‘Take 1 hospital dinner, give it a makeover’: An Irish patient takes on HSE food

“Take 1 hospital dinner, give it a makeover with a couple of my own tiny additions. Hey presto, a proper meal,” reads the tweet. “It’s really not that hard to improve #HospitalFood. Does anyone in @HSELive want to see change?”

It was posted by Diane Masterson, who is a patient in a hospital in Dublin. Instead of chocolate and soft drinks, she has been asking visitors to bring her fresh vegetables, which she uses to transform the meals she is served, and to add nutrition and variety.

The 34-year-old, who has been in the hospital for eight weeks, recently began uploading images of the meals she was given, and the improvements she made to them, on social media. The transformations are remarkable—after beginning life by fulfilling all the cliches of terrible hospital food, they now look like meals that most of us would be delighted to eat.

“Tonight’s #HospitalFood glow up is a completely inauthentic Shredded Beef Satay Salad,” reads one of her tweets.

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In another Masterson writes: “Post procedure, kitchen had nothing but a dry chicken fillet left. Fixed by tossing in chargrilled red pepper relish + chilli oil, added it to my own wholemeal bap, salad, jalepenos + roasted peppers. Patients shouldn’t have to worry about undernourishment.”

In her next tweet she says: “Overcooked, dry hospital roast beef & sad salad, transformed into colourful Beef & Cashew Sweet Chilli Noodles. No scurvy for me today.”

“We eat with our eyes first,” she writes in another Twitter post. “#HospitalFood transformed. Baked potato roughly chopped & given flavour with basil pesto & mayo, add greens, sun-dried tomatoes from a jar, tinned sweetcorn, scallions & some sliced fresh veg for colour & texture”.

Visitors are not allowed to enter the hospital, so Masterson has been meeting them outside, to take delivery of the vegetables and salads. As she is able to leave the hospital for short periods, she has also been walking to nearby supermarkets to buy food. She is unable to wash the produce, so has been buying organic, plastic-wrapped vegetables and salads and using them straight from the packaging.

Having been a long-stay patient in the past, Masterson knew what was ahead of her, and prepared for her admission by putting together a collection of spices, condiments and sauces, which she stores in her semi-private room. “I’ve been mixing salad dressings in tablet containers,” she says.

Her hospital larder supplies have included peanut butter, pesto, tinned fish, roasted red peppers, tinned chickpeas and mixed beans, and sun-dried tomatoes. “Jars of feta in chilli oil keep well, and small amounts of Parmesan are okay, wrapped and stored.”

For lunch today she has ordered a baked potato and chicken goujons, which she aims to elevate with cottage cheese and Chimac Sriracha Caramel sauce.

Masterson’s medical team have suggested she use the hospital shop and cafe to buy additional food. “I bought a roll from the cafe with ham, egg mayo and red onion. It was very small and it cost €7. A 500ml protein milk from the hospital shop is €2.40—it’s €1.25 in Tesco.”

Her alternative, better-value approach certainly seems to be getting some mouthwatering results.