I’m a gay Irish woman living in London. For me the Listowel sermon was a punch in the heart

My friend back in Ireland texted to say I should check out her Twitter account. She had reposted a now infamous video of Fr Seán Sheehy delivering a homily in Listowel last Sunday. In it he describes same-sex relationships as a mortal sin. In the ensuing controversy, he has stood over these and other remarks.

Fr Sheehy has since been taken off the Mass roster in Listowel by Bishop Ray Browne of Kerry, who said Fr Sheehy’s views don’t represent the Christian position. They don’t represent me, either.

[ Priest at centre of controversial Listowel homily stands over his remarks ]

I am a gay Irish woman living in London. When I watched the video it felt like a punch in the heart. It’s very old-school Ireland. I was brought up in church and am religious to this day, but I have never heard anything like this in all my years going to Mass.

In 2022 I expect more from someone in his position. From a progressive Ireland that in 2015 carried a referendum for gay marriage, his views feel so backward.

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Growing up in Waterford, I always felt a little strange. When I hit secondary school, and hormones kicked in, I started to realise that I was more attracted to the same sex. It freaked me out. If people knew my secret, would they shun me? I didn’t feel I could be honest, but I never felt unwelcome at Mass in Ireland, either. Ultimately, I felt I was loved, because God has made us in His image and His likeness, and will love us no matter who or what we are.

I used to come to London every summer to visit my mother, who lives here. All through transition year I was struggling with my sexuality, skipping school because I was afraid someone would find out. In London that Easter I told my mother that I didn’t want to go back home, and she said that it was okay, I didn’t have to. It was the biggest relief of my life.

[ Obsession with sexuality partly responsible for sermon controversy, priests say ]

I came out in London when I was 17 or 18. In Ireland I waited until I was 24 or 25.

There is a priest in London who knows I’m gay, who actually helped me to come out. He knew me very well, and I felt I could trust him. As we talked one night he said: “I think you like girls.” Although I felt frightened he reassured me, saying: “That’s okay. Everyone will love you regardless. It’s who you are. Don’t be scared.” For a long time before I came out he was my confidant.

Now aged 36, I don’t go to Mass every Sunday, but it’s still important to me to have faith. I believe there’s a God who loves us, watches us and guides us. When I hear a priest suggesting that I’m a sinner who is going to go to hell, I start to distrust those beliefs, to wonder “Is that what God thinks of me as well?”

In those painful times I couldn’t be myself, because it hurt too much, because I was scared to hurt other people, because I was scared of being judged. Now Fr Sheehy was judging me without knowing who I am

I got very, very upset watching the video in my friend’s post. A priest is supposed to represent God to us, so when Fr Sheehy says I’m going to hell for my sins, for a few minutes I actually believed it. I was like: If this man of God thinks I’m a sinner because of who I am and who I love, then I must be one.

I suddenly felt completely inadequate compared with what some might call “normal people” or “straight people”. His words made me feel different and took me back to the years when I was scared to come out. In those painful times I couldn’t be myself, because it hurt too much, because I was scared to hurt other people, because I was scared of being judged. Now Fr Sheehy was judging me without knowing who I am.

I worry now about going back to Ireland at Christmas. Are people going to heed the words of Fr Sheehy? Not all people, but some: there are still those who believe every word priests say, because they are representatives of God.

I’m so scared that Ireland will start to go backwards. I’m scared of being shunned, of being looked on differently, of people thinking, Look, a gay girl – remember what that priest said...

I’m so scared that Ireland will start to go backwards. I’m scared of being shunned, of being looked on differently, of people thinking, Look, a gay girl – remember what that priest said...”

I have a good relationship with God. I trust Him. I follow His guidance. I feel His guidance. I don’t think Fr Seán Sheehy should be representing God, because the views he has expressed are not God’s way, not my God. For me the Bible’s core message is to love thy neighbour. Fr Sheehy’s views are definitely not my understanding of what Catholicism is.

I love my religion, and I treat people the way they should be treated. That was a lesson from my grandmother, a deeply Catholic woman: “Treat people as you want to be treated. Don’t judge.” – In conversation with Jen Hogan