The Coughlans: The free-scoring Irish brothers that are making records

There aren’t too many stats that can’t be found on the Transfermarkt website, among them the list of the leading scorers in the top tiers of world football in 2023. Harry Kane, not too surprisingly, heads that list, but as @BlogIrish noted on the artist formerly known as Twitter, one of our very own is in second, ahead of luminaries such as Kylian Mbappé, Cristiano Ronaldo and Erling Haaland. Take a bow, Garbhan Coughlan.

After he won the First Division Player of The Year award, scoring a record 37 times in the season, Waterford’s Ronan Coughlan might have thought he had earned the family bragging rights for 2023, but he’s been outdone by his big brother because his goal-scoring exploits took place in New Zealand’s top flight.

Garbhan plays with the most excellently named Cashmere Technical, where he is also the Christchurch club’s director of football, having moved to the country in 2017 after spells with his native Limerick and Athlone Town.

Transfermarkt have him down as scoring 34 goals in 23 games in the calendar year, a total not even Mbappé, Ronaldo and Haaland could match - although granted, fitness permitting, their years aren’t done yet. Still, it’s been a half decent 2023 for a pair of net-busting Coughlans.

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QUOTE

“I get messages as though every day’s a funeral, as though my mother or father had died. A month ago I was Ferguson and now I’m on the street.”

How much pressure is Barcelona gaffer Xavi feeling this weather? A lot.

NUMBER: 810

That’s how many million Euros clubs paid agents in 2023, over a quarter of it coming from English Premier League clubs, a 42.5 per cent increase on last year.

WORD OF MOUTH

“Before the matches against Barcelona, Simeone didn’t say Messi’s name... he used to call him ‘The Midget’ so that we wouldn’t be afraid of him.”

Atletico Madrid old boy Filipe Luis on how Diego Simeone used to prepare his lads for the challenge of playing Lionel. Did it work? Well, Messi scored 32 goals and had nine assists in his 43 appearances against Atletico. So, not really.

“The standard is shocking. That’s one of the worst games I’ve ever seen. Rubbish. If I’m a paying customer I’m not coming back to watch that, I can tell you that. I’ve left a team in League Two that’s miles better than this team. Miles. That’s saying something. One hundred times better.”

After Saturday’s defeat by Dundee, Ross County manager Derek Adams had the sounds of a man who regretted leaving Morecambe last month for a third spell in charge of the Scottish club.

Pontypridd United on the naughty list

Welsh Premier League side Pontypridd United found themselves in a world of bother when the Football Association of Wales charged them with 18 offences ranging from the non-payment of players to the fielding of ineligible players. Following the FAW’s investigation, “all 18 charges were found proven”.

The punishment? Well, as Pontypridd put it in their statement last Tuesday, the points deduction sought by the FAW was “deemed disproportionate” - they wanted them docked 141 points. Instead, they’ve lost six, but they’ll lose the other 135 if they field any more ineligible players between now and the end of next season.

Teams in Wales’ Premier League play 32 games per campaign, so that’s a maximum of 96 points. Pontypridd, then, will be relegated before they kick a ball next season if they’re naughty again. Spare a thought for the club employee responsible for ensuring players are correctly registered. No pressure.

MORE WORD OF MOUTH

“It’s like building a house when some of the stuff is not there. The roof? Not there yet. We have good people building the house, good architects. But when you want to build something you need solid foundations but sometimes you dig the hole and there is water.”

Mauricio Pochettino on his lengthy snag list as he tries to rebuild Chelsea.

“If you want to buy a new house you go to the market and choose the best house. A new house, already finished, bam. But if you want to build a house you know you need to take some risks. We are going to need more time.”

Pochettino prolonging his house analogy, wishing he’d moved in to a new-build rather than a creaking mansion in need of repair.

“I don’t think Celtic are doing the best. Feyenoord should be able to make mincemeat of them.”

Former Bhoy Derk Boerrigter giving his old club no chance at all of finishing their Champions League campaign with a win. (Result: Celtic 2 Feyenoord 1).

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