Fat lot of good it does experts to say flaky Serena is finished

TV View: Perhaps conscious that some of us had sacrificed an hour or three of Sunday-morning sleep to watch live coverage of the Australian Open men's final, Sue Barker was doing her best to persuade us the sacrifice would be worth our while, that we might just get a contest to savour. A classic, even.

Andrew Castle wasn't so convinced. "He has a truly ridiculous forehand," he reminded Sue, "and we've seen it at its best this fortnight. Remember, he hasn't dropped a set."

But, unwavering in her concern for her sleep-deprived viewers, Sue leapt in.

"He's had a few scares though," she said, "he's had two tie-breaks!" Indeed. But needless to say, he won them both.

Federer, that is, Roger Federer.

And, needless to say, he won the Australian Open final, but we won't lose sleep over the lost sleep and straight-sets win. How often in your lifetime do you get to witness nigh on sporting perfection, live?

Effortless, flawless, sublime. It's not just the man's forehand that is truly ridiculous, it's the whole damn package. And then there's that charming graciousness and humility, just to complete it all. There's just no one like him in world sport, not even Robbie Savage.

Divil a bead of sweat, either. Which you couldn't say about the women's final.

True, it's only January, but it's our sporting highlight of the year. Not that it reached Federeresque proportions. In the first set alone world number one Maria Sharapova produced more unforced errors than Federer has in his career, but Serena was the story, not the Russian. Mind you, no one told Sue and Andrew.

Williams, that is, Serena Williams. "It's the greatest comeback I've ever seen from a sportswoman," as co-commentator Sam Smith put it. "Flaky, fat and finished," was the gist of the nasty stuff heaped on Williams, as described by tennis writer Mark Stevens, as she attempted to make her Grand Slam comeback in Melbourne.

Fat? She ain't as toned as she used to be, but . . . fat? And they're mystified as to why young girls suffer from eating disorders? Another tennis writer said you'd require "a JK Rowling-sized imagination to envision her winning this tournament".

Yet another suggested she'd only win it "with the aid of a fast-spreading and debilitating disease in the women's locker room".

Granted, they were fair enough predictions considering Sharapova is the leading women's tennis player in the world and Williams has spent more time in court than on one in the last few months.

But one thing they all seemed to forget: this was Serena Williams they were talking about. And the more you kick her when she's down the higher she'll soar when she's back up again, just to defy you. In other words, she's a champion. And watching her power her way to that title in the early hours of Saturday morning, through sheer will and bloody-minded grit, was as thrilling a sporting sight as this couch has seen in a while.

"Sharapova has been so tame," said Sue after the first set, which Williams won 6-1. Andrew agreed; he couldn't understand what was happening to her.

"Does she have a plan B?" he asked, confidently predicting that if she did she'd turn the match around.

Soon after, it was all over.

"How do you solve a problem like Maria?" asked Sue, like Andrew still yet to notice that Sharapova didn't blow it, Serena just blew her away.

It's at times like this you almost understand the Williams sisters' less-than-popular view that the whole world's out to get them and is damned if they'll give them much credit for their achievements. And that, as we know, is what fuels them.

"There's been an awful lot of knockers in their career," said Sam, who seemed to be the only member of the BBC team unsurprised by Serena's renaissance, marked by a grin and two fingers to those who ridiculed her.

How do you solve a problem like Serena? Stop writing her off. And calling her fat.

Mind you, Serena's comeback was probably less spectacular than that of Marie Fahey, one of the stars of Glanmire's SuperLeague National Cup basketball triumph over the University of Limerick yesterday.

"She severed three toes in her foot, they had to pin them back, and she came out here today in only her second game of the year," said the RTÉ commentator, just as we were tucking into our lunch. We set our lunch aside. And haven't eaten since.

There'll be lost sleep. But when we finally drop off we'll dream of having the pluck of Serena or Marie.