A whale of a diet

It goes without saying that the link between food and public health has a long history - probably going back to the Garden of Eden, when Eve first prodded Adam in the belly and said: "You should eat more fruit." But this last millennium in particular seems to have been just one food scare after another. Here are some of the big ones.

1000 AD: Leif Eriksson discovers "America". Actually, he has landed in Greenland, but local pranksters hold up "Welcome to America" signs, and he falls for it. His "triumphant" return to Norway causes concern about the dangers of eating whale meat.

1108: In an age of generally bad diet, Louis (VI) The Fat succeeds Philip I as King of France. At first, he continues his father's policy of resisting the English in Normandy, but eventually decides: "One or two won't kill me". Soon he just can't stop himself.

1346: Bubonic plague sees rats taken off menus across Europe, but in an effort to shore up public confidence, Edward III insists "British rodent-meat is safe".

1429: Following the Relief of Orleans, locals vow: "never again". Henceforth roughage is an important part of the French diet.

1521: Martin Luther's rebellion against Rome results in the Diet of Worms. Even many Lutherans think he's gone too far this time.

1690: Alcohol is seriously questioned after the Battle of the Boyne. It emerges that during a break in hostilities, King James supplied his army with beer, whereas King William sent out for soft drinks only (this later becomes famous as the "Orange Order").

c. 1750: The 4th Earl of Sandwich devises the snack form which will take his name, to sustain him during his round-the-clock gambling sprees. Sandwich-eating is subsequently blamed for the loss of the American colonies, until history shows it was the earl's corrupt practices as head of the admiralty that fatally weakened the navy. His treachery is these days commemorated by the polite English practice of cutting the edges off bread and serving miserable little triangular sandwiches that don't fill you.

1793: Cheese plays a tragic if indirect part in the execution of Louis XVI: recaptured two years before when, fleeing Paris, he stopped at a tavern in Varennes to eat some Brie. For a period, all dairy products are disdained in France's new order (which is usually "ham and lettuce").

1815: The Battle of Waterloo, later interpreted by French historian J.F. Gautier as a clash between wine and beer ("The red fury of wine repeatedly washed in vain against the immovable wall of the sons of beer") finally puts paid to Ireland's chances of being colonised by a country that can cook. The loss will become even more apparent in the late 20th century when it emerges that red wine drinkers have a lower incidence of heart disease.

c.1900: As if the Famine wasn't bad enough, British scientists start work on what will one day become powdered mash.

1920s: Meanwhile Russian scientists invent tinned Spam and leak the technology to the West, hoping to sap public morale.

1970s: Concern about the hygiene of small condiment holders causes New York restaurants to employ outsized pepper-mills, which have to be carried from table-to-table by specially trained restaurant personnel. The custom spreads to Europe during the 1980s and 1990s, but nobody there knows why.

1977: With the Common Agricultural Policy and public health laws combining to kill off the farmhouse cheese industry, there is the beginnings of a backlash in France; especially after a leaked government report suggests the country's Eurovision entry stinks worse than anything the cheese producers can come up with.

1981: In an interview in the Observer, Barbara Cartland causes mild controversy with her theory that the right food "directs sexual energy into the parts that matter". Critics dismiss her views, pointing out that there's never any food in her books anyway.

1985: There is panic among wine drinkers after anti-freeze is found in Austrian produce. The scare does not affect pre-boom Ireland, where pure anti-freeze would be an improvement on the range of wines available.

1989: Uncannily predicting the BSE crisis, as well as commenting on the geographic disparities in the incidence of AIDS, US comic Jackie Mason calls England "the only country where the food is more dangerous than the sex".

1991: President Bush throws up in the Japanese prime minister's lap during a State dinner, causing a temporary sushi scare. Sushi recovers, but the American public decides the president doesn't have the stomach for another term.

1999: There are food scares in Belgium involving everything from poultry to chocolate. To the despair of many worldwide, however, another millennium ends without any bad news about Brussels Sprouts.