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The 2006 Awards

Genius gaffers

Bronze: "At this level, you cannot defend like that and get away with it. We've defended like that and got away with it today."

Steve Bruce, after Birmingham got away with it against West Brom.

Silver: "I can assure West Ham fans that no stone will be unearthed in our preparation for next week."

Alan Pardew giving a solemn promise to the supporters that his team would go in to the FA Cup final, eh, unprepared.

Gold: "We're not as good as we think we are. We need to go out there and prove that."

And that's pretty much what England have done so far under Steve McClaren.

Referees - respect!

Bronze: "I know Rob Styles. He will get up in the morning, look in the mirror and wonder how the other seven wonders of the world got on."

Ray Houghton on his favourite man in the middle.

Silver: "He reminded me of Bruce Forsyth in Play Your Cards Right. He didn't know whether he was going higher or lower."

Chris Waddle after Graham Poll lost count of his yellow cards at the World Cup.

Gold: "If he was on fire I'd dial 998."

Notts County manager Steve Thompson on referee Danny McDermid.

Muddled maths

Bronze: "It's been harder this year - Liverpool have got better, Man U have got better, Arsenal have got better, and Tottenham have joined the quartet of five teams."

Chelsea's Joe Cole on the strength of England's top four, which contains five clubs.

Silver: "He's had three offside decisions, two right, two wrong."

Sky Sports' Chris Kamara. Who else?

Gold: "He crossed nine balls during the game, which was double anyone else on the park."

Steve McClaren on Stewart Downing after the winger put in four and a half fine crosses.

I'm a foreign footballer,  get me out of here

Bronze: "I have not got accustomed to English life. The food is catastrophic and it's always raining. It's difficult for my wife and my son. When there's no training and no match, then we watch a DVD under a warm blanket."

Patrice Evra, living it up in Manchester.

Silver: "I went to Tesco on Sunday and it was crazy. You go to Tesco in Middlesbrough on a Sunday and you can hear the flies buzzing. It's nice to be in a big city again."

Franck Queudrue, now in London with Fulham, not quite pining for his old club.

Gold: "Grimsby was a really bad place to live. The town was really old and there wasn't much to do there. It was full of fishermen and it smelled of fish all the time. It was not a very nice place to be and I prefer the smell of London."

Thomas Pinault, relieved to have left Grimsby for a more fragrant "plaice" . . . Brentford.

No love lost

Bronze: "The worst thing about playing Chelsea is having to listen to the stupidity of Mourinho. He is a little man who has suddenly been created into the owner of the world in his own head. And when you lose against him it is even worse because you have to hear it all over again. He talks absolute b******s. He should shut the **** up."

Barcelona's Edmilson, after their Champions League meeting, appears to rule out a move to Stamford Bridge in the future.

Silver: "Get out of my face! You know nothing about football! Nothing! Don't break my balls, you ****ing idiots!"

Mexican coach Ricardo La Volpe has a slight difference of opinion with reporters at the World Cup.

Gold: Reporter: "Do you see any of yourself in Gordon Strachan?"

Alex Ferguson: "I don't think so. I hope not."

Lost in transit

Bronze: When Blackburn and Crystal Palace agreed a fee for Shefki Kuqi before the closure of the transfer window the deal appeared to be done. Except his registration forms didn't arrive at the Football League's headquarters. Blackburn were flummoxed; they were certain they had faxed them. They had . . . to a fish-and-chip shop.

Silver: One of the bigger summer transfers involving an Irish player was Andy Reid's move from Spurs to Charlton. It did, though, appear to go unnoticed in Merrion Square - notification of Reid's call-up for the game against the Czech Republic, three months later, was sent by the FAI to . . . White Hart Lane. Luckily Spurs forwarded the message to Charlton.

Gold: The Sun published a list of all the under-21 players signed by Arsène Wenger in his time at Arsenal and rated each with a "hit" or "miss". One of the players they deemed to have been a flop was Italian defender Niccolo Galli. True, Galli didn't make it at the club, but being killed in a car crash when he was just 17 hardly helped his cause.

Women at work

Bronze: "You keep telling me I'm frustrated. I don't let my wife put words in my mouth and I am not going to allow you do it either. I'm not frustrated."

Mick McCarthy, frustrated.

Silver: "She shouldn't be here. I know that sounds sexist but I am sexist. This is not park football, so what are women doing here? We have a problem in this country with political correctness - bringing women into the game is not the way to improve refereeing and officialdom. If you start bringing in women you have big problems. It is tokenism for the politically correct idiots."

Mike Newell, still struggling to find his feminine side, blaming assistant referee Amy Rayner for Luton's defeat by QPR.

Gold: "A true Milanista and a real man would not have behaved like this. At my home I'm in charge and decide what happens. Instead, when Shevchenko's wife shouts, he runs under the bed like a lap dog. His wife, Kristen, ordered him to London with their children, where the fog will do their lungs the world of good and that's how it finished."

Silvio Berlusconi on Mrs Shevchenko, clinching the 2006 "That's Wimmin For Ya" award.