That’s Men: Built with love and care, destroyed by cynicism

‘Sit in any room in any building and it is fairly certain that it was built by men. If the room and building are warm, accommodating and comfortable it is that way because it was built with care by men. This care includes accuracy, persistence, commitment, determination, ability, strength and skill.”

So says a statement on the Facebook page of the Waterford-based Men’s Development Network, which was founded in 1997.

The network argues that work done with care for those who ultimately use the results of that work “is an expression of love”.

“Not many builders know this,” it says. “Not many people ever consider this. But to build carefully and well is an expression of love for other human beings.

“The careful inclusion of damp-proof materials, insulation, double glazing and heating systems, along with floor coverings and surface finishes to make sure we are warm, safe, sheltered and healthy, and doing this well and aesthetically so that we enjoy it and appreciate the beauty of it, indicate how men care for people even when they don’t know the end user.”

They go on to apply the same principle to “farmers and food, fishermen, binmen, road sweepers, sewer workers, soldiers and the men in An Garda Síochána along with many other men . . .”

I like the idea that beneath all the money-grubbing that goes on, the carrying out of work with care and skill can be celebrated as an expression of human connection. It’s an aspect of work that has a huge effect on quality of life.

To have that opportunity removed is one of the curses of unemployment and hurts many of the people in the dole queues to the core. The same, in some cases, could be said of an unwanted retirement.

The network is funded by various Government departments and State agencies. Currently it is promoting the White Ribbon campaign against violence against women. You’ll find them on Facebook under “The Men’s Development Network”. It’s worth a read.

Julien Blanc

By the time you read this, the list of countries from which so-called pickup artist Julien Blanc has been banned has probably grown. His suggestion that a man could “score” a woman by forcing her head towards his crotch rightly got him kicked out of Australia.

That he promotes a disgraceful attitude to women has been well covered in the media. What struck me when watching one of his videos is that Blanc is a delusional as well as a dangerous gobshite.

The ploy that got him banned would be likely to lead to a police cell or an emergency department, and rightly so in both cases. But I doubt whether Blanc has ever used his own techniques in real life. If he has, I doubt if he has ever enjoyed the remotest success.

For example, Julien talks about tweeting sexist insults about women; including the women he claims to be with. So far as I can understand his thinking, women are supposed to look at this and go, “Oh, if this guy can insult women he must have lots of women, so I must go to bed with him at once.”

And then there’s walking up to a woman in a nightclub and asking, “Do you think you can handle me?” This is supposed to lead to bed; a very lonely one, I would suggest, with only Blanc in it.

Another gem is the one where he talks a woman into leaving the nightclub for another venue, and then stops and says, “You know what? Let’s not do that. Let’s go to my place and chill out.” Blanc, you’re going to have to walk a lot of women out of the nightclub before that one works.

It struck me at first that the only women who would fall for Julien’s techniques were women who had gone out looking for sex. But you know what? Once subjected to the Blanc charm, these women, I think, would rapidly cool down and decide instead to go home for a nice cup of tea, alone. What a plonker.

Padraig O'Morain is a counsellor accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. His latest book is Mindfulness on the Go. His mindfulness newsletter is free by email. pomorain@yahoo.com