That overpowering aroma of confidence

MASTER the art of slain dunking in America and you're half-way along the road to fame, fortune and your, own fragrance. All three have been, Michael Jordan's reward for reaching the status of one of basketball's all time greats, but on NBC's Internight last Monday Tom Brokaw seemed less than impressed with the sweet smell of his success.

"I've been close enough to you in the fourth quarter of games down at the Loop and I don't think I want to smell like you at all," said our interviewer. So not only did Tom not like the whiff wafting up his nostrils down at the Loop, he also seemed to suspect somewhat cynically that money might have been a motivating factor behind the new Michael Jordan Cologne - an allegation Michael vigorously denied.

"Fragrance is something that we all feel is a sign of good hygiene, and certainly it could give you a perception of a personality of an individual, and I think that comes in to play with this whole project," said Michael, convincingly.

"But Michael, you didn't think a lot about fragrance until they started, talking about numbers in this contract, did you," asked Brokaw, provocatively.

"No. I would not even have considered the thought without being able to put my creativity in to this," replied Michael, without a hint of a grin. "I treated it the same as the Air Jordan situation, I felt it could be very innovating."

Tom smirked and continued on the big bucks theme. "What's the best part about having so much money, he asked. Now, you know the way in the old days when a Rose of Tralee contestant was always asked who she admired the most and you really wanted her to say Sid Vicious and Patty Hearst but she always said the Pope and Mother Theresa?

You wanted him to say, "So I can go na, na, na, na, na at all the people who said I'd never make it". But he didn't. "Being able to help out, others less fortunate than me," wash his reply. That's an awful lot of people, in fact it probably only excludes the Sultan of Brunei and maybe Tiger Woods.

Tiger is another American sportsman who receives a sizeable chunk of Nike's annual profits, but, despite this pleasant situation, the Sky Sports golf team feel that he has a problem namely, his belief that he's a bit good at this golfing lark (as Dustin the Turkey calls it).

Last Thursday Sky set aside five hours of their afternoon schedule for live coverage of the Million Dollar Challenge from Sun City, but, to their horror, it soon became Waterlogged City and they were left with an awful lot of time to fill.

David Livingstone and Andrew Murray decided that Tiger's overconfidence problem would keep them going for a while. They began by replaying an interview Curtis Strange did with Tiger for American television at the time Tiger turned pro. Curtis (who looks remarkably like Garth Brooks ... eh, according to reliable sources) got into a bit of trouble after the interview was broadcast for what Murray described as his "patronising attitude" towards Tiger.

Still, it didn't stop Livingstone and Murray doing a little patronising of their own as they discussed Tiger's unbounded belief in his ability. "When I met him at the Tour Championship I had a word with him and said, `You do realise you have a problem with this arrogance thing, but he said there was nothing he could about it," said Livingstone, who seemed to hope Tiger would apologise for his existence.

"He said, `I believe I can win every single tournament I play, that I can beat any golfer in the world do you want me to give an honest opinion or not'."

Not having met Tiger at the Tour Championship, or anywhere else for that matter, the jury in the living room at home had to stay out on the issue. But when Sky showed us Swing Thoughts, a programme featuring Tiger's thoughts on his swing, we were on his side. "He can't be too big for his boots if he's taking valuable time out to help improve the game of those yet to attract Nike's interest," was our conclusion.

So Tiger, in layman's language, what can we do to improve our swing? "The overall theme is to try," and get a little more cuppy at the top," he said, helpfully. Cuppy? "I intend to get a little shut at the top which means I tend to deal off the club at impact. " Wha?

This is where we started to get annoyed and suspected our teacher just didn't understand our problems at all. What Tiger calls "long and left is when the ball lands feet, as opposed to inches, left of the hole. For the rest of us it's when it lands in the middle of a herd of cattle in the field to the left of the pitch and putt centre in Celbridge. Come ion Tiger, remember who you're dealing with here.

Okay what about when the pressures on? You've been on the first hole for three hours and you're still trying to reach the green. A queue of 23 irate golfers has formed behind and you're feeling a bit tense. Help us out Tiger. "If I'm under pressure I like to go to a two-iron off the tee, but it all depends on the hole," he said.

Okay, forget that. Tell us how to drive the green on a par five. How do you do it, where does your power come from? "It's natural," he says, helpfully. "I've always been long my entire life. I've been blessed with natural speed in golf - my hips rotate very quickly, so do my hands and my arms on my down swing. I'm long and lean - when the power's unleashed it's gone." Cocky so-and-so.

Jamie Pollock could do with a little of Tiger's self-belief these days, particularly after his less-than-happy experience in Spanish football. When the Brazilian Emerson arrived at Middlesbrough last summer, he took our Jamie's place in the team leaving him with no option but to head for Osasuna in the Spanish, league.

Sadly, in his two short months there Jamie never quite got to grips with the language barrier, and he told us on Sky Sports Centre last week of his particular problem with the phrase "kick-off time is . . ."

"I got up one Sunday morning, put the telly on and there was my team playing, eh, live. I got straight in the car and drove down to the ground but the match had finished. They had a few words with me about that," he said.

Wonder what's the Spanish for "You stupid. . ."