My workplace is opening up. I’ll have to mingle again, but how?
Returning to any kind of socialising can feel weird. The pandemic means not only that we are out of practice but also that “stranger danger” has been drummed into us. Re-entry anxiety is real. Psychologists recommend dipping back in slowly, gradually exposing yourself to any anxiety triggers to the point where you can live with them. Start with small meet-ups. Employers organising mix-and-mingle events, take note.
I’m so out of practice
Everyone else is too. Some of the old rules still apply – a smile and open body language will go a long way, says Orla McAuliffe, chief executive of the Professional Training Centre. But keep your hands to yourself. “Shaking hands is a no-no. Be mindful of what the other person is comfortable doing, whether it’s an elbow bump or a ‘Hello’,” says McAuliffe. Indeed, this awkward penguin dance can break the ice nicely.
Whether it’s a work thing or a social do, a little bit of prep can allay awkwardness. “There’s nothing worse than going into a room and forgetting everyone’s name,” says McAuliffe. “If you can get a list of who’s going, that’s really helpful.” If you’ve met before, refresh your memory of their interests.
What if I forget a name?
Own up to it from the off, says McAuliffe. “If you haven’t seen somebody in a long time, or you’ve only met them once or twice, just say ‘I’m sorry, I know we’ve met before, I’ve just forgotten your name.’ Otherwise someone else is going to come along and you will have to introduce them and things will get worse.” (If it’s Áine from accounts, who you really should know by now, then perhaps ride it out. That’s if you ever want your expenses signed off again.)
But I’ve nothing to talk about
With social skills blunted from a year of talking to the cat, having nothing to say, or indeed oversharing, is a distinct possibility. “Is that actually me talking..? Why am I asking the CFO if he saw Bridgerton..? Am I really telling him about getting our dog neutered?” Practice, says McAuliffe. Get used to talking out loud again and rehearse appropriate topics.
Make an effort
If you’ve gone a bit feral over the past 18 months, it might be time to smarten up. “Zoom dressing” – kempt on top, bottoms optional – can be hard to pull off at an in-person event. Dressing smartly will add to your confidence, says McAuliffe.
Wearing shoes is another skill to relearn. Feet made wide and yeti-like by 18 months of freedom will need extra accommodation. Don’t wait until the last minute to try your trotters in hard soles again.
Áine is boring me now ...
Get you. You would have killed to have Áine talking benefit in kind at you last February. Want to talk to someone else now, do you? Well, you can’t. “Generally, you wouldn’t break a conversation if it’s just one on one. You wouldn’t leave someone on their own,” says McAuliffe. “It can be difficult to move on, but if a third person comes along you can do the introductions and use that as your exit.”
Try to find common ground. You could say, “Tim, this is Áine. She’s just back from holidays at the subtropical swimming paradise of Center Parcs in Longford. Áine, this is Tim. He’s booked a trip to Roswell, New Mexico, for New Year’s.” Make sure the two of them have a certain amount of conversation going before you leave them. And, just like that, you’re mingling again.
