All in the Game: Nagelsmann knows where you can put your Instagram abuse

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“He disrespected Villarreal by saying he wanted to settle the tie in the first leg. Sometimes when you spit up, it falls on your face.”

Villarreal’s Dani Parejo blowing a kiss in Bayern Munich coach Julian Nagelsmann’s direction after that Champions League upset.

Number: 16

That’s how many consecutive seasons in which Cristiano Ronaldo has reached the 20-goal mark, his reward a £750,000 bonus. Small change.

Exchange of the Week

We’ll go with what started simply enough with Jamie Carragher’s response to the news that Burnley had sacked Sean Dyche, before it all took an unexpected turn when a person called Glen replied to him.

Relegation-threatened Burnley sack manager Sean Dyche

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Women’s World Cup: Call goes up for qualifier venue switch

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Jamie: “What a joke! If you had given him a decent budget you would never have had a worry about getting relegated.”

Glen: “Burnley fan since 1986 Jamie and this is the worst thing that’s happened since I lost my dad 10 years ago. He didn’t die was arrested and sentenced to life for some bs charges a 17 year old girl made up he’s still locked up in there anything you can do to help understand if you cant.”

To which Jamie replied: “If Elon Musk buys Twitter for $43bn it’s a bargain.” True.

Word of Mouth

“It surprises me that there is a team with 10 players behind the ball for the whole 90 minutes that is only trying to avoid conceding a goal. It would make more sense to change the channel and watch Netflix instead.”

How much does Marco Van Basten enjoy watching Atletico Madrid? Not a lot.

“As my father used to say, ‘it’s the mouth that kills the fish’.”

…. but the critics don’t bother Atletico coach Diego Simeone.

“I want to achieve something with this club, something special. Before that, I don’t leave.”

At this rate, Granit Xhaka could still be at Arsenal when he’s a pensioner.

More Word of Mouth

“Not fun, it really wasn’t fun. I made it, but that’s about it.”

A highly humble Arjen Robben after the 38-year-old ran his first marathon - in a gobsmackingly good three hours, 13 minutes and 40 seconds.

“I was reflecting when the team was named ... a year ago, I was doing the punditry.”

Chloe Mustaki after swapping her seat on the RTE panel for a place in the Irish team after making her competitive debut in last week’s draw with Sweden.

“I like that Klopp follows me, that every Saturday my column is on his desk. Lijnders, he’s a creep. Yes, I really think he’s a self-righteous man.”

Wim Kieft, the fecker who scored that curly wurly header that knocked Ireland out of Euro 88, responding to Jurgen Klopp’s defence of his assistant Pep Lijnders after Kieft had scundered him in his newspaper column. This one could run and run.

Back Three Death Threats

It was fairly inevitable that Bayern Munich coach Julian Nagelsmann would get dog’s abuse last week after that Champions League defeat by Villarreal, but as he revealed after, the levels it reached were off the charts.

“I know I will always get criticism from all sides - that’s normal and I can deal with it,” he said. “But with 450 death threats on Instagram, it’s not so easy. If people want to kill me that’s one thing, but they also attack my mother who doesn’t even care about football.”

He’s grown used to it, though, because it’s such a common occurrence. “There are more death threats when we play with a back three than when we play with a back four, but I get them after every single game, regardless of whether we win or lose. I don’t understand it. As soon as they turn off the TV, people forget all decency. And they think they are the ones in the right, that’s the crazy thing.”

But. “How do I deal with it? I don’t give a shit.” A wise man.