How parents can keep their children safe online

How safe do you feel online? It's a pertinent question, given that this week marked Safer Internet Day 2022. The global event is aimed at promoting safer, better internet use among children, with a programme of awareness-raising events taking place all over Ireland.

We have been increasingly living our lives online in recent years, something the pandemic accelerated as lockdowns and Covid-19 restrictions pushed our work, education and social lives online.

The internet has the capacity to be a force for good, offering unlimited educational possibilities, a social lifeline and underpinning many of our livelihoods. But we are all too aware that it has its downsides, from fake news to harmful or illegal content. While adults can be better equipped to deal with the many situations that may arise while online, what about our children?

New research carried out by the National Parents Council Primary, Webwise and TU Dublin to coincide with Safer Internet Day found that although 72 per cent of children discuss with their parents what they do online, only 34 per cent ask for advice about how to act online and only a third have looked for help with a difficult situation online.

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Almost two-thirds of parents were unaware if their child had been upset by something that happened online and only just more than a quarter of parents think their child can cope with things online that bother or upset them.

That ties in with a recent online safety survey of children and parents by the National Advisory Council for Online Safety. About half of teenagers – 52 per cent of boys and 49 per cent of girls – did not tell a parent the last time something happened online that upset them, with a third of boys aged between nine and 12 keeping it from their parents.

Parents are looking for help, the survey found, with 64 per cent wanting more online training to help support their child, while 45 per cent would like face-to-face training.

It’s a growing problem. In the days when internet access was limited to computers, things were easier. The general advice was to put the family computer, if there was such a thing, in a room in the house where all activity could be monitored, even if from a distance.

Smartphones, tablets, internet-connected TV and games consoles have changed all that, and with the pandemic, keeping a handle on screen time became significantly harder.

So how can parents keep their children safer online?

Talk to your child

It is the key theme of this year’s Safer Internet Day: #TalkListenLearn. Before depending on content filters, software locks and restrictions on devices, you need to talk to your child about safe behaviour online. Giving out personal information, having ground rules about making friends online and appropriate use of the internet are all topics that you should discuss with your child.

They won’t always be under your watchful eye, so equipping them with the skills to navigate the internet safely and to make good choices is key.

It is also important that your child knows they can come to you, or another trusted adult, if something happens online that makes them feel uncomfortable or upset. Encourage your child to talk to you about what they are seeing online, and don’t overreact.

You may find that your child is more aware of hoaxes and online behaviour than you realise. A massive survey taking in 10,000 teenagers and parents for social network TikTok found almost half of teenagers wanted more information and help to understand the risks of hoaxes and risky “challenges” they may see on the platform. Some 31 per cent said that they felt a negative impact from hoaxes, but less than half sought help.

Keep an eye on online activity

From smartphones and tablets to games consoles and online services, there are parental controls that you can activate to keep an eye on screen time, lock out inappropriate content and stop your child from running up large bills on your accounts without your knowledge.

On iOS, you will find restrictions and controls under Settings> Screen Time. It’s a slightly deceptive title, in that it doesn’t just cover the amount of time you or your child can spend online; it also deals with content and privacy restrictions, downtime and app time limits, and gives you a weekly report on how much time accounts and devices are spending online. If you have a family account, you can control screen time settings for each child account linked to yours, without ever having to touch their devices.

For Android, Google has a Family Link app that allows you to monitor and control screen time and content. The parent app is available on both iPhone and Android, allowing you to set time limits, manage apps and impose a shut down time for school or bed.

Google has its SafeSearch settings, for example, that will filter out adult content on your browser. And you should also consider implementing content restrictions on the Play Store. If you have a smart speaker too, make sure the family safe settings have been enabled – and in the case of an Amazon Echo, disable voice purchases.

There are also third-party software and services that can help you keep a close watch on smartphones and tablets, and filter out unwanted content or restrict internet access at certain times of the day or night.

Irish company iKydz offers a subscription service that includes coverage for smartphones and tablets both inside and outside the home, along with the iKydz wifi box that attaches to your home broadband hub to control access to your connection. Given the experience of the last couple of years, iKydz now includes an e-learning module, which allows access to educational resources.

There are also services such as Qustodio and OurPact, which will monitor internet access on mobile devices and, in the case of Qustodio, desktops for a fee.

Be an example

“Do as I say, not as I do” won’t work when it comes to online behaviour. Whether that is using your phone late at night, sharing personal information about yourself (or your child) online, or breaking your carefully policed ban on devices at the dinner table, the best education you can give your child is sticking to your own rules.

Educate yourself

The internet moves fast, and if you don’t keep up with what is happening online, you may not be able to help your children to navigate the risks.

However, that doesn’t mean that you have to turn yourself into an internet expert. Familiarise yourself with the apps your child is using and how they are using them.

Be aware of what you are sharing too, even out of a sense of protecting your children. Certain memes and "viral challenges" online can be more discussed than participated in. "I think we see a lot of panic-fuelled sharing, a lot of protective instincts playing out in a way that isn't protective. We also see a certain amount of sensationalism," said Alexandra Evans, head of safety and public policy with TikTok in Europe. "There are lots of different ways that things become popular and we become aware of them. I do think that it is relevant to consider the role of sharing in what becomes a trend."

There are plenty of resources out there for parents who want to find out about ways to keep their families safe. Groups such as Webwise, CyberSafe Kids and Barnardos offer advice on internet safety, with resources available on their respective websites that can help you broach conversations with your children about aspects of their online life.

SpunOut is another good resource for tips on online wellbeing, particularly for teenagers. The site deals with the impact of the internet on relationships, what to do if you feel lonely online, how to tackle problematic use of the internet by family members and what to do if someone won’t leave you alone online.

What about Big Tech?

There is also an argument that technology companies need to take more responsibility for what is happening on their platforms.

Social media companies in particular have come in for much criticism in recent months, and probably with good cause. Research and studies have shown the toxic impact of social media on people, from exacerbating the poor mental health of teenagers to increasing feelings of loneliness in middle-aged women.

Social media has presented new challenges for parents and children alike, from being “share aware” to issues around harmful behaviour.

Instagram owner Meta has come in for some heavy criticism in recent months, following allegations from whistleblower Frances Haugen that the company hid the effect of its platforms on users.

So there is a bit of image rehabilitation to be done, something that may take more time. The company has published a new guide to Instagram for parents and carers, aimed at helping you to guide children to safer interactions on the photo-sharing platform. That includes managing comments and controls that limit direct messages between younger users and adults they don’t know. The guide also covers essentials such as blocking and reporting inappropriate comments and contact, and pinning positive comments to set the tone for interactions and controlling who can tag them.

One of the standout successes of recent years is TikTok. It has captured the imagination of younger users in ways that other social network shave not. However, that has brought with it its own obstacles, with viral challenges such as the milk crate challenge or the blackout challenge gaining traction on the platform.

TikTok has tightened up its policies on harmful content. “We have a north star in terms of our harm spectrum. We are really clear in what we do and don’t allow on our platform, and we won’t tolerate content that is promoting, normalising or encouraging others to participate in things that are going to lead to serious injury or harm,” said Evans.

The company has also taken steps to limit unwanted interaction between teenagers and strangers, with under-16s asked to decide if they want to make their videos visible to their followers, their friends or just themselves before they are allowed to post.

TikTok also opened its European Transparency and Accountability Centre in Ireland last year, providing experts with a way to learn about the company’s moderation systems, processes and policies.

So some work has been done, but it is clear that there is much more to do across the board. In the absence of a complete block on content that could be considered harmful – it can be a subjective assessment in some cases – users will have to continue to block, mute and report content as they see it.