From ballot boxes to the bunny Carr, we've exceeded our quota

TV VIEW:THAT WAS a tricky Saturday. Paddy likes to know what the story is, but what do you do when a bunch of stories hopelessly collide? Record England v France and Dublin v Kerry and watch the election coverage live? Or record, say, the results of the fourth Donegal South West count so you can watch them in an as-it-happened kind of way later in the night? And just hope no one tells you in advance who's been fired?

Too risky, of course, there’s always some doofus who’ll break the news: “Is 1.30 ok 2moro? PS OMG Coughlan’s out!!!!”

And Miriam O’Callaghan was never going to say: “If you don’t want to know the Donegal South West result look away now.”

So, you try to watch everything at the same time, and, no more than Scotland in the Six Nations, it’s pointless.

The United Left Alliance turn on the style against Wigan, although Wayne Rooney’s fierce lucky not to be sent off for elbowing Michael Healy Rae in the cap. Dimitri Yachvili’s drop-goal attempt is heroically blocked by Richard Boyd-Barrett, bringing Dun Twickenham to its feet. And the Gooch is brutally flattened by Ming the Merciless Flanagan as he lines up a point, earning a couple of thousand first preferences from Roscommon South-Hill 16.

Ah here, all over the shop.

But what our sporting and political action had in common, of course, is that it really didn’t matter how you got over the winning line, so long as you did.

“Essentially, it’s all about winning, and that’s what we did,” as Ronan O’Gara put it when he was elected for a chat with the BBC after Ireland’s 21-18 annihilation of Scotland.

A win’s a win’s a win, then.

“I despiiiiiiiiiiiiise the phrase ‘a win’s a win’s a win’,” George Hook begged to differ over on RTÉ, reckoning that Declan Kidney’s boys were so far short of the quota in Edinburgh they should have lost their Six Nations’ deposit.

Indeed, the consensus appeared to be that the only ray of sunshine on a cloudy day was O’Gara’s performance, which was possibly-maybe-ish a bit of vindication for Kidney and his decision to replace Jonathan Sexton with the fella.

It was a decision, Tom McGurk told us, that had caused a storm on “Twitterland”, as did Jamie Heaslip’s interview with Tracy Piggott which left folk wondering if he was about to launch a leadership heave. “You don’t know the reason he’s let other players in,” he said, in reference to the dropping of Sexton and Fergus McFadden, and their replacement by O’Gara and Tommy Bowe.

While Brent Pope advised caution – “We don’t know the context of his comments.” – Hook advised incandescent outrage.

“WhoooOOOOooo the HECK is Heaslip to have an opiniiiIIIIiiion? Just shut up and get oooOOOoon with it!”

Brent sighed, but Conor O’Shea half-ish agreed, giving his number two to George. “He should just button his lip and get on with it.”

On this issue at least, Brent was proving transfer toxic.

The match? Well, highs and lows. At half-time Andy Nicol, the BBC’s resident Scot, was generous enough to thank Ireland’s efforts to keep Scotland in the game, while Keith Wood, beside him, nodded ruefully.

“When do you want to see Sexton come on, George?” asked Tom McGurk.

“Not before the Australian match in October,” he replied, which nigh on prompted Brent to spoil his ballot paper with an exceptionally vulgar comment.

Full-time. Well, a win’s a win’s a win.

Tom wasn’t convinced: “There’s a real crisis here!”

George was less convinced: “A moooOOOooonster crisis!”

But what about Sexton? George, did the young fella do well when he came on?

“There is this thing about Sexton being a young fella – he’s 26 years of age!!!,” he said of the – not to be mad pedantic about it – 25-year-old. “At that age Alexander the Great had conquered the whole known woooOOOooorld!!!!”

(Almost true, but it should be pointed out that the Great Alex was dead by the time he was 32, so all that conquering took its toll. It’s better to pace yourself in life, George).

Anyway, as Kevin Keegan put it recently on ESPN, “sometimes the pendulum swings both ways”.

Just ask Stephen Carr about the sporting pendulum. The Dub retired from football in December 2008 when he couldn’t find a club. Then Birmingham ended the petunia-pruning interlude in his life, and off he went again.

Yesterday? He captained the club to English League Cup victory over Arsenal at Wembley, his display during the final making the Duracell bunny seem a touch lethargic.

“Where does Carr get the energy from,” asked Mark Lawrenson on the BBC.

“I don’t know,” said Guy Mowbray, “but he’s still motoring”.

And with that Dick Roche called for a recount.