Caddie's role: A hectic week of event management left me realising how much better suited I am to the one-on-one lifestyle of caddying. Our golf day in The Island GC combined with the launch of my book Bagman, a compilation of previous articles, and later at my home club, Royal Dublin, had left me jaded but satisfied.
I received a phonecall on Sunday morning from my boss, Retief , who had a heavy cold and was awaiting the imminent arrival of his second child. I knew what he was going to say; he is not given to casual phone calls. He had committed to playing last Monday with the birth proviso made clear. His wife had said she felt like she was going to deliver early. The upshot was that he quite understandably stayed with his wife, while my publisher and I searched frantically for a suitable replacement.
Darren Clarke and Graeme McDowell were in Japan. Padraig Harrington and Paul McGinley were flying to Seville for the World Cup the same day. Thomas Bjorn and Thomas Levet were elsewhere. I had all the IMG managers I knew pestered to come up with a replacement for me. Nothing. Thankfully, we had alerted all the other participants weeks before that there was a good chance that Retief could not make the day.
It was getting dark on Sunday when I got through to our star for the book launch, Dermot Desmond. He was supposed to play with Retief. An air of calm descended upon me after a brief, comforting conversation with Dermot. Don't worry he said, I have got Martin O'Neill, the Celtic manager, with me, he will take Retief's place. Phew. Not exactly the main man, but a creditable stand-in given the state of panic we got ourselves into last Sunday.
We had endured a big minus but counterbalanced it with a big plus of getting a dream weather day for mid November. By the time the golfers got to the 10th tee at The Island GC they looked like they had forgotten that the US Open champion was scheduled to play. Neil Manchip and his team eventually won the stunning prize of - wait for it - a big photo of Retief and his Bagman. Destined for the downstairs toilet, no doubt.
Given that the day was for charity the prizes were not important. Along with the participants' generous donations, Retief's contribution and Dermot Desmond's incredibly large offering for Multiple Sclerosis Ireland, it was a very successful fund-raising day.
My publisher was making the most of my presence back in Ireland: I am going for therapy on the carpo-tunnels in my right wrist, not from raising my wine glass but from signing innumerable copies of Bagman.
My "promotional" activities were brought to an abrupt halt with another call from Retief, the baby, a girl, had finally been born and I would, as a result, have to get myself to Hawaii a.s.a.p.
Given the decline of the previously kind late autumnal weather by Thursday last, despite the inconvenience of last-minute travel arrangements, the idea of an expenses paid, four-man big-money tournament in a beautiful part of the world was starting to look enticing. The bowels of a dispatch warehouse on a dank Thursday in North Dublin looking for some errant Bagman books that had not made it to their destination was enough to get me set on the idea of a quick sortie to the island of Kauai and the venue for this year's Grand Slam event.
After all, that was one of the reasons I got into caddying, to avoid the harsh Irish winter. Such are the perils of a successful year, you can sometimes forget that 99 per cent of caddies would pay you to let them caddie in such an event, and there I was quibbling about a 20-hour trip to Paradise.
Kauai, from the little I have seen of it having been whisked from the small airport of Lahue to the plush Hyatt Resort and Spa in a limousine, is what you might imagine Paradise to look like.
The Hyatt is set right by the water on the west side of the north island of Hawaii. There are only four players, and thus four bagmen, so they have rolled out the red carpet for us.
I picked up my "goodie bag" with an Hawaiian shirt and invitations to functions and helicopter rides around the island, after which I headed down to the Spa for a rejuvenating massage to ease the long journey out of my slightly weary body.
Just in case you are feeling sorry for me , we are only here till Thursday. This is not caddying as I have know it in the past: this is pampering such as I have never known before. Sorry for gloating, but as if it wasn't enough to have the pleasure of being at Retief's side for the US Open win, they lavish all the spoils of Hawaii upon you to boot.
I realise that we have come a long way from our roots at the Grand Slam in Kauai.
