The modern wedding present: what to buy and what to avoid

Now that we have marriage equality, is it okay (yet) to say marriage is out-dated? I don’t mean the legalities, rights and protections it brings: but the things that go along with it. I’m all for a brilliant party, and wouldn’t begrudge a loving couple their dream holiday, but what about the white wedding dress, the giving away of the bride, and most of all, what about the wedding presents?

In the distant past, by which I mean a generation ago, wedding presents made sense. You were helping a couple setting up home to get started, with essentials including toasters, best china, candlesticks and carving knives. Who needs any of this stuff now, when most couples have been living together for ages already?

I remember being quite shocked to discover that large stores which offer wedding lists will also let the couple swap items for vouchers later. So that pretty dotty bowl or epic chopping board you’re happily imagining your friends using for the rest of their lives, could well have been parlayed into just about anything else.

One couple I know decided to spread the love, and on their wedding invitation said they had everything they needed and would prefer donations to charity. “If you do want to give us a present,” they added, “that’s fine too.” It was a risky strategy and it didn’t pay off – for anyone. They got just one charitable donation, a small forest of candlesticks, and an enormous gaudy samovar.

So what do you give the couple who has everything? Money towards the honeymoon or a new car? – it adds up pretty quickly. It’s unromantic but usually well received.

You could add imagination: try a case of wine from the year of the wedding, buy en primeur (ie before the wine has been bottled) with any of the major wine merchants; a piece of Irish craft or design from the couple’s home county (search makers by area at dccoi.ie); or commission a portrait of their house (from €441 at paintfor.me).

On the other hand, the Daily Mail reported that 82 per cent of newly-weds admitted to selling their wedding gifts on eBay, so maybe the best present is either money, or something that can be easily, and lucratively sold on afterwards – or regifted when the next wedding comes around.