Education

Leaving Cert student diary: ‘Entering the hall this morning, I thought my legs would turn to jelly’

Our Leaving Cert diarist initially felt overwhelmed but calmed himself down to take on English paper one

Ratzinger Monteiro (19), a Leaving Cert candidate at Stepaside Educate Together Secondary School. Photograph: Fran Veale

Ratzinger Monteiro
Wed Jun 5 2024 - 18:25

The past week has been surreal and emotional. Last week we had our graduation ceremony. It was a celebration of the last six years, and a chance for us to say goodbye.

I’ve been thinking a lot since then about how grateful I am to my school, my teachers, my classmates and my family for all their support over the past few years.

What’s next? Of course, you expect to go on to university, but life happens, and the truth is that none of us really know what is coming next.

With all our classes over for weeks now, it’s been strange not having a schedule. We are so used to being in school, starting and finishing at a certain time, and having specific, regular lessons.

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I have used these few weeks to get a lot of study in, and I have learned how important it is to have a break, or take a walk, instead of ploughing through revision. I’ve been getting out every day at around 4 or 5pm. It is not just a chance to enjoy the good weather and experience a bit of nature; it has also refreshed me and made me feel ready for round two of that day’s learning.

It has been a stressful time, particularly because the Junior Cycle exams were cancelled in 2021, due to Covid-19 – so today was not just the first day of the exams, but the first State exam we have ever sat.

Entering the hall this morning, I thought my legs would turn to jelly. But then I saw all my classmates and friends around me, and I thought: I’ve put the work in, I’ve got this.

I opened the paper and scanned it. Initially, nothing made sense and I felt a little overwhelmed, but then I calmed myself down and, bit by bit, read through English paper one.

I answered a comprehension question on family connections and the natural world. I tackled a diary entry question, because I felt that it suited my writing style.

I also wrote a personal essay reflecting on aspects of life that I find puzzling. A lot of things in life are puzzling! I wrote about death and how it can come when we least expect it, how we can find love when we least expect it, and how we are expected, at the age of 18 or 19, to make major life choices such as what college course to do.

There’s still five more subjects to go, but I am grateful for the big gap between my second-to-last and last exam.

Then, beyond these exams, I hope to visit family abroad. I hope to get a job and some disposable income. And I hope to take a breath: this is such a strange, in-between time, with so much uncertainty as to what is next – and that is both beautiful and terrifying.

Ratzinger Monteiro is a Leaving Cert candidate at Stepaside Educate Together Secondary School

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