Save your money and watch Joly's TV show

BOOK REVIEW:THE POST-round joke at the 19th is, it must be said, an important part of any round of golf. It certainly beats getting the pants bored off you by someone recounting all 121 shots played in the round, especially if you have been unfortunate enough to witness every one of them. But, then, you couldn't ever imagine Dom Joly being one of those who would content themselves with such boring matters. Certainly not if you're a fan of his comedy on television.

Unfortunately for Joly, this book doesn’t transfer that wit from the small screen. It is, basically, a collection of letters – fictional – which were actually sent to various golf clubs around Britain and Ireland. Some clubs responded, others didn’t; and others still entered into correspondence only to give up when realising that the joke, invariably, was on them.

The premise for Joly’s “scam” was to invent a dysfunctional family including Colonel Arthur J. Lindsay-Bird (“a crusty, battle-scarred old Tory), his wife Julie (“a deeply unhappy and very short woman”), his son David (“a television producer working for Mental Productions”), another son Randy (“who runs a gay-friendly golf society”) who, in turn, write to different clubs with various complaints, one wilder than the other.

I’d prefer if the author used the actual name of the club in the correspondence rather than inventing one. For instance, one of the Irish respondents is the so-called “North Downs Golf and Country Club” with an address in Sligo. Thankfully for them (whoever they are), their response is a simple three-line acknowledgement to indicate receiving Joly’s initial letter (complaining of witnessing some act of “flagrante delicto” involving fishermen adjacent to the course) and, thereafter, no further correspondence to Joly from the “club”. It’s on such lack of correspondence that the book tends to fall down; and, more often than not, it comes across as a vehicle for Joly to exaggerate the prejudices which non-golfers tend to throw at established golf clubs. Those clubs silly enough to have entered into a series of correspondence with the author probably deserve what they get: pity the names of clubs are changed, though! The preposterous and very often lewd letters – which, amazingly, illicit some serious replies in a number of cases before the penny drops – include requesting permission to use golf courses for TV films involving playing golf while on recreational drugs and allegations of dwarf tossing.

Another “idea” from the film producer son is to a club promoting a project called, “Could Bruce Lee Have Beaten Tiger Woods At Golf?” in which the martial arts character played by a Lee lookalike would be dressed in “a small orange thong and greased with sesame seed oil (highlights the vein structure on camera).” You get the picture. Joly, for his part, professes to being “a rubbish golfer” who “avoided the game like the plague for years” before taking it up after moving to the Cotswolds. The idea for the book centred around the fictional complainers came, funnily enough, when a friend of his told him of a real letter of complaint sent to his golf club committee because he often brought his dog with him to the course and that it had proven to be a distraction.

This is not a book that will help you swing the club any better, nor will it give you an insight into a golfer’s mindset. It’s a mish-mash of letters aimed at provoking a response from club officials . . . and it is a wonder that many actually gave the time for the courtesy of a reply.

Sure, some people will manage to find a belly laugh (search hard) in the book. But the best thing about it is that it won’t take more than an hour or two to read . . . and it won’t have you working too many grey cells to work out complicated, ever twisting themes and subplots. There are none.

Questions for Readers

1Do you believe the stereotypical characters used by Joly are realistic?

2Does the author's use of anonymous clubs work? Would it have worked better if he was permitted to use actual names of those who responded?

3Is the traditional conservatism associated with many golf clubs confirmed by the manner of replies?

4Does the "letter book" style work in this case?

5How do you rate this book out of a possible top mark of 10? Submit your answers and additional observations on this book on the online forum: www.irishtimes.com

Reaction to last week's book(The Greatest Game Ever Played by Mark Frost)

Frost’s fact and fiction dialogue succeeds admirably. Not once did I think that “Vardon or Ouimet couldn’t have said that!”

Modern professionals come from mixed backgrounds. Our own Rory McIlroy, Damian McGrane, Michael Hoey - even Pádraig Harrington, came from quite humble beginnings. Past heroes such as Byron Nelson, Ben Hogan and Lee Trevino had to beg and borrow to support their golf before they "made it big". Hal Sutton is the only pro I can think of who was a millionaire before he won his way onto the Tour. I think the main difference between professionals of today and yesteryear is that nowadays young players with potential have great support systems in place to help them along (eg) junior golf programmes, coaching, access to golf clubs, GUI mentoring, Sports Council etc. All our Irish stars came thru the GUI ranks, Ross Fisher thru the English Golf Union. – posted by Dermot Fagan five days ago