fight back against the inexorable rise of local radio? Either way, the longer these moments go on, the more they're going to sound like the Barry's tea ads - but without the charm.