FRENCH NOTES:Burton and Botes? Trying to win an international rugby match without quality outhalves is like sky diving without a parachute, writes MATT WILLIAMS

A NEWLY-appointed American basketball coach arrives at his office to start his new position. He finds three sealed envelopes on his desk, with handwritten instructions on each. The first letter, reads: “Open when you have lost five games.” The new coach promptly looses five and opens the first letter. The page contains one bold statement: “Blame the former coach.” The new coach gladly follows this advice. The next week the coach “gives it” to the old coach about antiquated systems and poor facilities.

The second letter has the instructions: “Open when you lose 10 games.” After the 10th defeat the embattled coach follows these instructions: “Blame the players.” Staying loyal to his secret mentor, he lays the season’s failure squarely at the feet of his athletes.

It buys him time but unsurprisingly does not alter the performances.

The instructions on the last letter declare: “Open after 15 loses.” When that day inevitably rolls around the now desperate coach rips open the envelope that reads: “Write three letters.”

I believe new Italian coach Jacques Brunel arrived at his new office in Rome to find three sealed envelops in Nick Mallett’s handwriting. A few years earlier Nick found three written by John Kirwan. John found three from Pierre Berbizier. Brad Johnson left three for Pierre. Brad found three . . . well, you get the picture.

The Italian federation operates like the two most successful institutions to ever emerge from Italy – the Mafia and the Catholic Church.

Like the church, the Italian officials have bestowed infallibility upon themselves. They have modelled their coaching program on the mission of Jesus, the job lasts three years, then a good man gets crucified. Several miracles are expected along the way. Water into Chianti is demanded. In other words, the coach has to make something wonderful from out of ordinary products. Yet when things go wrong, like the church, there are very few at the top to take responsibility.

Mafia-like, they often hold a loaded gun to the coaches’ head to “heighten” motivation. I know for a fact that coaches have been told prior to Six Nations games if they don’t win they will be “removed”. However, it always ends the same way, the coach gets the blame and the bullet.

Against England, the Italian number 10, Kris Burton, attempted a drop goal from straight in front and 40 metres out. The ball came off Burton’s foot then travelled sideways along the ground towards the corner post and crossed the touch in goal line. A “worm burner” drop goal from in front of the posts to the sideline. I have watched a lot of rugby over a lot of years but I have never seen anything like that.

Against Ireland Burton is replaced by Tobias Botes. Botes was used off the bench against England. The performances of both he and Burton were as bad as I have ever seen. It is unlikely Botes has the talent to play Currie Cup in his native South Africa, just as Burton would be relegated to club rugby on his return to Australia. These two are passed the stage where they need a miracle, now they require forgiveness.

Watching his outhalves’ performances against England, Brunel must have thought, “What have I got myself into?” Diego Dominguez held the Azzurri number 10 jersey for more than a decade. Argentinian born of Italian ancestry, he was fantastic little player, who was the genius behind the Bernard Laporte-coached Stade Français of the late 1990s and early 2000s.

The Italians then looked to a very talented former Australian rugby league player, Craig Gower, to become the generalissimo. Like most league converts the change to rugby takes years not months. At 30 Gower was too old to make the adjustment and sadly rugby never saw the scope of his many talents.

The water-into-wine miracle the Italian officials prayed for did not occur. Now they have Burton and Botes. Trying to win an international rugby match without quality outhalves is like sky diving without a parachute. No matter how many times you try the end will always be same. Even though Brunel has been in place only a few weeks, the Dons of Italian rugby will hold him responsible.

The Italian federation stand damned for not providing a strategic secession plan for the development of high-quality, Italian-qualified outhalves. The most exasperating aspect of the problem is they have been aware of the situation for over a decade and yet I can find no evidence of a well-thought out, well-constructed secession plan.

I don’t mind the fact Italians are looking to their massive Diaspora in the south, to fill the gaps. Through migration, the west of Sydney has a huge number of Italian-qualified rugby league players. This fertile environment produced Gower. The majority of these players will never be contracted because the there are too few places in Australia.

An elite player secession development plan would be to have a world-wide talent identification program in places like western Sydney, New Zealand, Argentina and South Africa that select young Italian-qualified outhalves to both Treviso and Aironi. Force other Italian clubs to have only Italian-qualified outhalves as well as providing all these players with world-class specialist coaching. Perform this remembering the process takes time and it causes some pain to the clubs. Just like the pain the IRFU are correctly causing the Irish provinces with the new foreign player quota system.

At a coaching conference I attended many years ago in Brisbane, an American football coach said of skill acquisition: “Baby, it takes a lot of time and a lot of pain.” If the Italians started now they may have results in three years, by which time, as his last act as Italian coach, Jacques Brunel will leave behind three sealed envelops addressed to the next victim coach of a poorly-planned Italian system.

Ireland will win today in second gear with Botes and Burton being Ireland’s biggest assets, while Brunel will be two matches from opening his first envelope.

Note to Jacques: Remember to blame Nick Mallet and never mention the Italian Rugby Federation. They will crucify or shoot you!