When Gary Lineker presented his very first Match of the Day back in August 1999, Ronan Keating was atop the British charts with that When You Say Nothing At All song. Which, when you think about it, is how a sizeable chunk of the British media prefer their Lineker, when he holds his whisht rather than shares his thoughts on the issues of the day.
The gist, then, of their warm tributes to him after it was announced that he will be quitting MOTD at the end of the season was “good riddance, you insufferable overpaid woke snowflake”.
They’ve long been obsessed with the fella, his politics and his salary. And overdrive was hit on Tuesday. GB News had seven – seven! – stories about him in the sports section of their website alone, and (quite literally) too many to count on the front. As for the Daily Mail? You can only imagine. At least Meghan Markle got a day off.
“Gary Lineker has been spotted for the first time since quitting Match of The Day,” the Mail reported, like he was on the run, no enormous amount of detective work required to locate him because his son Angus had posted a photo on Instagram of the clan dining at a Michelin-star Spanish restaurant in London.
“The broadcaster was seen indulging himself in a selection of tapas dishes and a glass of red wine,” read the scoop. Not dining, “indulging”. If they’d checked the prices they’d have needed smelling salts – the Tapas tasting menu begins at £45 (€54) and if Gaz opted for the suckling pig for his main course, that would have been another £320 (€385). Imagine that headline. “The BEEB’S Lineker GORGES on extortionately priced SPANISH pig while ENGLISH farmers face inheritance tax NIGHTMARE.”
The attention now, of course, turns to who will succeed Lineker as MOTD host, a task perhaps as daunting as the one he faced himself when he took over from Des Lynam 25 years ago.
It was a nervy beginning, to the point where you wondered if he was cut out for the role at all, but he eased himself in to it and grew comfortable. And best of all, he had some fun with it. Nothing worse than a football host who forgets it’s only a game.
So, the candidates? Tony Blair’s former right-hand man Alastair Campbell has offered to present it in his underpants when Burnley win the Premier League (so that’s him out of the running) with the current front-runner being MOTD2 host Mark Chapman.
Chapman is, possibly, already the busiest man in the sports media, so quite how he’d find the time is hard to know. When a colleague set off to play a round of golf one day, he stuck on BBC 5 Live in the car and Chapman was in full swing. After the completion of a rather lengthy 18 holes, he returned to his car, his shoes encased in sand having spent the bulk of the afternoon embedded in bunkers. And Chapman was still on air. He has a good engine, that lad.
Among the other contenders given short enough odds by the bookies are three people who would have Joey Barton’s Twitter account spontaneously combust if successful because they don’t possess the correct genitalia – Alex Scott, Gabby Logan and Kelly Somers.
The best of the wimmin mentioned, though, is probably the very excellent Kelly Cates whose easy style over on Sky Sports, with a healthy dollop of wit, would make her fit very comfortably into those shoes.
But why would you give up the company of Gary Neville and Jamie Carragher and the glam of Sky’s coverage for 80 minutes in a studio of a Saturday night, having to apologise weekly to Wolves fans for their team being on last again? Stay where you are, Kelly.
But yes, whoever gets the gig, they’ll be big shoes to fill. Shoes that used to score quite a few goals, incidentally.
“Huh, was he a footballer once,” the youngsters will ask.
Send them to bed without their supper.
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