Compiled by MARY HANNIGAN:
Rev justice: Car rage
CAR MAN TAKES RED BADLY:IT'S ALWAYS unfortunate when players don't take kindly to being shown red cards, sometimes even refusing to leave the pitch.
In fairness, though, to Lonsdale’s Joseph Rimmer, he did indeed depart the scene when sent off by David Harkness in a Southport and District league game against Harrington back in February.
But? Well, he returned moments later in his Range Rover. While Harkness and his officials ran for cover, Rimmer drove around in circles in an effort to banjax the pitch and have the match abandoned. He then got out of his car and hurled a heap of threats in the ref’s direction.
The 28-year-old, who appeared in court in Liverpool last week, was charged with affray and dangerous driving. He was granted bail on condition he keep away from league games and the referee – he’ll be sentenced next month.
“He understands this is a serious matter,” said his barrister Philip Tully. Indeed.
Dead list: Real tempt fate
A YEAR ago, Real Madrid suffered a gobsmacking 4-0 first leg defeat to third division Alcorcon in the Spanish Cup, going out of the competition after the second leg.
Ahead of their cup game last week against another division three side, Real Murcia, Real Madrid manager Jose Mourinho warned: If it happens again, then I will cross the players that will feature off my list, because they’ll be dead to me.”
The result? 0-0.
The players who featured (starters and subs): Casillas, Sergio Ramos, Pepe, Albiol, Arbeloa, Mahamadou Diarra, Pedro Leon, Canales, Granero, Khedira, Cristiano Ronaldo, Di Maria, Benzema, Higuain.
If they lose the second leg, that’ll be a whole bunch of bereavements for Jose.
Bad call: Poor James should have left Coppell on hold
HAVING (REPORTEDLY) been offered a sizeable pile of loot to join Celtic during the summer, former England goalkeeper David James’ decision to move to Championship club Bristol City caused a bit of a surprise.
In his Observer column, though, he hinted at why he might have accepted then City manager Steve Coppell’s offer to join the club.
“I received a phone call from an unknown number. I don’t usually answer those, but I was still drunk and so I picked it up. Much to my astonishment the man on the other end was Steve Coppell,” he said.
This revelation, needless to say, has been a source of considerable mirth for Bristol Rovers supporters, as have City and James’ struggles this season – they won on Saturday, but remain third from bottom having conceded 24 goals in 14 games.
James insists he’s getting used to Championship life now and is hopeful of things picking up, although he doubts if he’ll ever come to terms with the ball used in the division. “It’s horrible, it’s like kicking a shot putt around,” he said.
“I’ll be honest, there are days when we get beat and I think: What am I doing here?”
A sobering experience.
Complicated: Insecure wife blamed by Shrek's mistress
FEUD OF LOVE: FABBIANI:AFTER SPOTTING a quite sublime snippet in yesterday's Observerabout Argentinian footballer Cristian Fabbiani's rather complex private life we got Googling.
Alas, our internet translator failed us once again, telling us only his relationship with model Amalia Granata was “end unhappy a lot”.
Until linking up with Granata, Fabbiani, back in Argentina after spells in Chile, Israel and Romania, had been best known for a goal celebration which involved him putting on a Shrek mask – earning him the name El Ogro (The Ogre).
He was also in the news last year when Nestor Gorosito, then coach of River Plate where Fabbiani was on loan, accused him of being fat.
His relationship with Granata, though, had him on the front pages, the pair even squabbling on live television about their break-up and his alleged failure to financially support their baby.
All’s well now, though, they’ve both moved on, Granata well chuffed with her new boyfriend, a businessman called John Paul.
But there is, perhaps, some lingering bitterness. “At times,” Granata said of the relationship with Fabbiani, “it was annoying. His wife was so insecure.”
Van the man: Ode to Rafael:
TOTTENHAM HOTSPURS’ tune writers have been busy since the arrival of a Dutch man back in August:
“He’s just as good as Hoddle,
He’s better than Chris Waddle,
His missus is a model,
He’s Rafael van der Vaart.”
“Could they not swap Hoddle for Waddle,” asked a peeved pundit on ESPN on Saturday – by the name of Chris Waddle.
Assou like it: Wise words
AFTER READING his comments last week, it's very hard not to love Cameroon and Spurs defender Benoit Assou-Ekotto.
"The whole problem with football players is they really take themselves seriously," he said. "We kick a ball around and we earn 100,000, 200,000 or even 300,000 euros a week. We don't improve the world. It's not like we invented hot water."
There's more.
"I could understand that you wear dark glasses at night time when you do open-heart surgery and save lives, but not if you're a footballer.
"These people didn't feed me, they didn't bring me into the world and my life won't improve by going to a nightclub and drinking loads of champagne."
Benoit Assou-Ekotto, legend.
All at sea: Diver Arshavin keeps his eyes wide shut
"When I'm snorkelling I don't like to look under the sea."
– Andrey Arshavin, sort of missing the whole point of snorkelling.
"It is with regret that I have decided not to speak to the paper for the foreseeable future. Over the past 18 months on four occasions my words have been taken out of context. I have not taken this decision lightly."
– Alex Ferguson on the Daily Mail? No, Hayes and Yeading manager (and former League of Ireland player) Garry Haylock on the Uxbridge Gazette.
I hope he hears this: keep your mouth shut.
– Wolves chief executive Jez Moxey asks Arsene Wenger to insert a sock in it.
The winners will return to the presidential palace, and the losers will go back down the mine! Then well rescue them again!
– Chilean President Sebastian Pinera (above) on a football game he arranged between
the rescued miners and government officials. The miners lost, Pinera getting the winner. Back down ye go, lads.
The number of goals Lionel Messi has now scored for Barcelona in just 173 matches (including six for their B team in the 2004-5 season).
You're bootiful: Ronaldo unveils flash new footwear
THE CR Mercurial Vapor Superfly II might sound like something NASA would send in to space, but it is, in fact, the name of Cristiano Ronaldo's new boots.
He'll give them their debut
next weekend, although having scored at least twice in Real Madrid's last four games (the first player to do so in La Liga since the turn of the century, apparently) you'd imagine he'd stick with his old ones.
Now, beauty, of course, is in the eye of the beholder . . . but are they not a touch unsightly? Like a once black pair of runners you wore while spray-painting your front door?
Nike, though, think they're gorgeous, boasting that they feature "an arresting Safari print that is overlaid with a tonal chevron pattern".
Norman Hunter and Chopper Harris would have loved them.
Best of all, the boots, are "illuminated in certain light" which makes them "appear as a flash in a player's peripheral vision" – this "reflective graphic can improve player awareness on the pitch".
Now we know what Alex Ferguson will get Michael Carrick for Christmas.
