Irish, undocumented and gay, I worry about my rights in the new United States

I’m Irish, I’m married to an American man and I’m undocumented.

I have been in the United States for 10 years, and it is my home. I'm sorting out my status. Because of my marriage I expected it to change in the past year. But, over the past month and under President Donald Trump, the immigration and customs enforcement agency, at the department of homeland security, has started to seek out and deport undocumented people. It's now clear that people can be deported for minor misdemeanours. And there is a lot of worry among the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community about our rights.

I lived in Dublin until I was about 27, when I moved to London to study photography. One summer I came over on a tourist visa, the next year on a J1. I met a man, started dating him and went back to finish my degree before returning to the United States on a one-year work visa. I didn’t intend to stay forever. I just wanted to give the relationship a chance. Same-sex marriage wasn’t legal here then, and we considered coming to Ireland, where we could have entered a civil partnership.

When the year ran out I realised that I didn’t want to go back. My sponsorship fell through, and I wavered between two worlds: should I stay or should I go?

I decided to stay. Eventually, photography turned into a career. As it’s one that can be hard to get established in I couldn’t just walk away.

I met the man who is now my husband almost three years ago. We started dating and moved in together about a year back, and we got married here in the US. For me to get status we need to prove that we live together and that we are financially tied. We have to show photographs of us together with other people, and have five or 10 letters stating that we are a couple. Luckily, my partner has now entered an income bracket that allows him to sponsor me for a visa.

My story is different from others. As I came here on a J1 visa I was allowed to get a social-security number and a bank account. This has made me safer. If I’m honest, I’m also safer because I’m white and less likely to be stopped and questioned. Institutionalised racism means that people of colour have a harder time.

Nonetheless, there have been frightening moments. Once I was stopped by a policeman on my cycle home, and I thought they might deport me, although I now know that undocumented immigrants were not deported then for misdemeanours. This has now changed. I’ve taken internal flights, and there’s always a risk – now growing – that you could be pulled aside, detained and deported at the airport.

My family understand why I would have to stay

The hardest part is not being able to visit my family in Ireland, because if I leave I won’t be allowed back into the country for 10 years. Luckily, my family are able to come over every year or two, and they’re in good health, but the day could come when somebody gets sick and I face the choice of seeing them for the last time or staying here. I have spoken to my family, and they understand why I would have to stay.

Turmoil

I hope my status will be sorted out soon, but the new political climate has unleashed turmoil. Will Trump and the Republicans target the same-sex partners of US citizens? My lawyer says they don’t know. Will it affect my status? It probably won’t, and changes could take a few years to implement, but if people are being barred entry on the basis of religion it’s not a stretch to think that LGBT people could be targeted next.

Vice-President Mike Pence has consistently opposed LGBT rights, and Trump was going to rescind LGBT protections until his daughter and son-in-law stepped in. Protections for trans people have already been significantly weakened. It is all so volatile, and nobody knows what could happen. There is a lot of fear, but people who were previously apolitical are mobilised, and a movement is afoot to reclaim politics from the fringe. The worry is ever present, but we still have hope.

On his St Patrick's Day visit to the United States Enda Kenny has an opportunity to be among the first world leaders to talk face to face with Trump, but he shouldn't legitimise this administration's rhetoric of hate. Perhaps visit, but leave the shamrock at home.

Kenny should make a stand for what I believe most Irish people stand for, and that is compassion – something Trump has a lot to learn about.

In conversation with Peter McGuire. Full names are with the editor.