Would you tell friends and family they can’t hold your newborn? Should you?

Who gets to hold the baby? When a newborn is brought into a family, there is an expectation that everyone will get a turn to hold and cuddle the precious bundle who has just made their way into the world. It’s daunting for new parents who are learning the ropes and will do anything to keep their baby safe.

Pharmacist Sheena Mitchell, a mum-of-three, took to the airwaves recently with her WonderCare Podcast to warn new parents that handing the baby around should not be done. “A new baby’s immune system is too immature to fight disease,” says Mitchell, “which means that they can get sick very quickly. This is in stark contrast to a growing toddler for whom some level of exposure to pathogens will actually help to develop their immunity, allowing their system to create antibodies to fight infection. Small babies are simply not capable of doing this.”

Mitchell says this is why babies do not get their first vaccines until they are two months old. “Their little bodies just aren’t able for them before that. And like with any vaccine, but particularly so for babies, it will be at least another two weeks after their first injections before they have some level of protection. This is why I recommend that parents limit the exposure of their babies under three months of age from close contact with others.”

This means building boundaries with friends and family and sticking to them, with one important aspect to consider alongside no holding the baby, no kissing the baby. “Since most viral and bacterial infections are passed through contact or water droplets present in the air, anyone touching, kissing, or even breathing near your tiny baby should be completely healthy and practice good hand hygiene,” says Mitchell. “The infectious pathogens are also present in airborne droplets from an infected person’s coughs and sneezes.”

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In a recent episode of her podcast, Mitchell chatted with Louise Wills, mum of baby Eibhlín who sadly died at 12 days old from neonatal herpes which is a caused by the herpes simplex virus. This virus causes cold sores and other blisters in adults and are easily passed on. For a young baby, whose immune system is not developed yet, herpes can be serious. “It was surreal,” Louise said. “How did we go from a baby who was stronger than me, to a baby that was lying cold in my arms? We were still only telling people she was born. A week later, we were told she had herpes. We had so many questions and no answers.”

The last thing anyone wants to do is offend their family, in-laws, or friends in any way

There is a worry that parents are not overly aware of how important it is to limit a baby’s contact with adults in the first few months. Louise and John channelled their grief and sadness into an awareness campaign, encouraging parents to be aware of the risks of the herpes virus and protecting their newborn. “What really struck me was the lack of awareness of how a virus that could be carried by a person who was completely asymptomatic or mildly unwell, could be potentially deadly to a vulnerable newborn baby,” says Mitchell. “New parents are usually sleep deprived, overwhelmed and often anxious as to whether they are doing a good enough job taking care of their baby. The last thing they need is to be second-guessing themselves as to whether they are making the right decisions or questioning their gut instinct.”

And yet, despite knowing we should limit contact, politely asking friends and family to not visit or hold the baby are difficult conversations to have. However, setting boundaries around your new baby and feeling comfortable to create a new bubble for you and your newborn is vital.

“As a nation, we are largely a bunch of people pleasers,” says Mitchell, “particularly when it comes to our family and friends. We like to share in each other’s joy and sorrow with a kind word and a shared pot of tea. Taught to respect our elders, the idea of setting boundaries around close contact with a new baby is very difficult for new parents, especially as it is such a happy time for a family to welcome new life. The last thing anyone wants to do is offend their family, in-laws, or friends in any way.”

Mitchell recommends setting boundaries while you are pregnant, so that when the baby comes along there will be no surprises as to when friends and family will be welcome to share in the excitement of a new baby. “The easiest way to do this is to agree what you are comfortable with when it comes to close contact and visitors to your home with your partner, and do so before you have your baby,” says Mitchell. “Then, start communicating this with all of the relevant people while you are still pregnant. This will make it much easier to reiterate your wishes after baby arrives, and you are less likely to be called out on for not passing your baby around or guilted into doing so through emotional pressure.”

There is not enough emphasis on the importance of keeping a baby safe and protected from infection in the first three months of their life

The risks continue with friends and family who smoke or vape, with the advice being that friends or family who smoke should not hold the baby either. “New parents have the right to be cautious about who holds their baby in order to protect their little one’s health,” says Mitchell, “While it might seem obvious to admiring visitors that someone who has been feeling unwell or is at the tail end of a cold should not be in close contact with your baby, the idea of holding back from a smoker might be trickier. This is because once the tobacco product has been extinguished or a vaping device has been turned off, there is something called third-hand smoke to be wary of.”

Third-hand smoke is the residual harmful chemicals from products that settles on a person’s hair, clothes, and skin. “While the chemicals found in vape smoke are different from cigarettes,” says Mitchell, “they are equally dangerous including known carcinogens. E-cigarettes also contain metals such as lead, nickel, and arsenic, which are very harmful to the body.”

Mitchell advises that the safest solution for a child is for smokers of tobacco and e-cigarettes to use these products outside the home. “To further ensure that these toxins are not transferred to your baby, I would recommend that parents ask a smoker to wait for 30 minutes after smoking before holding a baby, making sure they wash their hands first,” she adds.

There is not enough emphasis on the importance of keeping a baby safe and protected from infection in the first three months of their life. Mitchell recommends that the issue of safety be highlighted in prenatal classes.