Storey almost caught on the hop as Derval skips to glory

TV View: The BBC's Stuart Storey was gobsmacked: "O'Rourke of Ireland???" "O'Rourke of Ireland!!!" "O'ROURKE OF IRELAND?!?!" And that was just the semi-final of the 60-metre hurdles at the World Indoor Championships in Moscow.

In fairness to Stu, he was entitled to be astounded by the emergence of the Cork woman as a megaforce in world athletics, hailing, as she does, from a sporting nation whose attitude to sprinting until now has largely been, "What's the rush?"

But there she was, floating majestically, and rather speedily, over those hurdles, taking just the 7.84 seconds to scoop herself a gold medal, just enough time for Stu's commentary: "Alozie got away brilliantly and O'Rourke going well on the near side and Golding-Clarke going well and O'Rourke going and O'Rourke's coming through here and O'Rourke oh O'ROUURKE!"

There you have it: 7.84 seconds worth of commentary. Give that man a medal.

If O'Rourke continues to knock lumps off her personal best we forecast that, in about a year's time, Stu will have just about enough time to say: "O'Rourke got away brilliantly and" before she's doing her lap of honour.

A goldenly glorious 7.84 seconds for O'Rourke, then, a bit of a contrast to Wales's nightmarish 80ish minutes against Italy, the low point being when Ezio Galon forgot to touch down but was given the try any way. "I thought the point of having a video referee was that we got these decisions right," as John Inverdale put it.

The BBC had hired the musical services of David Bowie to preview the game. "Take your protein pills and put your helmets on," he had crooned, although it wasn't clear if this was his advice to Wales or Italy.

In the end, after the draw, Welsh rugby was taking its depression pills while lobbing rotten tomatoes at the helmeted Welsh players leaving the Millennium Stadium.

"Scott, a draw at home to Italy, does it feel like a defeat?" the BBC reporter asked Welsh coach Scott Johnson.

His reply was somewhat startling: "It feels like I'm kissing my mother-in-law, really. No one wins there, eh?"

Indeed not. But please, Scott, keep your interfamilial infidelities to yourself.

Back on RTÉ George Hook reckoned he knew who was to blame for the humbling of the Welsh dragon. Yesterday he referred to him as "he who shall remain nameless, but he has a knighthood". On Saturday he was more candid: "Funnily enough, I think Clive Woodward is involved in all this," he said, a declaration that had Tom McGurk and Brent Pope rolling in the aisles.

Yes, Woodward is responsible for global warming, the inflated price of celery and Emily Bishop having to cope with bumping into her husband's murderer in the Rovers (you had to be there). But Welsh woes? Surely not.

"The grassy knoll," chuckled Popey. Undaunted, Hookie insisted Woodward was spotted in the Cardiff School Depository Building, sniping at the Welsh squad, filling their heads with notions about coaches claiming too much credit for team triumphs. Not for the first time this season Conor O'Shea looked mystified. "Dum de dum de dum," he said to himself.

After England's mauling in Paris yesterday, the highlight of which was BBC dragon Jonathan Davies trying to look disappointed while a grin as wide as your average Welsh valley spread across his face, Tom looked ahead to Ireland's trip to Twickenham.

"There's a 20 per cent chance of rain, there'll be a soft wind blowing off the Thames, and it'll be six degrees," he forecast. Wethinks it'll be a whole lot hotter than that.

The sporting highlight of the week, though, was very definitely produced by RTÉ's Champions League panel.

Us lot might take Eamo and Gilesie for granted, but they certainly don't in Englishland. Since Wednesday their press has been reporting, in a slightly agog manner, the comments of the lads after Liverpool and Chelsea's European exits.

"They'll be disappointed with that," was the gist of Sky's and ITV's cutting verdicts on those exits. Gilesie? "He's not as special as he thinks he is, Bill," he said of Jose Mourinho. "He couldn't be," he added, chucking a glance heavenwards.

"I think we'll find out that this fella is a Bengal Lancer," said Dunphy (About Jose, not Gilesie). Some of us have been studying the history of Britain in India since Wednesday night and still can't figure that one out, although we did learn that the film about the Bengal Lancers was "much admired by Hitler". We'll take it, then, that Jose wouldn't be chuffed, although knowing Jose you just couldn't be sure. Word has it his diary for the season will be entitled Mein Champions League Kampf.

The Liverpool game? Well, after showing brief highlights of Arsenal's joust with Real Madrid Bill O'Herlihy suggested to Gilesie that the Anfield game was dog poo in comparison.

"It certainly was Bill," said Gilesie, swooning at the Highbury show, "We saw people passing the ball to each other."

Dunphy? "Crouch is lacking in confidence, Garcia is lacking everything. Benitez should have put Garcia where he belongs, in the dustbin. Cisse - £14 million this clown cost. . . Benfica? Ragball Rovers. . . Kewell? Fat and useless. . . Liverpool were a shambles tonight, a rabble, and they deteriorated in the second half to the point where it was unbelievable."

Dunphy, then, was a touch disappointed with Liverpool. Alas, so heated was he he ended up slandering an innocent party when he said of Djibril Cisse, "Only his mum could believe he was worth £14 million".

Mrs Cisse might be many things, but she's no eejit.