When it comes to working and having children, it’s more difficult for women to climb to the top of their profession. From the gender pay and promotions gap, the childcare and domestic juggle and the women’s health gap, many structural and societal barriers are put in the way. We all know some parents who’ve both made it professionally and seem to have it all figured out. But have they really or are they stressed out of their minds?
Numerous research studies and books show that when women have children, they suffer a motherhood penalty at work: fewer promotions and hiring opportunities, lower salaries and a drop in their career trajectory compared to male counterparts and those without children.
When men marry however, they start earning more and that’s true at every age from 20 to 64, according to US data.
Whether women have children or not, making it to the corner office is a huge challenge. In 2025 in Ireland, the two least likely roles for women to hold in senior management are CEO (6.2 per cent) and chairperson (2.5 per cent), according to Grant Thornton’s annual Women in Business Report. There’s hope though. Some roles such as chief human resources officer (48.8 per cent) and chief financial officer (43.8 per cent) are among those most commonly held by women in senior management in Ireland.
Sadly, more than one in seven (16.3 per cent) businesses had no women in senior management roles.
This week I spoke to women in the tech and legal sectors, some of the best paid professions in the State, to see how they’ve tried to make motherhood and professional success more compatible.
Women who work and have children are struggling
Last week’s National Women’s Health Survey in the Irish Examiner found that a third of women say they cannot afford to have children or won’t until they reach certain financial or career goals. Kids are expensive and it is understandable that women want to increase their financial stability, and their ability to take maternity leave or reduced hours, before making that choice one way or the other.
And there’s no doubt they are seeing that women who work and have kids are struggling.
The many women I spoke to, who tried to continue working at a high level professionally after having two or more children, said career and family success requires strong organisational skills, a supportive partner, full-time flexible childcare and help from family, neighbours and friends along the way.
Anecdotally, couples at the top of their professions who “have it all” – at least from the outside – tend to have full-time minders or nannies who look after their young children and household tasks, including meal preparation. Making this happen takes some serious cash and is out of reach for most parents, and likely impossible for single parents.
At an average of €19 an hour in suburban Dublin and 10-hour days, that equates to an average salary of almost €50k before tax. When the kids are older, many families reduce the minder’s hours to after school and evenings.
Jennie* and her husband work in tech and they have a minder who looks after their primary school age children from lunch to 6.30pm.
“When the kids were younger, we’d drop them to creche at 7.30am and pick up at 6pm. They were the last kids in the creche and it almost broke me. We thought one person probably needed to give up their job or we needed to move out of Dublin,” she says.
Covid put the brakes on that decision by allowing them to work from home, easing the pressure a bit. If they’d left Dublin and moved closer to family support, it would have involved a long commute for one while the other would be in the car driving the kids everywhere instead of walking, or doing a short drive, to school.
Jennie is the only woman on her senior management team with a family or in a relationship. Everyone else either has a full-time stay at home wife or they are single.
“It’s important to work but you need to do it so it doesn’t cost you everything. It can hold you back though; my peers can stay later, go on work trips.”
Living by a ‘spaghetti junction of spreadsheets’
Some dual income parents have a web of support involving several people – a childminder every day and a cleaner/cook once or twice a week – with both parents working from home two days a week and extended family or close neighbours filling in the gaps.
Anne*, who worked in large legal firms from 1996 to 2016, and her husband decided to have several children and she left the profession to work for herself in a related field with more flexibility. Managing the children and the household takes a “spaghetti junction of spreadsheets” and messaging apps she said. And the organisational role still falls largely on women.
Things have changed in the last 10 years though. “Conversations around the legal boardroom table have changed. Men are saying no to things now because they’re dads (age 35 to 45) and want to be there to support their wife and kids. I’m seeing more dads [in the legal profession] at kids’ matches and doing school runs. They’re in as much of a sweat now as their wives and partners are.”
The long hours work culture means parents are always on, even when they’re at home, says Jane* who also left the legal profession for a more flexible job. Her husband recently reached the top of his game in law but it’s a real juggle.
“You need to get home at 6pm or 7pm for the minder so you have a couple of hours with the kids. Once they’re in bed, you log back on at 9pm or 10pm and work for a few more hours. Sometimes you’re working weekends.
“Weekends tend to be full of activities with the kids; going to matches and flying around to different activities. There’s not enough time with the kids or one another. It’s difficult to find time for yourself to (exercise) and to be together as a couple. People are wrecked, running around all the time.”
Some employers have really stepped up to help parents by providing working from home options and more flexible hours and the Government’s hot dinners and childcare supports are good initiatives, says Anne. She’s scathing however when it comes to schools.
“Schools need to be more mindful of the people behind the children, especially when they’re organising multiple midday events or ringing because a child forgot something. Some people can’t leave work – or they have to take a half day off for each event – and if they’re not there, the child will feel they’re the only one without a parent attending. The guilt is terrible.”
Ireland’s professions are still structured around the one earner, one stay at home parent model, despite the higher educational levels of both men and women, and the financial necessity for most families of two incomes. Something has got to give.
*Names have been changed
Margaret E Ward is chief executive of Clear Eye, a leadership consultancy. margaret@cleareye.ie
