Dictating play
There was a bit of chat last week about how Real Madrid fans, excited about their teenage arrival from Argentina, had been stymied by the club in their efforts to have his first name printed on the back of their replica shirts.
His surname, Mastantuono, was fine, but when they chose his first on the club’s online shop, this message popped up: “Apologies, this name or term is not available for personalisation”. The problem? His first name is the same as a certain Spanish dictator – Franco.
It turns out that Madrid have long had a list of names that they refuse to put on their shirts, a good few of them with Barcelona connections, like Diego Maradona, Johan Cruyff, Ronaldinho and Lionel Messi. (Why anyone would want to put, say, Messi, on a Real Madrid shirt? No clue.)
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It was pointed out to the club last week, though, that they’re a bit inconsistent when it comes to this name-banning. For example, you couldn’t choose Franco or Hitler, but you could have Mussolini and Stalin. On being told this, they swiftly added the latter two lads to the banned list.
That list also includes Idi Amin, Pol Pot and Mao, but you’re free to pick Attila The Hun, Ivan The Terrible and Vlad The Impaler. You’ll get some funny looks at the Bernabéu, though.
Chilling battle
Trademark battle of the month: Undoubtedly the one that has pitted Chelsea’s Cole Palmer against a French vineyard. Seriously.
A few months back, we told you about Palmer filing an application with the UK Intellectual Property Office to trademark his crossed-arm ‘Cold Palmer’ goal celebration, an image of which he planned on using on a wide range of goods – including clothes, alcohol, food, toys, aftershave, drones and submarines. To this day, we don’t get the submarine thing.
That application has, though, been held up because the French vineyard is challenging it. Why? Because Palmer wants to put his name on bottles of wine, and have it legally protected. Their name? Chateau Palmer. A vintage battle, this.
No way back
No doubt some of you have so little confidence in your team’s prospects at the start of the season, you have a gloomy notion they’ll end up relegated. Spare a thought for supporters of Romania’s FC U Craiova, though – their chances of survival are decidedly slim. Why? They’ve been docked 94 – 94! – points.
And it could get worse. Unless they settle a string of debts (the club owing a heap of loot to former players, coaches and other employees) by September 3rd, they’ll be deducted two more points for every 15 days of non-payment.
For now, though, they only have those 94 points to make up – 31 wins and a draw would get them back to zero, but, alas, they only have 22 games to play.
Word of mouth
Sky Sports reporter Gary Cotterill: “Is it difficult for [Eberechi] Eze [with all this transfer speculation]?”
Crystal Palace manager Oliver Glasner: “It’s more difficult for me because I have to talk to you.”
That was Gary put in his box.
“You’ve got to get them through the door before the window shuts.” – Karen Carney previewing deadline day.
“I swear imma make it and when I do they’re gunna show this tweet lol.” – A 2015 tweet from a 16-year-old footballer who had just been released by Millwall. His name? Eberechi Eze.
“I might try and play, I’m a very good athlete. I may put on shorts – I look extremely good in shorts.” – Who is hoping for a United States call-up for the 2026 World Cup? Donald Trump, of course.
In numbers: 10
That’s how many goals Troy Parrott has scored for AZ Alkmaar this season ... in just seven games. Golden Boots.
