I have a pair of extremely comfortable hiking sandals. They're ugly and made by a brand more synonymous with boots and backpacks and climbing Everest. They rely heavily on Velcro and are truly an ugly shape. I often break them out when I'm going on holiday and anticipating climbing some mild inclines or a rocky seashore. They make me feel intrepid and middle-aged. On a recent trip to the west of Ireland, my Complete Aisling writing partner and regular holiday partner Sarah caught sight of said sandals and was struck dumb with revulsion. She didn't need to say anything, her look of disgust spoke volumes.
“They’re my holiday sandals”, I protested weakly. “Are you on holiday from style?” she ricocheted back.
Now, to the untrained ear it might sound like she was being a little harsh. Surely she should be supportive of my supportive sandal? However, because I’ve been raised in a rich culture of affectionate and quick-witted slagging I knew that she was right and accepted her constructive criticism with the love with which it was intended. The sandals are an absolute holy show. I have accepted that with good grace and am thankful to Sarah for reminding me that as a people we are never, ever allowed to get away with anything.
Slagging is a national communal bonding pastime in this country. When done right, it is brutal, hilarious and ultimately harmless. Recently a tweet went viral which read "Props to anyone who tries to be fashionable in Ireland. I wore a red beret once in Waterford and someone called me Super Mario" (@janky_jane). The tweet generated replies from around the country about comments and appraisals shouted on streets, from car windows, at bars and in people's own homes. Limerick's Blindboy Boatclub tweeted about a guy "whose nickname is 'Shtyle' because he wore a leather jacket in the pub once about 15 years ago". There are multiple people called "Pothole" up and down Ireland. Why? Obviously because you'd swerve to avoid them. If you've ever worn a scarf when no scarf was called for or dared to sport any kind of ostentatious hat then you've nobody to blame but yourself if you've earned an appropriately biting nickname. Ditto sunglasses, an eye-catching boot or anything at all that makes you look like an American.
Chilli Con Kearney
Nicknames can be situational and environmental too. If there are multiple families with the same surname in a locality then it might be necessary to assign them signifiers like the Nissan Murphys (they drive a Qashqai), the Miami Murphys (Marian Murphy went to Miami once in the 1990s) and Murphys of the Tip (they live beside the tip). If the Murphys are all extensions of the same family then they might be known as the Long Micks and the Maggies (the former have a tall grandad called Mick and the latter's matriarch is Maggie). Know a man called Con Kearney? Well then you probably know his son "Chilli".
We overdo a lot of things here. Insisting that every overseas celebrity who visits must pull a pint and hold a hurl and go on the Late Late and tell us how much they love Ireland and how they probably had a great-great-great-great granny from Tullamore, for one. Allowing ourselves to be duped into Santa "experiences" that turn out to be scams and have to be ripped apart on Joe Duffy is another. But laughing at ourselves is where we truly shine.
Showered with affection
When the Irish government accidentally legalised ecstasy, ketamine and magic mushrooms for a day we were giddy with excitement and jokes. #Yokegate trended on Twitter for days and drew international attention. When actor Matt LeBlanc showed up at the Friends reunion looking like a Roscommon uncle at a Communion afters we turned it into a meme that went worldwide. It was difficult for some outside Ireland to comprehend that we weren't being nasty to LeBlanc, rather he was being showered with affection. We were "only having him on". Similarly, when Dustin the Turkey slagged former One Direction member Niall Horan during RTÉ's Comic Relief show in 2020, international fans failed to grasp that "I didn't realise people from Mullingar had no teeth" was a term of endearment from Dustin to Horan. They were up in arms about how the turkey had "disrespected" their idol not realising that to be slagged by Dustin is one of the greatest honours an Irish person can hope to receive.
We have a long history of storytelling, of finding humour in darkness and being quick enough to slag without offence. There’s a thin line between humour and cruelty and finding and staying on the right side of the line is something the Irish are fairly adept at. We also absolutely love to blow our own trumpets and think of ourselves as the wits of the world, so it’s lucky we’ve developed a proficiency at it.
So will I be wearing my sandals the next time I go on holidays? Absolutely. Will I deserve the slagging? One hundred per cent.