Nature lovers will be unimpressed by the Connacht Telegraph's editorial line, which can be paraphrased in two words: eat seals. They're a delicacy in Japan, apparently. The Telegraph couldn't tell us what seal meat tastes like, although it did report that fishermen were using them for target practice. "While animal rights campaigners can protest and lobby for the protection of seals, whose numbers have reached uncontrollable proportions, it is of little comfort to the country's 3,500 full-time and 4,500 part-time fishermen. They see firsthand the destruction that seals are ravaging on prime stocks, eating their own weight in fish every day.
"Particularly vulnerable are prized salmon. They are gobbled from the nets as fishermen draw them in. If the seal consumed the full salmon it would be one thing. But no, they just devour the most tender portion leaving the remainder of the destroyed fish for the distraught fishermen . . .
"Fishermen take every opportunity of disposing of seals if they come within rifle range. And who could blame them?"
Mayo county councillor Brian Golden is demanding a culling operation. Erris-based councillor Tim Quinn thinks that Army marksmen should be recruited to do the job. "If matters were handled in a humane way there is no reason why seals could not be processed for the table," said the newspaper.
Unbelievable as it may sound, the Impartial Reporter has found evidence of global warming in Ireland this summer. "My brother-in-law, John, was out in a boat off Portnoo in Donegal and saw something which may well have been attributable to it," wrote H.J.N. on the editorial page. "He spotted a huge fish, just below the surface of the water, with which he had been familiar when he was working in St Lucia in the West Indies. This fish was almost round, with a diameter roughly twice the size of a dustbin lid . . . a Sunfish!"
As the fish lay basking near the surface, it "showed a large, soft, brown eye, like that of a cow, which watched those in the boat lugubriously. John shouted `Pass the gaff!' but, sensing the impending danger, the fish turned and flapped its way to the safety of deeper waters," said H.J.N., who went on to produce further evidence; the Mediterranean little egret has set up home in Cork, where there are 23 nesting pairs this summer.
Now that Ireland is "one of the premier tax havens in all of Europe", wealthy American "wrinklies" could soon be flocking to Co Longford, according to the US magazine, International Living. The Longford Leader said the magazine ranked Ireland among the top five retirement destinations in the world and singled out Co Longford as "a realistic and affordable option for US citizens wanting to retire to somewhere special", said the Leader. Ireland was ranked fourth behind Mexico, Ecuador and Honduras - which clearly have something which Ireland can never offer, arthritis-relieving heat.
Along with tax breaks for retirees, Ireland has the attraction of "inexpensive real estate", which means "you don't need megabucks to buy into Ireland's dazzling greenery or laid-back lifestyle . . . You can still find fixer-uppers for $12,000 in the Border counties and in the midland counties, Longford, Leitrim and Roscommon," said the magazine.
Longford auctioneer Paddy Quinn said that the advent of email had Americans browsing through listings of Irish property, which was driving up prices even of "fixer-uppers". "A case in point is an isolated, derelict cottage on little more than the site and that will sell for in excess of £15,000," he said.
There was a time, commented the Leader, when the ruins of old derelict houses were simply used to brick up fences but even these are now seen as being marketable. The soon to be ratified Rural Tax Incentive Scheme will be a further attraction for retirees to settle in the midlands. Beautiful, rich and man-hungry New York women may soon descend on Co Kerry in search of 12 lucky men, the "bachelor farmers" selected by a classy US calendar as monthly pin-ups. Since the young Kerry women have decamped for urban areas - as shown by Tralee sociologist Father Gearoid O Donnchadha - the single men of Kerry have found a more appreciative market.
The Kerryman said that the calendar, Bachelor Farmers of Ireland: A Celebration of Rural Traditions, showcases "the rugged, natural beauty of both the men and their land" in photographs by Christy Clendennen. The February bachelor, Tom Cahill (89) of Kilcummin, declares: "I'm always looking for a fresh woman, but I don't want any more young children." The calendar was published by two Irish-Americans based in New York, Patricia Cahill Jones, director of media relations at the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, and Jennifer Lucas, of Newsweek magazine. Patricia has a grandfather in Kilcummin and Jennifer has traced her roots back to her great-great grandparents, Domnick and Hanora Sharkey.
