TV VIEW - MARY HANNIGAN:WE HOPE we're not doing him (or Mayo) a disservice, but we got the distinct impression that Wellington De Jesus wanted to be anywhere but Castlebar on Saturday night.

It was, perhaps, that lack of zest that resulted in him meeting his Waterloo just two minutes and 11 seconds into his bout with Cavan's Andrew Murray, which meant the build-up to the main event, Bernard Dunne's return to the ring, was considerably longer than the main event itself - and that went the distance.

When Wellington collapsed in a heap clutching his "crown jewels", as Jimmy Magee put it so elegantly, Dave Boy McAuley, Jimmy's ringside sidekick, was left mystified, because the replay showed Murray hitting him more above than below the belt. Dave Boy's view was that if the Brazilian's crown jewels were located above his belt, then he should really see a doctor.

Mercifully, Wellington recovered - "he's counted the crown jewels and they're all there," said Jimmy - but Dave Boy half-wondered, aloud, if he'd "taken a dive".

Jimmy, reluctant to spend a month in the High Court, where the outcome of the libel case would hinge on the precise location of Wellington's crown jewels, dismissed this suggestion, although back in the studio Jim Rock alleged there were no crown jewels there to begin with, that Wellington "hadn't the balls to go on".

At that point Darragh Maloney stepped in and called for an ad break, but not before congratulating Murray, "the first Cavan man ever to meet Jesus", as Jimmy hailed him.

The Dunne contest was a touch more competitive, with the Dubliner surviving an early scare or three to win on points.

"The potentially lethal punching of Felix Machado would appear to have evaporated in the sultry night air of Castlebar," said Jimmy. Castlebar nights have been called many a thing in their time, but rarely sultry. But, with that, a boxing venue to match Madison Square Garden, the King's Hall and Kinshasa, Zaire, was born - in our pugilistic book at least.

Mind you, the liveliest bout of the week actually took place in RTÉ's Champions League studio. On the off-chance you missed it, the gist: after Arsenal were knocked out by Liverpool, Eamon Dunphy intimated that Arsene Wenger's touchline antics bore a striking resemblance to John Cleese in that Ministry of Silly Walks sketch, and played a clip to prove his point.

Liam "I tell you Bill, if I had known that was in the can I wouldn't have come on this show tonight" Brady wasn't happy.

Bill: "It wasn't meant in any sense to be insulting to the man, it was meant to reflect . . ."

Brady: "What?! John Cleese?!"

(Souness: "I think . . .")

Bill: "No, well, I didn't say John Cleese."

(Souness: "The point is. . .")

Brady: "Well, who said it then?"

(Souness: "I just . . .")

Bill: "I didn't say it."

(Souness to himself: "Hello?")

Dunphy: "It was me!"

(Souness to himself: "Why am I here?")

Dunphy, as you'd expect, was sympathetic to Brady's sensitivity over the treatment of his boss.

Brady: "That's a set-up in case Wenger lost the game tonight."

Dunphy: "It's called analysis!"

Brady: "That's not analysis!"

Dunphy: "It is analysis!"

Brady: "That was already in the can!"

Dunphy: "Yeah, good!"

Now, lest you're beginning to think this was all a bit schoolyardish, well, eh . . .

Brady: "He is to be applauded, and Rafa Benitez is to be applauded, and the game is to be applauded . . ."

Dunphy: "Ah hold a minute now, you've jumped over the fence baby!"

Brady: "Do you want my opinion? The man is behaving that way because he is frustrated that the team is not getting its just desserts."

Dunphy: "Ah, give us a break! Liam, give us a break! We're entitled to comment!"

Brady: "That piece was suggesting he'd lost the plot."

Dunphy: "It's called television Liam!"

It was, of course, outrageous stuff: little wonder we all switched over to Sky in protest.

Pundit No 1: "Arsene will be disappointed with that."

Pundit No 2: "Yeah, very disappointed."

Pundit No 3: "Gutted."

Pundit No 1: "Yeah."

Pundit No 2: "Yeah."

Presenter: "Back after the break for more analysis."

The low point of Arsene's week wasn't actually at Anfield at all, it came at Alex Ferguson's pre-United v Arsenal press conference when he offered support to Wenger and praise for his team, thus confirming that their season was over.

After yesterday's game? "Arsenal were unlucky not to get something from the game," Ferguson told Sky, at which point Wenger must have felt a bit like Nell McCafferty following a training session with St Mary's Faughanvale in Celebrity Bainisteoir.

"Right now I'd love a bottle of whisky and a revolver."

"Dunphy: "Ah, give us a break! Liam, give us a break! We're entitled to comment!

"It's called television Liam!