It’s lonely at the top. The burden of responsibility, complexity of leadership and the speed of decision-making weighs heavily on chief executives. Although little research exists on this topic, a small recent Canadian survey of 106 chief executives (46 of whom were interviewed in depth) found that 25 per cent reported frequent loneliness and 55 per cent had experience of moderate yet significant periods of loneliness.
You’d think the skills that help people ascend and excel at work – strong social bonds, political acumen and quick intelligence – would mean they feel less alone, but it doesn’t. They’re just as human and needy as we are.
This week I spoke to top leaders in Ireland about their advice to fellow executives on how to ward off loneliness in leadership.
When are loneliness levels the highest? Perhaps unsurprisingly it’s during periods of organisational upheaval: financial issues; regulatory or supply chain changes; political and economic crises; lay-offs; reputational issues; and during natural or man-made disasters. Decisions need to be well informed and made quickly. Despite the backing they may feel from their senior executive team, board, shareholders and others, the buck ultimately stops with them. That’s not easy.
READ MORE
Chief executives can listen and consult all they want, but final decisions – both the popular and the unwelcome – generally fall to them alone. Sometimes they can share the reasons and reasoning behind the decision, but confidentiality and market sensitivity mean they may be unable to disclose information to even their closest associates. They are also keenly aware of the impact their decisions have on others’ careers and finances.
One leader who has worked in both the public and private sector told me: “It can be lonely because you feel the pressure of responsibility, but ultimately, that responsibility is part of the job.”
Thankfully there are ways for chief executives and senior management teams to relieve that burden.
“There are two primary strategies for alleviating loneliness among CEOs: self-oriented strategies, which focus on looking after your emotional wellbeing; and network-orientated strategies, which help build support from your team. So be kind to yourself and encourage your team to do the same so they have the energy to support you,” states the research by Prof Alaric Bourgoin of HEC Montreal and Saouré Kouamé of the University of Ottawa
Build a trusted tribe
Leadership is not a solitary task, despite the prevalence of the outdated “great man” model, and leaders do not need to know all the answers. That’s a good thing, as effective modern leadership involves an appreciation of the collective intelligence of the team. Good leaders know how to ask great questions and to listen to everyone attentively.
Building a culture where your leadership team can disagree with you and each other is important
— Multi-sector leader
“One of the easiest ways for a leader to fail is to forget that her power is limited in isolation and nearly endless if amplified throughout the collective intelligence and resources of the community,” says John Coleman, author of Harvard Business Review’s Guide to Crafting Your Purpose.
Too often, leaders think it is their job alone to research and map out solutions. Then they just expect others to follow along blindly. That’s a way of thinking that belongs in the rubbish bin of history.
You are not burdening others, or failing as a leader, by asking them what they think or how they might go about solving a particular problem. Projects tend to have better outcomes when they’re shared and solved collectively. Why hesitate to use all the intelligence and experience available to you in your team?
Leaders need to rely on their boards, their executive teams and their staff, and to remember to build networks of leaders outside their industry too. Chief executives who intentionally build these connections and seek out support are more likely to be more energised and focused. There’s no doubt that when leaders put themselves out there, help suddenly appears and complex problems are more easily solved.
Chief executives need to find and build a trusted tribe. Look for people outside the formal leadership team who have the respect, influence and ability to move things forward in line with company strategy. They must be willing to be honest with you and to challenge your thinking. Make sure they’re a diverse group, including strategists and operational experts who can work to help you clear obstacles.
“I have found it helpful having board members or other CEOs with whom I can have a less formal, yet still relatively private discussion, in addition to being able to consult with the team,” one multi-sector leader told me.
[ Ireland fined €1.54m for delay in writing EU work-life balance directive into lawOpens in new window ]
The journey is certainly more exciting when you’re sharing it with people along the way. “Building a culture where your leadership team can disagree with you and each other is important (the principle of healthy discussion being that you can ‘disagree without being disagreeable’), as well as being happy to build on each other’s ideas,” she said.
It’s also important to stay connected to all levels of the organisation. A technology leader told me, “Through insisting on one-to-ones with people, I manage to sustain a sense of connection and togetherness.”
Take time back
When everyone wants your time, self-care and periods away from the pressures of work are essential. One veteran retail leader told me to “ruthlessly protect your calendar”.
You need time blocked out for thinking, not just doing. Look at your week and track how much of the time is spent leading as against responding. Ensure you have regular time – hours, not minutes – for strategy and focused work so you don’t get lost in constant meetings, requests and emails.
The best leaders are self-aware leaders. They know who they are, both good and bad, and use that knowledge to effectively lead themselves and their team. If you’re terrible at blocking out time for strategy, analysing the finances in detail or developing talking points for the board, admit it and get someone in to help teach you these skills or to do it for you. There’s no shame in that.
When delegating work or sharing your work challenges, don’t think of it as just dumping the work on someone else: use it as a way for them to develop new skills and ways of thinking.
[ Can we just have one day when no one mentions AI?Opens in new window ]
You are more than just a leader of the business. It’s important to have a life outside of work that sustains and fulfils you. The tech leader says she feels less lonely when she connects to her feelings through music, through the words of her team and through her own spoken word.
“I find the moments to re-anchor and reconnect through live gigs when possible,” she said. She also keeps a percentage of her salary aside for a career coach and therapists “so I think out loud and don’t leave things unsaid, no matter how hard”.
“Having a private life – family, hobbies, time out – is good. You can feel ‘on’ 100 per cent of the time, but that’s not necessarily healthy in the long run, so time to detach when possible is a positive,” said the multi-sector leader.
Margaret E Ward is chief executive of Clear Eye, a leadership consultancy. margaret@cleareye.ie
