GOLF/TPC of Europe: Pity poor Tiger Woods in Germany this week for the Deutsche Bank SAP Open, a tournament he has won twice in the last three years. The sponsors have provided only a miserable Maserati for him to drive which, he says, is not a patch on his Porsche back home.
What a life! Condemned to wander the world in a private jet, playing golf in strange places where people do not speak "A'mercan" and having to make do with a Maserati.
Still, there is $2 million compensation for turning up. That is the Woods fee these days for playing in places like St Leon-Rot, a super-snobby golf club outside Heidelberg.
Woods has been in Germany three times previously for this event with Deutsche Bank and SAP each stumping up $1 million for his services. That means he receives almost as much in appearance money as he and the other 155 players in the field are competing for, given that the total prize money is €2.7 million.
Little wonder that he was able to say yesterday with every appearance of sincerity: "I thoroughly enjoy playing all over the world. I just love travelling, getting on a plane and going to new places."
Most people probably would with a $2 million incentive.
But the sponsors believe that he is value for money. Not only do the number of spectators triple but television ratings around the world do likewise, as does the media coverage.
There are 16 representatives of the British press here this week in contrast to the five at the Tiger-less French Open two weeks ago.
Woods said he would love to play in this event next year but he is faced with a problem. If the dates remain the same here and in America this tournament would clash with the Byron Nelson Classic, an event Woods has always played.
They frown on appearance money on the US Tour, so it will be a question of the Nelson for nothing or Europe for the euros. "It's going to be a tough decision," he admitted.
Woods is the only man able to complete the grand slam this year. Having won the Masters in April he can, theoretically, go that one huge step further than he has already gone and win all four majors in a calendar year.
Yesterday he denied it was ever his ambition to win a grand slam as popularly accepted - all four in a year - although he has been quoted many times in the past as saying he would like to do just that, principally to please his father Earl.
"Just by winning the Masters doesn't guarantee you, doesn't hand you a grand slam," he added. "You have to take it one at a time and hopefully you can peak and play well."
At the end of last year Jesper Parnevik, the Ryder Cup Swede who lives in the US and plays their tour, introduced Woods to the exceedingly glamorous blond Elin Nordegren, who was acting as nanny to his children.
Not entirely tongue in cheek he suggested that the idea was to distract Woods from his golf and give the others a chance.
Now it transpires that Woods has thought of that and dismissed it. Yesterday he said with a wry smile. "You know, if you find the right person, I feel that is always going to help your career and enhance your playing abilities."
While Colin Montgomerie, who played well in the Benson & Hedges International Open at The Belfry last week, is hoping to maintain that form, a doubtful starter here is Darren Clarke, who tore a thigh muscle while fishing.
The Ulsterman suffered the injury on Monday when he bent over to unhook a trout he caught on a private stretch of the river Test in Hampshire. He is also doubtful for the Volvo PGA Championship at Wentworth starting next Thursday.
Meanwhile, Nick Faldo has received a special invitation to the US PGA Championship in August but not yet to next month's US Open.
The 44-year-old Faldo was not exempt for either and now has two more weeks to wait to see if he will be playing at Bethpage in New York in four weeks' time.
