‘Ireland makes it harder to leave. I have tried to leave, but it showed me home is not only what surrounds you’

Ayesha Syeddah was confronted with the possibility of moving to Ireland in 2015 when the company she worked for in London announced it was closing its UK headquarters and would operate from Dublin.

Syeddah took a two-day trip to Dublin hoping it would help her to make a decision on her future plans.

“I remember going to an Italian restaurant just off Grafton Street and sitting there for a meal by myself contemplating whether I was going to make the move. All of a sudden, everybody around me slowly but surely began to ask me why I was eating alone, and what my story was,” she says.

“Before you knew it, I had a full-blown conversation with these people around me. I said I was contemplating moving to Dublin and everybody took it upon themselves to convince me to move to Ireland. I was like ‘You know what? Yeah.’ What an absolute treat of an evening. That was the day when I said I would move.”

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I was at a place in London where I was really lonely. It felt like everyone was my friend but no-one was my friend

Syeddah, who was born in Pakistan, has had the “privilege” to live in many different places around the world. She and her family moved to Switzerland in 1999 when she was nine, a decision catalysed by “the volatile situation in Pakistan”.

“Security was a big concern for my dad and he said the situation here is getting quite tricky and we weren’t feeling safe as a family. Our house had also been burgled so it was a case that we had to do something about this,” she says.

“Because my father was lucky enough to be working for the government, he started to look for opportunities to work abroad. He tirelessly started working towards a way he could get posted to Switzerland. That’s what he did. That’s where my transitional years happened as a diplomat’s kid going to an international school.”

Geneva, she says, is an incredibly multicultural city, and she grew up surrounded by people from all walks of life, all faiths and all cultures. This, she believes, has shaped her worldview in a way that is quite different from other western countries.

“After Switzerland, I went to university in the US, I went to Spain for a while, I did my master’s in London, and I started seeing that the way I was raised was different,” she says.

“I was raised around diversity and it was quite common for me to be able to speak different languages and understand different cultures. Going to a place like the US, UK and Spain, showed me the differences in the way I was raised.”

Moving at a young age unlocked a “travel bug” within her, which she has later come to realise was her way of trying to find her home.

“It was a case of as soon as I started to settle in, I was disrupted. There was always a feeling in the back of my mind that this was going to be home, but it was going to be temporary. That accentuated a loneliness that I didn’t think I addressed because I was constantly moving,” she adds.

“I was at a place in London where I was really lonely. It felt like everyone was my friend but no one was my friend. I had a competitive master’s programme where friends became competitors in the job market. I had friends but I didn’t have a community.”

When she moved to Ireland in January 2015, she had a coat that, she says, was not designed for Irish winters.

“I said I would give it six months. I moved over. I started to unravel. I had one suitcase and not enough clothes. I remember crying the first few months to my mom on the phone, saying I was sick, I knew nobody here because I had no family, I was only here for work.”

Eventually, things changed, and she grew to love Ireland and the unfamiliarity it brought. She particularly felt this during the centenary celebrations in 2016, when she was constantly seeking more information from her Irish colleagues about the history of the country.

“I remember absorbing all of this information and walking the streets of Dublin and the way the celebrations took over. I went to O’Donoghues [bar] on Baggot Street after and hearing the beautiful chorus of people singing. I realised this was where I meant to be, there was learning here,” she says.

“I kind of incubated by myself for the first few years. Growing up in the Muslim faith, pubs weren’t a standard where we grew up. So I was wondering: should I be here or should I not? But I realised that is where community happens. That is where the community was built.”

Ireland makes it harder to leave. I have tried to leave, but it showed me home is not only what surrounds you, but also what’s within

Despite that difference between Pakistani culture and Irish culture, Syeddah says there are many parallels between the two countries too.

“When it comes to the independence day, I started doing my own research, and realising the loss of life when the partition happened between Pakistan and India, when we got independence from the British, nobody talks about the atrocities or the loss of life,” she says.

“Ireland is about 50 years ahead of Pakistan. Religion plays such a massive part. We are still in a religious chokehold in Pakistan. I can see how Ireland has fought that. I know it’s very controversial but it’s exactly like that in Pakistan, and the youth is trying to change the dynamic.”

Mostly, though, her love for Ireland is built on it enabling her to be herself. She has since quit her corporate job, and moved back into the world of theatre, which, she says, has “always brought me joy”.

She has a show as part of the Dublin Fringe Festival, called Passports: A Conversation with Ayesha Syeddah and Friends, which discusses belonging, migration and displacement.

“I realised in my journey I was looking for home, but I never stayed anywhere long enough to determine if that could be home. Ireland makes it harder to leave. I have tried to leave, but it showed me home is not only what surrounds you, but also what’s within.”

“To be in a space, and a place like Ireland, that has given me the love and support to come back to myself has been so beautiful. The courage I got to follow that, I can only, only attribute to Ireland.”

We would like to hear from people who have moved to Ireland in the recent past. To get involved, email newtotheparish@irishtimes.com or tweet @newtotheparish