Every bank-holiday Monday, regardless of the weather, chronic levels of "The Fear" can be felt sweeping across the country, as those who’ve over-indulged at the weekend struggle to deal with the grind of their daily existence. Adding to the existential despair, of course, is the fact that victims of The Fear (a blameless bunch) have been snapped out of their regular routine, and there is a gnawing, underlying terror that when they arrive in the office (shudder) tomorrow (moan), they will have completely forgotten how to do their job (pitched wailing and gnashing of teeth).
But fear not: this too shall pass, and to help you get over this speed wobble in life’s journey, here is our guide to handling The Fear. It might also give you a few ideas for things to do on this bank holiday Monday, even if you’re not a reprobate.
First things first, deal with that hangover. Most people swear by the hair of the dog, and almost the entire medical community is against them. But if you must indulge yourself, what better way than a Bloody Mary? In Dublin, Super Miss Sue has come up with its Red Snapper – a gin Bloody Mary with a fresh oyster in the shell balanced on top of a lowball glass. Outstanding work. Over in Galway, Biteclub might just make the best cocktails in the country and its Bloody Mary is a knockout.
There is no greater cure for what ails you than a dip in the sea. When that refreshingly cool water knocks the blinking breath out of you, any lingering hangovers will be a distant memory. Ireland has hundreds of sea swimming spots to choose from. Brendan MacEvilly and Michael O'Reilly are travelling the coast of Ireland, from Dublin to Donegal, in search of the best places to swim. Their aim is to pick 40 or so locations after two months of research for a book. So far they've selected 10 spots and you can read them here.
If you are planning on heading Brittas Bay direction, though, do keep in mind that this seems to be the mythical weekend when all of Dublin’s schoolkids decamp to light bonfires and try to impress girls by playing Wonderwall and Stay on the guitar. Badly.
If you're more of a land lubber, get a bracing walk into you to blow out the cobwebs. (How do they get in there?) For a county-by-county guide to great Irish walks, click here. http://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/travel/walks. My own personal favourite starts in Crone car park and gives the most magnificent view over Powerscourt Waterfall. Hip flasks and walking sticks are optional.
Sometimes, when you're tired and emotional, you have to deploy the big guns – and no artillery comes heavier than the mammy dinner. Buttery roast spuds, silky soft gravy, meat that swoons from the bone – there is no greater way to show your love than a plateful of grub.
If, however, the mother is on strike, or not within striking distance, then there are any amount of restaurants willing to fill the void with the sort of hearty meal that the ma will nod in approval of. Green 19 on Dublin's Camden Street does corned beef, cabbage and mash for €10. O'Neill's on Suffolk Street is known as the carvery king, and with good reason. The Woollen Mills on Lower Ormond Quay does a cracking dish of bacon ribs and cabbage.
At the other end of the scale, and if you’re feeling flush, the Ballymaloe House roast is rumoured to be a thing of bountiful beauty. Tony’s Bistro in Cork will give you a knockout plate of stew. And in Galway, Ard Bia can’t decide if it’s doing its brunch or regular menu on Monday, but the chances of getting a bad meal there are equivalent to a frosty day in hell. Go on, treat yourself. You deserve/need it.
Sometimes, of course, we must all bow to the inevitable and accept that our fate is going to involve a couch, pyjamas and talking in hushed tones to the nearest dial-a-dinner. Humans has just finished on Channel 4, and you can watch the whole brilliant series on Channel 4's website. Netflix has just dropped its latest home-grown series, Wet Hot American Summer. Its dumb humour is probably bang on the level of culture you're capable of dealing with right now.
Electric wha? Body and where? No, if it's a proper festival you're looking for today, nothing comes within an ass's roar of the Tinahealy Agricultural Show. Cattle, sheep and dog shows; crafts, quilts and gardens; horses, hens and donkeys; live music, sheaf tossing, and a bar. There's a parent-and-child lookalike competition. There's the most glamorous granny. And at 3pm, this year's Tinahealy Show Queen will be crowned. All of which just goes to prove that it's true what they say in Wicklow: there's no show like a Tinahealy show.
